#NaBloPoMo Day 12 - Does charity really help?

I was sitting at Marine Drive with a friend when a street kid came begging. I'll commend his cheek for saying that he wanted money to have some ice cream. Now this was new compared to the usual demand for money or food that comes form such kids. I was a little wary. The heart does melt when a sickly, unkempt little thing comes around like this - especially when you just spent for a dinner for two at Pizza By the Bay without batting an eye lid. Doesn't the kid at least deserve an ice cream! I usually chat up with such kids just to figure out what's up. Just my way to find justification in indulging a random kid. My friend was flabbergasted that I was even holding a conversation with him instead of dismissing him right away. What would you do if you were in my position?

Last evening, we stopped by the road and my spouse went into the shop to get some crackers - a first since we got married 8 years ago. I was sitting in the car when 2 kids accosted me and asked for money to have dal-chawal (rice and lentils). They even knew what one plate cost and said if they buy a full plate, both of them could have dinner. In this case, my guilt kicked in again because we were planning to give away food to street kids this Diwali but never got down to doing it. As usual, I began my drill with them to understand where do they live and what will they do with the money. And I think we also generally give in to the guilt of squandering money while these kids may not have a proper meal on a festival. What would you do here in my place?

I gave money - I think a 100 bucks each time! (yeah! I am that mushy)

What each one did with the money is his Karma. But I still like to believe that I did a good deed and my intentions were honest.

I also bought a whole bunch of stuff for Kashmir flood relief - in hindsight, I think I overdid it - to do my bit for people in need. Only to be told by a friend in the army that they did not need relief materials - a lot of which was taken away by people in charge before it reached the actual beneficiaries - but they'd appreciate if people would volunteer to help them rescue people.

I have often wondered whether our charity matters. Who deserves it? What do they do with the money/materials people get? Where does this distrust come from? What is the kind of charity I should be doing to make a real difference? While it's great to feel bad about people living on footpaths and guilty about being blessed while they are not. I think I am just conditioned with stories where people take old clothes and sell them to go back to begging in their tattered clothes. Or kids being sent to beg where all the money is taken by parents and the kid is really not the beneficiary.

Apart from my brush with street kids and other sporadic attempts at charity, the first time I really started giving away stuff was to this charity organisation called Goonj. It has proven credentials and does a great job in this area. I still gather clothes that don't fit or I won't wear and send it to their collection centres. I like the fact that they have their needs specifically marked out. Since they are serious in what they do - they need clothes in wearable condition and not as if you meant to throw them away. Humanising things you give away is touching.

I am still always confused about who is the right candidate for charity. We all find people hanging outside eateries/restaurants making you feel guilty the moment you get out. Some of them have kids in tow and I really don't know what to do.

What do you think about giving away things? Do you believe in charity for random kids, like I do? Is there an annual system you follow and ensure you have done your bit towards the less privileged? Would you like to do more for such people? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Drop your comments here or hit me on Twitter at @Suman_Kher. Waiting to hear from you!

#NaBloPoMo Day 11 - Happy Diwali

I always thought Diwali was celebrated equally among all Hindus. But as I went through experiences, I realised that each community has varying degrees of importance for the festival. There are other important ones - like Navratri is bigger for Bengalis while Keralites actually give Diwali a miss. The latter fact painfully dawned on me after I got married to one. Lighting diyas for diwali which is considered auspicious in my tradition has no significance to Keralites. Left to me, it's taken me years to trickle in the tradition bit by bit into my current life. But this Diwali turned out to be the best in all these years. Lighting the diyas, Lakshmi Pooja, hogging on sweets and even crackers thrown in. (Despite the whole Diwali should be cracker-less debate) It's like all the things that Diwali stands for in my mind magically came together. I had hoped it would and it actually did! Lights, for me, are the best part of the festival. I just love looking at lights all around during Diwali.

Tell me about how you celebrate Diwali? Is it all about sweets and visiting people? Or are you ritualistic and believe that lighting diyas and saying your prayers is the focus of your festivities? Or do you celebrate with online shopping and card parties all night? I have realised that there are different ways in which people celebrate this festival. I'd love to hear about how you all do it.

