Happy New Year!

It’s that time of the year again. When all of us have our anticipating eyes set on the new year. The remaining days of this year don’t count. Some of us are planning parties. Some others are a part of parties thrown by others. And some others, like me, don’t mind ushering in the new year quietly in the confines of their homes. But all of us are thinking of at least one thing that we want to change about ourselves in the new year. Choose to call it a resolution or by any other name, all of us think of the new year as the best time to kick bad habits and begin afresh with good ones. i can wildly guess that the resolution on top of most people’s list is to lose weight. At least to start and stick to a regular exercise routine. It’s the most common because this goal is perennially on our list as we begin, flounder, give up and begin again with renewed energy only to fall back into the vicious circle through the year. Many others might want to kick the butt or the bottle. Maybe develop a new skill, start looking for that dream job you have postponed for so long or simply stop biting your nails!

The resolution could be anything. We all know what the end result is going to be. The first few days of the new year will keep us motivated and remind us to be regular with whatever goal we have in mind. But gradually we’ll miss it for a day or two, real life will take over. And as the new year wears on, so will our enthusiasm. The reassurance we should look for is that our intentions behind the resolutions were honest. We just need to be constantly motivated and realize that setbacks are a part of any change process. We just need to start afresh as many times as we fail. There is no other way to do it. And probably we’ll be more successful if we didn’t wait for the new year to start initiating change yet again.

Whatever your resolutions - all the best!

And a Happy New Year to you all!

Trials in the life of a freelance trainer

Being a freelancer in any field has both, advantages and disadvantages. As a freelancer myself, i can vouch for the the fact that the biggest perk of being a freelancer is the flexibility it offers to plan your work around other things in your life. You can decide how much work you want to take on. And also appraise your own worth as you gain experience over a period of time.

When i tell people that I am a freelance corporate trainer, their eye brows go up in admiration (God knows why?) possibly because it’s not exactly a mainstream career. A whole retinue of trainers have spawned only in the recent past. A whole bunch of freelancers I should say. This happened because a lot of companies woke up to the new fangled idea of having training sessions organized for their staff.

On an individual level, i definitely feel passionate about training - meeting new people, handling new content and ensuring that the training is a success at the end of the day. The thrill begins with stepping into a training session with participants i set eyes on on the same day. And to not just build rapport with them but also be able to get the learnings across through building credibility by the end of mere 8 hours of a day. The failure to rightly assess the participants at the beginning of the session can spell doom for the rest of the session.

In all the years that I have been freelancing, i have come across certain challenges which are unique to freelance training profession. Especially if you are an individual not affiliated to any organisation. First of all, as a freelancer, one is perennially a job seeker, you might get assignments faster and better ones with experience, but work doesn’t land on one’s lap unless there’s constant effort towards it. If you are new to the field without much experience to boast of, it could be a rough ride.

We all work in exchange for money. As a freelancer, you earn as much as you work almost on a pro rata basis. Consulting companies, who are mediators between the client and the trainer, definitely get work for the trainer. But at the expense of the fee that the trainer’s work and worth deserves. Since the consultant does the majority of the work, the trainer ends up with a very small percentage of the deal. This might sound fair but the expectations from the trainer to get excellent feedback after having steeped into the scene on the day of the training far exceeds the compensation given for fulfilling them.

The dates for training programs have to be committed in advance to the client. So one has to ensure that uncertainties in life don’t interfere with them. This is a bigger difficulty since there are no substitutes for a freelancer. If i commit dates to a client a month in advance, its pretty much a commitment on which my integrity towards my work rests. i better have a really strong reason for calling them off, if the need arises. So suffering from fever etc are definitely paltry reasons to jeopardize your relationship with the client by canceling the session.

This brings me to the next big challenge. A trainer is as good as his or her last session. i have done great programs for consultants but got dropped out suddenly because one session didn’t fetch good feedback. That too because the training needs analysis wasn’t done well and hence the content was unsuitable for the group. And i could have done precious little to save the day having just stepped in at the training stage in front of live audience. The consultant refused to take the blame and expected me to have done something to keep the participants happy! So, one slip and you might lose the rapport built painstakingly with a client over a long time. The feedback based on the preliminary perceptions of the trainees is more critical to the career of a trainer than the real long term benefits a company might gain from the program. Sad, but true!

