Day 27: Why do "people" want to know?

Women get asked a lot more questions than men (Photo credit)

If I got a nickel for every time someone asked me a question that is none of their business, I'd be rich! Like RICH! And I've realised I don't even have to think of all the different questions I got asked over time. The one to top the list is - Where my (forever travelling) spouse is now? And trust me, sometimes even I wouldn't know the answer - or dint care to remember - if he was on a multi city tour in a week. But I'm guessing it's important for people to know.

The next one has got to be when am I going to have a baby! Boy! That's like a staple conversation topic with childless people. (Thankfully, the kid question dwindled out of my life after the initial years except for a few people in the family who just won't let it go! I should really start charging nickels, I guess! LOL!)

And I'll venture to put in a third one since the people who ask this have absolutely nothing to do with it and they still ask - When is a member in my family finishing her Ph.D? And if you know the Indian culture, you definitely can guess the conversation this question is leading to...yeah! you got it!

There are several others related to work too. People find it hard to comprehend that I have any real work to do without a job that keeps me out from 9-5. One question that really gets my goat is, "What plans?" And there's a whole lot of them throughout the year - Your birthday, spouse's birthday, long weekend, Holi, Diwali, Christmas, New Year or the wedding anniversary! Phew!!

And the frustration at this barrage of pointless questions definitely gives way to rolling on the floor kind of laughter. And I really want to ask people, no matter how life altering the topic - how the fuck is that any of their business?? But in our culture, (honestly, I don't know about other countries/cultures) it's everyone else's business but yours. From your marital status to the number of kids you have (or the absence of it), what you wear, what time to arrive home at night, what kind of lifestyle you lead is the business of everyone who has no other business.

And the scrutiny is more pronounced if you are a woman. There is "best by" date for an unmarried woman. And the friendly neighbourhood aunty -who obviously  has nothing else to do - will be able to give you the correct estimate. And if you shrug at it, she'll threaten you with, "It's already late!". By the way, the same threat - sometimes rephrased as, "It's time now" - applies to the having-a-baby question too. Try indulging her with answers and you had it! "Never" is never an acceptable answer. Pat comes the next one, "Why?" The thoughts furiously whirling in aunty's head are - Gay? Medical problem? Try giving them reasons - career, busy life - that sound valid to you and they'll shoot them right out as rubbish. After all, people know better about what we should be doing with our lives than we do! Trust them!

I have had women judged for having a job and taking care of kids. And eyebrows raised if she quit her career to care for her kids full time. "So, are you never getting back to your job?" There, you just trampled on the last of whatever was left of her self esteem!

If you ask me, all this is just a conspiracy of people who-have-not to drag us down with them. When a mom of two pulling her hair out tells me to have a baby since it's so life altering, I just know it! Since the neighbourhood aunty can't wear short dresses and party till 4 am, she is definitely going to tut tut and declare that as immoral.

Of late, my policy is to avoid running into neighbours altogether. I don't want to kill their joy of asking where my spouse is off to by telling them that he doesn't travel much now. And others who have questions about my work etc get generic responses enough to end the conversation. I now believe that the fewer people I meet, the lesser the nonsense in life!

Interestingly enough, I had this post idea in mind for a long time and today's cover story in Times Life - So, when are you settling down? - really pushed me to finally write it. While this post is my personal experience, the piece in Times is relevant to every woman even in today's times.

So, moral of the story: If you are ever confused about your life and you should go to random people. They always always know better than you about your own life.

Have you - I am sure you have - spill your experiences here! If there are any guys who read this post, I'd love to hear from you too! Are you guys also exposed to scrutiny and unwanted advice like women do?

This post is written for #NaBloPoMo which stands for National Blog Posting Month hosted by BlogHer every year.

Day 21: A Simple A-Z For A Happy Marriage

If marriage is forever! (Photo credit)

As I looked through some of the old posts, I realised that writing about marriage on my anniversary has unconsciously become a sort of tradition. Last year, I busted 5 myths about marriage and the year before that I wrote 2 posts since I had so much to say I guess. One is pondering over whether marriage is even worth it and the next one sharing the 7 lessons I learnt from being married for 7 years. So, for my 9th anniversary today, I think I am qualified to give out a quick A-Z guide to a happy marriage. Here:

Argue. Yes! A healthy discussion, venting out feelings and ironing out differences can be cathartic in a marriage.

Broken? Only then fix it. I don't understand online lists of how to make your relationship more exciting! If it's exciting enough, let it be! Don't go overboard.