#NaBloPoMo Day 3: This Diwali, clean the cobwebs of your mind first

I stayed home today to finish some errands and work from home the rest of the day. I had just sat down to work and warming up to whatever I was doing. Just then the maid came and asked me to move from the bed so that she could clean the fans. I moved to the table on the other side and just about began my work when she was there too. A quick wipe and the fan in the bedroom was done. I had to move out of the balcony so that she could clean that area. I packed my stuff and left home to find a more peaceful place to work in. But that set me thinking.

The first thought that came to my mind was why such thorough cleaning? Scrubbing everything clean for Diwali has always been the most cliche concept I know. If you are really that keen on being squeaky clean and spotless, once a month will help achieve better results. Once a year is too infrequent. Plus, doing everything once a year needs more time and effort. Wouldn't it be more intelligent to spread it across the year?

The second thought that jumped at me was that there’s no point making our homes look pristine if we can’t get rid of the muck and filth in our minds. Even though I had a specific person in mind when I thought of that, I think it applies to all of us. I was also reminded of this picture that Gurprriet Singh, who I follow on Twitter, had posted a while back. And to me, this is the real cleaning for any occasion. Why scrub our homes to purity while we still nurse grudges, feel jealous of the neighbour's prosperity and discriminate against the poor!

Clear the cobwebs in your mind first! (Photo Credit: @JoyAndLife)

A spotless house is of no use unless the people living in it make it a home with uncluttered thoughts of pure love for each other. Why wait till the new year to let go of the old and make a fresh start? Look inside, peep into dark corners you’d like to light up this Diwali. Wipe out the dust of indecision, scrub out the hatred and suspicion you have held on to, make peace with things that’ll never be and make space for the beautiful things that life has to offer instead.

Scan your thoughts and think of what is it that you want to get rid of this Diwali. And what would you like to bring in. Dare to clear the cobwebs and look forward to new things you’d like to decorate the space with instead. Maybe share one of your blessings with the less fortunate. Try to support someone who's a poor performer at office. He may just get better with your help. Thank the woman in your house who puts your comfort and needs first. Be patient with the elderly in your building who take their own time to go down the stairs. Maybe lead a helping hand. Look eye to eye at someone you haven't spoken to in years. Maybe they are just waiting for you to break the ice.

Or call that long lost friend you always think of. Enrol in that hobby class you thought you’d pursue when you have a job and the money but never found the time after that. Let go of petty grudges you take home everyday. There will be so much less cleaning next Diwali. Like I mentioned, if clearing out clutter and dirt is important to you, do it regularly. In your house and in your mind. Don’t pile it for a year and try to frantically get rid of in one shot.

Try this new form of cleaning this Diwali. Feel the weights lift and your soul unburden itself!

(Thank you Yash Mahadik for the very appropriate word, cobwebs, that just stuck in my mind)

Crackers, sweets and lots of fun.....

It’s that time of the year again when we are in the midst of festivals and celebrations. We had just gotten over the excitement of Ganapati immersion and it was time to don our best Garba gear and dance away till the crack of dawn. While we fasted for Navratras, there was the holy month of Ramadan fasting for the muslims and Paryushan Parv for the Jains as ways to uplift themselves spiritually. And no it’s not over yet! Dussehra celebrated the victory of good over evil by burning Ravan effigies and we are anticipating Diwali to mark Lord Ram’s homecoming with his bride for Diwali.