Another thing that is generally never mentioned as a hardship in training is the physically strenuous nature of the sessions. The trainer is on his or her feet for almost 8 hours of the session to sustain the energy levels of the group. This can have a huge effect on a person training on an average 4 days a week. The back, legs, soles of the feet are just a few areas that bear the highest brunt apart from vocal chords that can get harmed with constant talking. i speak from experience of one of the assignments I had worked on for 6 months. It’s not just mentally arduous but also takes a toll on one’s body.

i have tried to put forth an insider’s view of a trainer’s life. It is great to interact with new people and do exciting assignments. But it’s not as glamourous as it looks. It is, sometimes literally, back breaking work. It is worthwhile only for the satisfaction it brings to a trainer’s life of having made some difference to people’s lives, albeit for a short while.

Innocence lost

The longer i stay away from Delhi, the harder it is for me to adjust back during my trips. Sometimes i am surprised that i lived in the city for 12 years of my life. But i guess those were simpler times. Though i’ve always had problems with the class/status obsession among the people of the city. The car you drive, the house you own, the clothes you wear, the dog you have, the bai who comes to your house, the look of the guests you receive, the colour of your watchman’s pants and the size of your crockery cupboard. Every single thing points only to your status. Crazy but very true about the capital city of india.

Okay! So i console myself thinking we all know how it works and how much of it is just a show off.  But there is one thing that truly disturbed me this time. And that is the effect all this show-shaw has on kids. And age no-bar here. i always knew my niece had her school van friends boasting about the movies they watched and she came back home complaining that she hadn’t. And i also knew that these kids had an eye on the birthday cakes in other kids’ parties to make sure they matched up to the trend on their own special day. And birthday party is as fun or memorable as the return gift.

But as my niece reached her 7th birthday, this sense of competition seems to have reached new heights. And at that age, we were busy taking care of one doll we ever got and a couple of comic books. A new dress on the day is definitely still the norm. But the dress has to be unique - a Snow white costume or a Cinderella dress. And if you have the one that no one else did among friends, the kid feels a new sense of respect. (We later realised that her idea behind choosing a particular dress was to tease another show-off friend, a year younger,  who had teased her earlier!) Toffees for class mates is fine but how about cupcakes for the school van companions. She wants to obviously stand out and be the talk of the town by using these novel ideas.

The materialism bug has definitely bit the kids industry. There is the largest variety of games and toys available and at ridiculously high prices. i wonder if it even makes sense to have entire household set with a Barbie doll for kids to play. The tiny pieces in the set are lost as fast as the kid’s interest in the novelty of the toy. But the number and type of gifts received for the day are equally important to make an impression among the peer group. No matter how many Barbie doll a kid has, there is always scope for more. And the more gifts kids get the more they hope to get. And that’s because the high point is in opening new gifts and then they lose interest in exactly 5 seconds hoping on to unwrap the next one. 

And the worst part is the sense of superiority with which they are going to go back and ‘show-off’ to their friends about how many latest and expensive toys they own. And the tone is ‘oh-so-perfect’ and condescending. I feel really scared for these kids who have lost the innocence of a toys and books being just that rather that status symbols in their own baby world.

When i really think deeply about this i realize that it’s impossible to keep them away from all this. They live in a society where appearances are more important and are used to judge the real you. How would young kids attach meanings to inanimate objects unless parents have somewhere been instrumental in guiding them towards it? i agree that parents might have the means to make a mega event out of their child’s birthday. Maybe it’s their way of reasserting their position in the social strata. But is that more important than instilling the value of more important things in their kid. Aren’t there other areas where they could make the same point? Is it so shameful to teach their children to value their toys instead of saying we can afford to get more every few days so it’s ok to throw things around?

Food for thought? Yeah! But we'll have to rise above the petty materialism and broaden our horizons so that the next generation can perceive the true value of things that truly matter.

Rain rain...go away!