Cook together. Helps bond and let's the spouses understand that household chores aren't a cake walk

Don't be best friends. I have said this earlier too. Find someone else to bitch about your respective mothers. Trust me! You don't want to ignore this one!

Express needs. You may feel down or want to go crazy. It's is hard to mind read unless you vocalise what's on your mind.

Flowers, sometimes. Who said flowers are meant only for dating! And who said only he has to get flowers for her? Although her face is going to light up brighter at the sight of flowers

Gifts aren't necessary. If you are in this for the long haul, you can't expect to make it a give and take for every little occasion.

Hug. Never goes out of fashion. And there's no per day limit!

I love you: Say it often enough. It never goes out of fashion

Joint decisions are great but it is okay to take up running a few things on your own and let your spouse off the hook about it

Keep at it: Marriage is a work in progress

Laugh together. Even if you read memes off the internet due to lack of one's own sense of humour

Make other friends. Marriage doesn't mean you can't be a person you were and socialise on your own.

"Nothing" means something. When a woman answers "nothing" to "what's wrong?", everything is! Do not take this lightly. I repeat, do not take this lightly

Open the car door. Doesn't matter how many years into your relationship, this will always make her smile!

Pardon. You can't hold on to grudges. Not even big ones

Question! Actually, don't! The moment you start wondering if you are happy together and if your relationship couldn't be as rocking as Jack and Susy's, you are going downhill. No one's perfect. And everyone's different. Just accept it

Respect each other's hobbies. If he wants to chase cars online all saturday evening, he should be allowed to. And if you want to go shopping every weekend, that should be okay too.

Say nice things: Underrated but important. Helps you notice the little things your spouse does for you

Together time: Even sitting together and doing your own thing counts. It doesn't have to be putting up with his/her idea of a good time

Unclutter. Whether it's the stuff you've accumulated over the years or thoughts that are saved in your mind, decide about each item and put it away.

Valentine's Day is over hyped. Trust me! Don't fall for it.

Welcome each other's quirks. People change over decades of their lives. Be accepting of who they gradually become through the years of marriage.

Xchange chores: That way you understand what each one goes through instead of assuming the other one has it easier

'You' time is as important as 'we' time. It's okay to watch a movie or go to the park by yourself.

Zing up. Well! Something with Z is hard to come by. So let's say that keeping things shiny for decades is hard. Do whatever that keeps the zing in the marriage

This is just a random list of things. There is tons of serious advice online on happy marriage if you wish to look up. Which one in this list is your favourite? Would you add more?

This post is a part of #NaBloPoMo which stands for National Blog Posting Month hosted by BlogHer.

#BarAThon Day 3: The Fragile Life Of A Woman

No matter how big our dreams are we all end up living fragile lives! (photo credit)

She smiled coyly as a new bride. He stole a shy look at her and promised he will always look after her. She bid adieu to her parents and was taken to his. She got the ceremonial welcome. She stepped into her new house as a symbol of prosperity. She proudly took that step into her new house - "our house", she thought.

She was taught how her husband's house was her real house and her in-laws, her new parents. She should take care of them the way she would for her own kin. She was the daughter-in-law of the house and had grand dreams of how her new home was going to be. Soon after she set foot into her new house, she set about making everyone happy, putting her needs after everyone else's. She made plans of how she'd run the household, take care of her husband and everyone else in the house. She would be the darling of the house and respected for the values she brought into the new household with her.

But she soon realised how different reality was from the world she had woven in her mind. To take care of everyone was assumed to be her job. She was clearly told that she had no right to run the house the way she wanted. She just had to follow the rules and do things the way they were always done. She was assigned a room where she saw the man she loved at night. He did not want to meddle in the domestic affairs and asked her to be patient. His parents, he said, were important and so was their happiness. She should try and keep them happy.

It is then that she realised the fragile lives that women live after marriage - and also the kind of fragile lives they would be leading as a couple. With her dreams shattered and her respect taken away from her, she knew her life will never be as she had dreamt it would be. There would never be her household. She was just an outsider who would have follow their way of living and have nothing to call her own - not even her marriage.

This is Day 3 of #BarAThon and the theme for today's post is fragile lives.