Such is the sweep and richness of the Indian culture that we have occasions to be bursting with festive spirit all through the year. Every festival, no matter which community it belongs to, has its own ancient cultural and mythical significance. And when we look around, we’ll find that we have so much to learn. These festivals usher in a didactic message - All religions are one. Our festivals mostly marry worship with celebration, fasting with feasting, austerity with opulence. The fasting signifies strengthening of the moral fibre and the successful completion of the penance calls for celebration. All, like the others, have a way of worship through penance for your past sins, a way of getting closer to our Creator. The twin themes of worship and celebration runs throughout. The feast of Diwali has Lakshmi Pooja and Raksha Bandhan has a prayer for a brother's long life. Delhities fast during Navratras culminating it with 
Ashtami pooja while Mumbaikars gyrate to dandya songs and worship Garba (the pot with diyas)

We might have our own ways of merry making but food, drink and dressing up are invariably a part of it. The market places are decorated, teeming with activity as people catch up with their shopping. Dandya sticks and Garba garbs, Rakhi for brothers, buntings to decorate the house, diyas to light outside and lots of sweets to gorge on.

The festivities is also a time to catch up with near and dear ones and shore up the ties with them. It is in India that we have so many occasions to be a big large family! An occasion to take time out and spend some quality time with old parents, school friends, brothers, sisters, cousins, grandparents and the neighbourhood who saw you when you were a little kid!!

So go all out and enjoyy!!

Hum Hindustani!!

India is land of festivals. Almost everyday is celebrated by one or the other community somewhere in the country. We have a fair idea of the common festivals like Diwali, Christmas, Holi and Id. We know about lights, cakes, colours and Biryani! But there are a plethora of other festivals celebrated across India not just in other communities but also in our own. But we only have a vague idea about them. And most of us don't have the time or inclination to educate ourselves about the mythical significance or sagas that went into the making  of these special days.

As children, we have been a part of the preparations for special occasions. We have seen our mothers clean and decorate the house (we were only assistants back then!!), make sweets specific to the festival and tell us what to do on those days. We were only happy to gorge on sweets, rustling around in our new clothes! 

Born and lived in Bangalore for 16 yrs, i am at best a pseudo-punjabi and can't claim to be grounded in either culture. As a child, i have nibbled on neem leaves and jaggery for Ugadi, been part of Mahashivratri festivities and burst crackers for our own Diwali. Another decade in Delhi exposed me to a whole lot of festivals, more North Indian in flavour. The fervour of Navratras twice a year is a regular feature up north of the country. In fact, even we began the ritual of making halwa, puri and chhole for Ashtami - something that we didn't do while in Bangalore since that spirit was hardly palpable down south.  The festival Raksha Bandhan that i thought was just tying a thread turned out to be a huge festival in its own right. Sweet makers extend their stalls for at least a week in advance to cater to the demands around the festival. Diwali brought in even more feverish pace of festivities. 

Having been through the khichdi of Indian festivals, i am still not sure if i can really claim to know properly why even one of them is celebrated. What is the importance of the rituals or the sweets associated with the day. i wonder how equipped are we, as a Young Generation, to pass on those values to our kids. Will we, with our busy lifestyle, have the time, energy, inclination and motivation to teach our kids about the rich Indian festivals and why they are celebrated? Will i as a mother, sit my kid down on Onam and make floral rangoli outside my house? Will we be able to educate them about the importance of Durga Pooja, Easter, Vishu, Gudi Padwa? Will i, on my own, even keep track of when those festivals come and go? i don't think i could do justice to days like Lohri and Baisakhi which are festivals of the Punjabi Community - technically my own. 

With the extent of cultural decline in our generation, i wonder what would it be like for the next generation. i wonder how much of that festival fervour will our kids be lucky enough to experience. We have lived a fair bit that our parents handed us town. It wasn't the real thing like it probably was in their childhood with extended families, palatial homes with verandas and the real culture in its true essence still alive and kicking. Folk songs for every festival and home made tasty food stuff. But we have still seen some of that glory and lived it! 

Today, i feel, we are so captivated by the so called modern culture that we are forgetting our cultural roots. This is a double-edged sword. It's not just taking us away from our own culture but also not helping make an alien culture completely our own. It is so important for us to try and retain some of that ardour we have inherited. Because we belong here, to this great nation called India. And no matter how much we laud other progressive nations and ape the west in what we wear and eat, our Dil will still be Hindustani. We need to ensure that our rich cultural heritage is not lost in our generation. We need to do justice to our Indianness and preserve its true reflection for the future generations - our festivals.