They: Oh! The weather’s so lovely! Raining and green and romantic! I love this weather!
Me: i hate the rains!
They: What are you saying? Really??
Me: What’s so romantic?
They: Wow! Sipping coffee, watching the rain is so wonderful!
Me: And what happens when you have to step out?

Dig a little deeper and to that love of rain comes with a ‘conditions apply’. It lasts only as long as the cup of coffee comfortably sprawled on your couch. And then it’s all there. The troubles of reaching office in muddy waters. Sitting all day with wet ends of your pants folded. The stubborn rickshaw walas who exercise their right to free will exactly during monsoons. Clogged roads that make walking on them a messy task. Puddled potholes that further slow down the drive home. The groceries that are finally over and you have to step out now to buy more. Or maybe order food for home delivery. But the torrential rain ensures that by the time your food arrives, you’ve waited so long for it that you want to just curl into your bed and sleep. Not to mention the dampness that creeps into every inch of the indoors that you really begin missing the dry crispness of summers.

There is an alternate world like Bollywood that has turned monsoons into a fantastic opportunity for romance. Invariably, it's the leading lady drenched to the core unleashing sensuality...or something like that. (Trust me, all I am thinking watching something like that is "yuck! wet clothes sticking to the body. Get her some dry clothes!) And some of those romantic associations seem to be stuck in real life as well.

In the end, i know it’s fun to watch the rain from the safe distance of our homes and enjoy Raveena gyrating to tip tip barsa paani on TV. But it’s totally different to encounter it in all aspects of life while trying to get on with the practical business of life. So guys, just own up! Rains aren't as wow! on second thoughts as it comes across in the first!

What more can I add?

No, this is not another moral lecture on the state of society. Nor is it an outburst, as a woman, at the heinous gangrape that happened in Delhi. These are just observations that come to my mind. My attitude is impassive. Because all the passion in the world has not and cannot change a thing. So why waste human emotion better put to use elsewhere.

The first thing that comes to my mind when i think of it is that the victim was just plain unlucky. Having one’s body literally ripped apart at the end of a fine Sunday for no fault of one’s own is sheer bad luck. What else would you call being helplessly manhandled by a group of men who not just rape but ram an iron rod into the body all the way to the intestines!! Just like that. Out of nowhere.

Some people have brought attention to the fact that the main culprit comes from the lower strata of society and has had a bad childhood. Is that a reason for us to soften towards him? Does that justify behaving like an animal and ripping another human apart? Should all people take it out on innocent women because society at large did them injustice? And there are probably a few million unprivileged people like him around. You do the math.

Like i said earlier, nothing has and will radically change. Anytime soon. Though i find certain facts very ironic in the light of the unsafe situation of women. Delhi is the power capital of the country. The leader of the ruling party is a woman and so is the Chief Minister. The latter proudly so for multiple tenures. She’s been around for over a decade now. And yet are we expecting a miracle from her when we expect her to have done something to alter the situation of women in her state?

Our prime minister himself, in his lip service of a speech, claimed to be the father of 3 daughters. How does the heart of a father of 3 girls not splinter into a thousand pieces every time the horrible and humiliating plight of others’ daughters comes to light? i think the man should be affected 3 times as much God forbidding it was one of his daughters! And yet, not just the father but even our Prime Minister, who is one of the people who can really make a difference, is devoid of any genuine emotion.

What’s even more ironic is that while all the power centered in Delhi has failed to take any action against the situation, the action on the protestors was prompt. As if they are at fault. Not one official or minister made an attempt to understand the intent behind the protest gathering - the govt’s lack of any action or emotion. Or tried to talk the crowds into peace. Instead they were treated like mobsters with tear gas and water cannons used on them. This is a blatant example of - if you have it, flaunt it. Power, in this case. It’s very brave of Delhiiites stand up in cold weather conditions and I am sure everyone having to work for a living! (unlike our ministers who seem to make a living just by being in power!)

Another thing that strikes me is that a lot of famous personalities are seen at award functions, polo events, charity functions. But none think it important to lend their voice and support to such a cause. Would the police treat the crowd as badly if the protestors included top Bollywood actors and actresses, top cricketers and sportspeople, veteran industrialists? But, again, none think it worth their time to put their weight behind the common man’s movement. This would definitely boost our chances of affecting the minds of our obtuse politicians. And gradually, maybe, some change in the law as well. But i guess most of these people are busy preparing for Page 3 worthy new year parties.