#NaBloPoMo Day 21: 5 Marriage Myths Busted

I ranted quite a bit on marriage on my 7th anniversary last year. I wrote a serious post on whether being married was worth it at all because of some friends' failing marriages. And I also went on to give gyan on lessons I learnt about marriage and that love, respect and shit like that keeps two people together. But since 8 is better than 7 and I am a year more qualified to dispense advice on the topic, I thought of busting some marriage myths. I'd like to thank everyone who've bombarded with questions and insinuations about married life - which are none of their business, in the last 8 years. You serve as my inspiration for this post.

1. Newly married people live in a scene out of your favourite romantic movie, with sexy negligees thrown in. Nope! You may find yourself with a woman with thunder thighs and find yourself struggling to even get through the act. So, yeah, it isn't actually how internet told you it is. So, while it may feel liberating to finally get a legal license to get down to business, it isn't all about mood lighting and kinky stuff.

2. Marriage is having an available sex partner for life. I don't know why all single people think that all married people are mandatorily having sex every night! And then there are innuendoes about what you did last night. Sorry to burst the bubble, my dear friends, but sex isn't a sure event sometimes even on anniversaries as years pass along. What's the point of getting married then, you ask? The love and togetherness shit I spoke about last year that takes the place of lust.

3. People married for 8 years should have a couple of kids. Moving on from the emphatically miserable intimate lives of married people, it seems like a given that if you are married for about 3 years, it's safe to ask your kid's name. (Kids' names, in case of more years). No, it's perfectly normal to be married for a few years and have no kids. And no, that does not give you the right to speculate about the medical condition of either spouses.

4. Every anniversary is a champagne popping occasion: This is for all friends who start jumping before even the people involved, to know the plans for the anniversary. As years go by, I think only people who did not hope to make it but made it are the ones who pop champagne bottles. The rest of us are ok with an impromptu dinner.

5. We are best friends: No You are not! Please find some one else to crib about your respective in-laws! This precious advice could save your marriage. 

These are at the top of my mind for now. I am sure more will occur to me later and I shall definitely come back to update you guys. Meanwhile, can you think of something that is a myth about marriage in your experience. Share it here and let's have a good laugh about it :)

#NaBloPoMo Day 19 - Throwback Thursday from 7 years ago

I ran into this picture while looking for a Throwback Thursday idea. This also makes sense since this is from the first year of our marriage and in a couple of days we are going to complete 8! Looking at this picture is like looking back through the tinted glasses of time and thinking - Woa! We look so different! And younger! :) I did write a post for our 7th anniversary last year and will do one for this anniversary too.

It is from our first (and my only, so far) trip to the US. We took a boat ride in Chicago. It was a nice, summer evening and we went around as the sun set leaving the sky with gorgeous colours. We went on to visit Portland, Pittsburg, New York and Las Vegas during the same trip. What a journey it has been! I mean both, the trip and our relationship! :)

Have you run into old pictures sometime and memories came rushing back? I'd love you to share that with the readers. :)

Blog Round up - The Most Popular Posts

Writing makes me jump for joy!

While I am getting back in the groove with my blogging, I thought it was a good idea to share some of the popular posts that got maximum views. Since most of you have just starting discovering this blog in the limelight, it'll be nice to see what I wrote in the past. And it has been a great journey down the memory lane finding them for you. I found that there have been quite a few posts with views between 200-400 views. So I have zeroed in on a few posts you might find interesting.

1. Since one of my hobbies is watching re-runs of sitcoms, the first post is, Unanswered questions from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Having watched the series several times, I realised that familiarity does breed contempt. After the initial novelty wore off, I started wondering about the plot and asking questions, which I thought were pretty valid. Do you agree?

5 unanswered questions from my favourite sitcom, F.R.I.E.N.D.S

2. Indra Nooyi kicked off the hornet's nest when she said that women could not have it all. What do you think? My take:

Should women really have it all?

3. The brutality of Nirbhaya rape shook the nation at it's very core. As a woman, it hit my belief in the very existence of humanity. In this post, I feel no rage, no pontification, just a numb disbelief:

What more can I add

4. I generally don't write about my personal life. But having conquered the 7 year itch in my marriage seemed like a time I could start handing out nuggets of wisdom about the institution. And it got quite a few views too! Here is it:

7 things I learnt in as many years of marriage

5. With feminism and women's rights talked about everywhere, I thought we should spare some thought for the men too. So I decided to jump to their defence and found a lot of places/situations where they might feel left out but we don't care. I think it's a must read for men and women! How far do you agree with me?

Are men really villains?

6. An ode to the zeitgeist of our times, this is a heart felt post for the great times we live in. We have the freedom and the liberty to do what we choose.

