Women over 40 are invisible. It gets worse in their 50s. This is something that I hear often, so I thought how about I dig deep into come research and my ow experiences to see how much of that is true.
Do I feel invisible? I did not think so. It didn't feel like people were seeing through me. But when I consciously paid attention to it, I actually liked the lack of attention. That no one stared at me when I walk down a street. I did not miss the catcalls and the ogling that younger women face. It's a relief when that stops happening. When the negative attention vanishes. When no one gives you a second glance. When no one cares that you are there.
I think we, as women, are so used to being seen all our lives. We always pay attention to how we look, how we dress up - people take note when we turn up at places. Both from a male and female perspective. So for a couple of decades the focus and attention is on us. Even our own self-esteem depends on all that attention. We want to dress up and look good. It's painful and time consuming but we do it. How we look is at the center of our identity.
And as we grow older, we only grow in confidence. The 40s are the start of our most confident decades. The shitty years are behind us when we did not know better. We spent them learning about ourselves and pandering to other people's needs. We cared about what the world thought and if people judged us.
40s is the beginning of not giving a damn. As our bodies start going through yet another hormonal upheaval, we just don't have the energy to care. It takes effort to be nice and I am don't making that effort. I know myself so much better and can't be bothered about people who judge me. They can judge all they want - probably that's part of their daily workout. It's not helping me lose the extra pounds. I have more agency over my life because I know, more than ever, what I want and like.
So how do we come on our own after all the hardships, yet become invisible as we age? That's irony at its best! And when I started reading up, the Invisible Woman Syndrome is real! Apparently the average age of us vanishing in the eyes of others is 52. Less attention at work, fewer promotions - it's like all the wisdom that we amassed over the decades is suddenly useless. So I am guessing that the becoming invisible is more a social phenomenon outside of us than what we feel.
As we age, we are not candidates for the beauty campaigns that promise everlasting youth. Our skin is beyond the powers of plumping agents. The threshold for that is the 30s where you catch them young - wrinkles and fine lines.
We suddenly become contenders for every thing anti-ageing. On closer look, the term itself is pretty aggressive if you ask me. "Anti" ageing - as if the process of ageing is dangerous like UV rays or maybe, cancerous. We needs weapons to fight it. From skincare, to haircare - everything is a separate class helping you cope with the inevitable change of life - like ageing a malady.
In fact, I haven't come across an apparel campaign which helps older women dress better. I think the older you get, the less polite it is to refer to you as old but the invisibility cloak also obviates the need for such a campaign.
So all the marketing and advertising is aimed at younger women. The models who project the perfect form of beauty we should aspire to makes us feel like a sack of potatoes. No wonder we sometimes want to just curl into a ball and hide inside mother earth. How many of us have been grappling with the question - to grey or not to grey - including me! I know that when I let it all grey, the way people look at me will change. The way I look at myself will change. It takes courage to look our true selves. Although I wear sneakers with dresses now - heels be damned - and will nonchalantly step out without make up, I still haven't found the valour to let my hair grow out in all it's greying glory!
In fact, so unfriendly is the world towards ageing women that I found a blog dedicated to making travel easy for older women. 70% solo women travellers feel that the travel industry doesn't understand their travel needs. Boy! wish I had travelled when the world was still a friendly place for me.
This brings me to the question: Do I feel invisible? Have I personally felt ignored in restaurants, work places or social spaces? I don't think so. I have only gained confidence in my 40s. I make my opinions count be it, in my work and my personal life. I've become more vocal about what I want and how I want things and more proactive and going and getting them and making things happen. Like I said I am more comfortable in my skin so I don't care about heels or make up. Is it because I know no one's watching me? I wonder!
Come to think of it, 40s and 50s is way too young to become invisible. given the life expectancy that we have now, what about the time when we get older? With visible wrinkles on our faces and a pronounced creaking of our joints, extending our hands to find support to hold on to as we walk. I don't know what are the remedial measures to make the world see us again and not be defeated by ageism. Maybe we need to be more vocal, make our presence felt and have the world accept us in the our new avatars - sans makeup and every thing.
What do you think?
(1004)
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