Also, ever since the news of the gangrape has been out, the newspapers are full of more such incidents. Every single page highlights other incidents of crime against women. i wonder if they think that this will add fodder to the ongoing debate or galvanise the nation/politicians into action. Who knows? Every news channel has debates on whether rapists should be awarded death penalty. i have always been irritated by mindless discussions on the idiot box, as has been the recent trend on TV in an attempt to fill in 24/7 slots of news channels. Yes, we are a democratic country and we have the right to speech. But to what purpose?

If we all agree that rapists should be given death penalty, will the law change? We all know about the queue of people waiting to get their death penalties. What’s the use lining up a few rapists in the queue! The biggest non-deterrent at the moment is knowing that a rapist can get away with the crime. One in a million cases catch the attention of the media and probably the culprits are thrown in jail. But I am sure all this will be forgotten very soon and it’ll be years before the culprits are presented in court and maybe punished. So i think death penalty or no, there has to be something that acts as a strong deterrent. The fear of a law executed under any circumstance that will make any wannabe rapist think twice before attempting to be one. Something like pulling off arms of thieves. Nothing less would do.

Apart from the law, it’s the society that needs changing. But i guess it’s easier to lecture about teaching young boys to respect girls around them in a society where in a majority of lower classes, men have all the privileges and given the first right over women in the family/community. It has to to with the whole mindset that believes a woman is born to be a mother, sister, daughter and her duty is to selflessly take care of everyone. Even women do not expect to be respected in return.

Another thing, i feel, that has a very big impact is the societal attitude towards sex. Despite Bollywood and internet bringing it all out in the open, there is a lot of secrecy especially in the class of society from there the Ram singhs emerge. Come on, it’s common knowledge that even our respected ministers have their share of fun at work on their phones! But seriously, like all else, even this attitude will take a long time to change. Maybe the urban societies are more open and experimental. Though there are still a lot of repressed men out there waiting for a defenseless body to dump their frustrations on!

The simple fact that we expect people to wait till they are married to lose their virginity says a lot about our attitude. Added to that is society’s unwillingness to discuss the issues of safe and responsible sex with adolescents, in particular. i am sure a lot of sexual frustration emanates from there. We’ll need to be making talking about intimacy a healthy discussion, away from the prurience and fantasy, mostly depicted in the media and elsewhere.

Forget access to hi-tech devices and internet connectivity, every ad on television commodifies woman. i strongly feel that this greatly reflects the society’s attitude towards a particular gender. Some ads explicitly depict making yourself sexually appealing to the other gender through the use of the advertised products. God help the urban youth which is even more exposed with 24/7 connectivity to the internet.

Lastly, one thing for sure is that soon all this will be forgotten. Like we forgot the rape and  murder of a call center employee in Bangalore. The rape in Dhaula Kuan. The rape in a suburban train in Mumbai. The rape of a dalit in a village. Till the next time another girl is put through unspeakable physical and emotional violence, yet again.

In the quite moments of the day, my mind goes back to the body lying in a hospital. There is a void in her abdomen. Her intestines gone forever. She has struggled to stay alive for days. The life of her family will never be the same again. The national consciousness, that has awakened for a while now, will soon go back into slumber as probably she will lose her battle with life!

8 feel good things that are free of cost

With a deluge of ipods, ipads, smartphones, information centers, the idiot box, social networking sites and the race to make money that’ll last a lifetime, we forget that the world’s best things are absolutely free. We don’t need to earn a zillion bucks and be able to afford every distracting thing technology made to keep ourselves happy! Simple things around us can be put to use to meet our end - be it physical or mental well-being! i realized that i don’t use even some of the basic ones to make myself, and others around me, happy!

Here’s my list -

1. Smile: Sounds stupid. But i realised that i used to see the same people come to my gym. i recognized their faces but they never smiled and i too didn’t attempt it. That set me thinking. i am sure it’s ok to smile at people who you see more often than strangers on the street. One, a smile definitely makes one feel good. (Try it! Remember to smile often and you will see your mood drastically improve every time you do! And what more - a happy mind keeps you looking young!!) Two, who knows i might have struck conversations and made friends, all beginning with a smile!