Why this is the best time to be alive

Thank you @blogchatter for inspiring me to start writing again. This post has been a pretty great one since I could go back and trace my blogging journey. From someone who wrote as a novice to someone who picked up the ropes along the way, I can see the transition in me as a blogger. My titles are better, thoughts more structured, presentation numbered or sub headed and included images. The journey of learning do's and don't's has been long, painstaking but fun! I can't think if anything else that gives me greater joy than producing a piece of great writing! 

Marriage isn't for a lifetime.

Photo credit

A woman married for 14 years to a man who never respected her or earned her respect. He never had a job or shared responsibilities. He lied about his educational qualification and his family supported him just to get him married. She ran the household. She took care of her girl-child. She put up with his egoistic tantrums. But after 14 long years of her life, she decided to call it quits. But isn’t marriage supposed to be a relationship of a lifetime?

My last post was about my own blissful years of marriage. Very ironically this one is pondering over whether there is a justified time and reason to walk out of a marriage. No, there’s no storm brewing in my life. But when you come across people who carry on being married even though it is unendurable, one does stop to think. 

I always believe that if it doesn’t work out between two people, it’s just better for them to find happiness elsewhere. But what is that limit? What determines that it isn’t working out. And how far along do you wait before giving it all up? Are there times when staying married is worse than giving it up, no matter how sacred the institution? 

Yes, there are. 

In popular perception of our times, marriage as a tie is at its tenuous best - thanks to DINK couples and all the stress they go through. It’s just too much effort to live up to the expectations that keep this bond going. It is quite possible that it might not work out between the spouses. 

Photo credit

The first reason, to me, is lack of respect for the spouse. If the spouses don’t love or care for each other anymore, the whole point of being in a marriage is futile. Being together is to be able to share ones good and bad times. And if that isn’t possible anymore in a relationship, it is best to let go. 

As if the complications of making it work between two people isn’t enough, marriage is very much a function of families and the society. And both these institutions - family and society - could be responsible for keeping two people yoked together. 

I have seen some of my own friends go through a bad marriage because their parents wouldn’t hear of anything else. Girls in our country are always taught that it is their duty to gel into their new family. They are trained to look after everyone and not expect in return. This becomes her undoing since she becomes incapable of standing up for herself. The boundaries of tolerance are pretty wide. Hence, it takes a long time to realise how much is too much. But lack of support from parents is still a a big reason why they just carry on with their marriage. 

Even though this is common for women, I also know men who just stick to their unhappy marriage because their parents think that just living together gives respectability in the eyes of the society. They would not bear to compromise on that. And this is irrespective of the fact that their own children live through suffering. 

There is also a lot of “what will people say!” So people just choose to stay unhappy as long as they can maintain the facade of being happily married. 

Photo credit

But whatever the reason, I think only the two people involved in a relationship should have the freedom and the right to decide to call it off. In many cases, marriage is not a lifetime of love. And it is better to accept that for the good of all the people involved. To use the liberty to go out there and find your happiness with someone else more suited to you. 

7 things I have learnt in as many years of marriage

7 wonderful years of togetherness!!

In my last post, which was actually supposed to be this one, I rambled on with my musings on marriage. I am sure there are reams written on marriage. If you looking for practical stuff that I have learnt in my life, this post is for you. 

I am no marriage guru and have just hit the 7 year mark in a relationship that is supposed to last a lifetime, apparently. And 7 years isn’t much from that perspective. But yes, I have learnt a few things in these years that will stay with me forever. Stuff that hit at the rosy picture that marriage is made out to be. You might read some of them and say - what nonsense! This doesn't happen anymore! But let me assure you that it does! 

1. Compatibility is a myth. Compromise is the key. I knew my husband for just over a year when I got married to him. The person I knew was this suave and successful guy who swept me off my feet with his charm! But living under the same roof turned out to be a totally different ball game. We were no longer meeting in cafes once in few weeks and did not put our best foot forward! 

The task of having to live with another person from a different brought up, background, preferences, idiosyncrasies, moods, experiences and worldview is no laughing matter. It takes all the patience that you can muster every single day to keep it going. Thats the only way you will make it work. And it doesn’t matter whether you had a love marriage or an arranged one. 

On our first anniversary

2. Marriage is not romantic. Romance is just a tool for mechanical maintenance of the relationship. I know that sounds quite drab! I just mean that the spark that ignites a new relationship is easily put out with time. What sustains the relationship is true love for each other, which may not essentially be romantic. We were so lovey-dovey in the initial months. But very soon real life, work, stress and the business of running life took over. The fact that his work involved insane amount of travel didn’t make things any easier. And then started the maintenance bit. We need to make time and schedule time together. And I mean squeeze whatever time that you can lay your hands on. Social commitments, relatives, bills, laundry - all can wait. It’s very easy to get carried away with mundane things at the cost of quality time. Listen to each other’s favourite tracks. Watch a show in a theatre. Or just stay in your room and catch up with some old fashioned chit chat! (remember to put your phones away and switch the door bell off)

3. You are not one mind, body and soul. My husband loves his gadgets and I love my cosmetics. He listens to a lot of English music and I love my desi Bollywood fare. And these differences are actually interesting. The bedrock of a strong marriage is this freedom to be able to pursue our interests on our own. Spending quality time with each other to reconnect is vital to the survival of the marriage. But that doesn’t always have to be an act of self-effacement. Being on your own at times and pursuing your independent identity is equally important.

4. Find a balance. Where and what needs to be balanced is unique to the couple. Two different individuals are bound to have different views about how things should be done. But since you jointly run the household, it is important to find a balance. Since the woman generally moves into her husband’s house, make efforts to get her comfortable. She may be used to things in a certain way. Give reasons, discuss and ensure each partner has his/her way one time or the other. The way we find balance is to take care of areas we are strong at. For instance, I know about the bills and he makes better travel schedules. 

At NH7 weekender last year

5. Mutual respect and equality shore up the relationship. I have been exceptionally lucky that I am always treated with the utmost respect. We all have rough times. But my better half understands my ups and downs. And more often than not just the process of venting out makes me feel a million times better! Support for each other’s work, hobbies, dreams and aspirations is also pretty critical. I have been blessed to have complete support from my spouse to go out there and do what I dream of! And I have ensured that he could go out and achieve his career goals without having to worry about home. 

In the Indian context, the husband generally has the upper hand and the woman is just expected to fall in line. But with changing times, it is a great thing to see the mindset change. 

6. Don’t compare yourself to others. While we do have frames of reference from our parents’ marriage or from elsewhere, the trajectory of every marriage is unique. The only perfect scenario is what works for the couple. For years, people kept commenting on our erratic schedule. We did not have the conventional routine everyone else had with regular sleep and meal times. We still pretty much suit ourselves! It was tough for me too after having led a regimented life for close to 3 decades of my life. And my mind rebelled at this haphazardness. My attempts at taming our unruly routines just did not work. And gradually I realised - to each his own! Couples with full time jobs have to have a very planned life. But for a work-from-home couple like us, that wasn’t priority. Our life was different with my husband mostly between business travel and me holding the other things in place. 

Aging together! 

7. Marriage is work in progress, always! Yes, there is no happily-ever-after in real life. You just learn to get more at home with each other. But not without constant effort to keep it up. It never just takes care of itself. And if you are really committed to make things work, you will be up to the toil it takes to pull through good and bad times.

Are there more things that you can think of? Feel free to add them in the comments. My marriage is work in progress and I’d love to learn from your views. 

Is getting married even worth it?

Our younger selves in the first year!

“I don’t believe in soul mates either. I don’t think that you and I were destined to end up together. I think we fell in love and we work hard at our relationship. 

Some days we work really hard” 

I find myself nodding my approval at Monica Geller’s words in F.R.I.E.N.D.S. They ring so true today as I reach the 7 year mark in my marriage. Don’t all of us dream that we will get married to our soul mates and live happily ever after? No matter what others go through, we believe we will certainly have a great partner, never have a fight, always keep the romance alive and just have the perfect marriage!! 

And these humongous expectations from the institution are what lead to our undoing. At least, it did lead to mine! I remember being so heart broken after our first fight a few days into our marriage. To my naive understanding, perfect couples don’t fight, ever! And we weren’t the perfect couple anymore because we broke that rule..and so soon! I can’t help but have a hearty laugh at that now. 

So if you start with huge expectations, you need a reality check. Or you are in for a rude shock. Let me tell you that marriage is a difficult, complicated and convoluted relationship rife with sexual and gender politics. It’s not easy to live with someone who throws wet towels on the bed (usually men) while the other wants to keep it clean (mostly women). And it’s a bloody tough task to keep up with someone who’s demanding in a relationship (mostly women) while all the other partner wants to do is watch soccer and unwind with a chilled beer (mostly men). Sometimes, I feel the worst invention of all times is this concept of putting together 2 individuals under the same roof for rest of their lives! I mean, we were living life on our own terms for a few decades and bam...you have to accommodate this other person in all aspects of your life now!