2. Talk to people: The next thing i noticed is that i did smile at a few familiar faces but stopped at that. i thought man, and woman, is a social animal. i guess there should be no harm in exchanging a couple of sentences. Think of people you’ve been bumping into at your office escalators and train stations for months but never had a word. Go ahead and talk to them. It’s free!

3. Get out in the morning: One of the best mood boosting activities is to get out for a walk in the morning before the traffic builds up. Could be just outside your house or a park nearby. i always thought it impossible to step out of my street without having to combat a million vehicles honking away to glory! But when i stepped out, for various reasons, anytime before 7am - i was surprised at how tame and friendly outdoors appeared! And it definitely made me feel happy and nice about getting my share of fresh air. i also realised that it is for no reason that our ancestors insisted we should rise early. Because somehow being up early generally lifts the mood and makes you active.

4. Sing or move to music: Again, sounds stupid! But play your favourite song and move your body. If someone like me with 2 left feet suggests this, i am sure it’ll make dancers feel that much better. It doesn’t matter how you look because no one’s watching you in your room (or say, the kitchen while cooking). Imagine that you are Michael Jackson or Govinda. It’ll only make a difference to your happiness and feel good levels! Also, singing along the crazy lyrics or humming along the soulful ones also help! So what if we aren’t exactly Sonu Nigam! In our own world, we are!

5. Take the stairs: Well, this little freebie is to keep us fit. Take the stairs wherever possible. i had my heart rate up about 4 times just changing trains in Delhi Metro by doing this! i know this is nothing like a full fledged workout and a lot of times we are in a hurry or too lazy to do it. And many times our mind argues against it by convincing us that it wouldn’t make too much of a difference. i am sure it does make a difference to our body than not taking stairs at all!

6. Read a book: Maybe you already do. On a regular basis. If you don’t have the time to, make deliberate effort to set out a slot to read an engaging book, depending on your interests. i am sure you spent money on a lot of books hoping to read them someday! There’s nothing like losing oneself in the world of characters to forget a long days woes.

7. Talk to your neighbour: Log out of Facebook and get real. Walk up to your neighbour’s and make a sincere effort at getting to know them (if you don’t already, that it). You can pick a different one in your building every week, you may already know them but it must have been ages since you went down to the old aunty and said Hi. To you it might be just a visit, but to someone else it might be someone’s precious time!

8. Call a friend: Once again get off the internet and speak to a real person. You might have a zillion friends online but when was the last time you actually made an attempt to speak to one of them in real time? This isn’t exactly free because of call charges but i am sure it can be easily accommodated by cutting down several useless messages we send each day. Even better is to try and find an old friend on one of your networking sites and  get in touch. It’s surprising how we start off with school friends from where we left off no holds barred! i have found myself smiling for days after finding school friends and talking to them thinking of childhood memories and days spent with them.

i have tried out a few of these and intend to try out a few others. You may go ahead with some and see if it makes a difference to your worldview! Please share here if it did!

English Vinglish

No, this is not a movie review. It's too late for that. This is about the lessons that stay with you (esp if you are a woman and they should even if you are a man!) long after you have watched the movie.

1. It is ok to not have a particular skill even if the rest of the world thinks that it is crucial.

2. Any skill is worth being respected, even if it is cooking, which is generally perceived as a mundane household chore.

3. Any age is good enough to learn a new skill. There is nothing to be ashamed of the attempt.

4. Respect for life partners in a marriage should be independent of what one's good at or weak in.

5. And finally, any woman who isn't "working" but is "just" a "housewife"  is worthy of equal respect for the simple reason that she is the only person who puts others' comfort ahead of her own. (WE all would notice if we stopped for a moment and took notice)

This might look like just another one of those oh-women-are-so-great-and-should-be-respected post. But I can imagine people who have watched the movie nodding in agreement with what I have said here. And people who haven't yet should get a DVD, when it is out to understand what I have said. It is never too late to look at things differently!