Photo credit

Why, then, do we even need to get married? Aren’t we, as humans, intelligent enough to comprehend how impractical this is? My answer to this is that the love, companionship, togetherness, freedom, peace and the sense of security that marriage brings is worth every bit of dirty work. We are social, emotional beings. We need to be with people and are insufficient, incomplete on our own. A constant companion is the anchor that keeps the ship of our life from floating rudderless. You have someone to come back home to. This concept might seem a bit outdated with our busy schedules. But I still feel the relationship makes sure that no matter how far the birds fly (pun intended!), they are going to come back to the comfort of the nest they put together!. 

I feel sad to see things not working out for some people. I wonder how big are the differences that people begin to hate each other and drift apart. Very unpleasantly, at times.  I know about celebrities separating after a good decade of being with their partner. I am sure there are plenty of common people like you and me who go through the same plight. But even as successful stars, it must be equally traumatic. I sometimes feel there is no reason that justifies giving up on each other. But I guess to each his own and don’t want to be judgmental. If people can’t find companionship and happiness with each other, it’s better for them to find it elsewhere. 

Then there are also exceptionally lucky people who have cupid striking them more than once! Those are the people on the other end of the spectrum. While we ordinary mortals scrape out all our patience and courage to keep up with one partner, they move on with gay abandon and explore greener pastures. That’s the more colourful side of matrimony for you. 

What do you think about marriage? Married or single, you are bound to have a view. Or experiences to share. Feel free to leave your comments below. I’d love to hear from you!

The Big Fat Traditional Indian Wedding!!

It seems like ages since i sat down to write my blog. i was kinda busy with a big, fat, traditional Indian wedding.  i was aware all my life that an Indian Wedding is nothing short of a mini carnival.  But i seem to notice more of its details since i myself got married. Aunts and uncles, nephews and nieces, grand mums and grand dads, family friends and neighbours all descend out of nowhere to stand witness to the union of two bodies and souls.  There's a whole lot of shopping for clothes, jewellery, flowers, fruits, bookings for the venue, caterers, musicians, beauticians (even for men!) and mehendiwalis. Not to forget innumerable items to be bought for the ceremony itself depending on the tradition in which the wedding will be solemnised. Invitations to be selected, printed and distributed to a formidable number of relatives and long-forgotten friends. After all, a wedding invitation is a strong message of solidarity and unity towards all those who get it. (It is of great concern if there is a wedding of someone you know and you don't get invited!!) And then the management of the D-day itself to ensure that duties are delegated and all fronts well armed to handle any mishaps. The boy's side should have no reason to complain about anything. 

i also want to add that we are such slaves of tradition that i no matter where we are in the world, we home home to get married. Guess the feeling of being married doesn't register without the elaborate rituals. i know of a couple who met in the US and settled down there. But came back home to dare a gruelling and ponderous three day long ceremony that was required to declare them man and wife!! Smiling through the misery in the hot and humid month of June! After all, marriage is a social institution and it has to be social event as well! Warna log kya kahenge!! 

i find all this frenetic pace of activity very common across communities. (I've witnessed the union of both North Indian and South Indian souls!!) But then there can be an alternative way of this union. Go to the court and sign a register before the Magistrate (which is also not as simple as it sounds, trust me, but simpler than the traditional jingbang!) But can we ever conceive an Indian Wedding as humdrum as signing a register and it's all over!! Or is it?

At the end of the day, everyone heaves a sigh of collective relief. The coy bride is finally gone with her groom for a happily ever after married life.  The decorations are pulled down and all the relatives are gone into oblivion waiting to re-emerge in the next family congregation. The long day is over and the musicians have gone home. We don't need them anymore because the music will be made elsewhere! 

In the midst of frantic preparations for the event itself, we forget that this is not the end but the beginning for the two people involved. It doesn't matter which way you got married - traditional or registered (Trust me! I have been through both -  with the same person!!!!). Or how many guests ate at the feast or how expensive were the gifts everyone got. All that matters is the course of married life that the couple follows. Ironically, the entire swarm of relatives will be missing from the action when the two actually learn to co-exist with each other. The true challenge actually begins when all the romance of the courtship goes poof in the face of realities. There's much more to life after the initial euphoria of getting  married is over. One can make a good life and justify all the hullabaloo or just give up on the each other and be in the news once again for the wrong reasons - Seperation!