When Adam in Parenthood has a problem with his 15 yo daughter Haddie buying and sporting a sexy bra, there is a confrontation about it. He thinks she isn't old enough to wear something like that for her boyfriend. His position isn't made any stronger by the fact that he is encouraging his own nephew - in fact drives him to a dance to help him woo a girl is likes. When Haddie brings this double standard up - that she cannot hang out with her boyfriend whereas Adam took he nephew Drew to hang out with another girl, he accepts that it's a double standard but then thats how the world works
That's how the world works. Unfortunately no matter how liberated the world is, we still cannot tell our daughters that it's a level playing field. What a woman wears will always be a topic of discussion. Is the neck too deep? Is the hemline too high? Is a dress dressy? Is jeans too informal?
I was reading a couple of articles on Medium where women have taken up exactly this topic - the double standards that extends only to women whereas no one bats an eye lid at what men wear. One of the authors talks about how she is always picked up on by of her family holiday for wearing jeans in summer - and not something more comfortable like shorts or a dress. The author prefers jeans so that is comfortable for her. Yet, her cousins and aunts comment on her clothing every year, even though her father, son and uncles are also at the same brunch table enjoying their pants and khakhis.
The same author also shares an instance when she was asked to wear the company uniform of red T shirt with khakhis because all the boys were donning the same and she was the only woman in the group. While she refused point blank to wear it because neither did khakhis suit her figure nor did she feel comfortable presenting in them as a VP of the company. If women are made to wear men's clothes for uniformity, how about using something where men feel a little weird and women feel all the comfort? Unless women fight for them norm, that's yet to be seen how men take it!
Women's looks are rife with bias and judgement. Yet another example that comes to mind is the way grey roots are perceived differently in men and women. As if it isn't enough that women start becoming invisible as they age - research backed - letting their hair grey adds to their irrelevance. While men are said to be distinguished because of their salt and pepper looks, women are flung farther down in the social order because of that. That's because looks are central to how women are perceived and how women perceive themselves. Looking attractive and put together is key to their standing in social/professional company. So greying just goes against them. It is one of the important things that needs putting together to maintain that standing.
That's when it struck me - the very root of language is seeped into bias. A woman was burnt for being a witch whereas a wizard is a synonym for a master.
Double standards are not just about clothes women wear (or looks) and are judged for it. A few years ago, I came up with a public speaking program and decided to call it The Speaking Wizard. The idea was to make someone taking up the course a master in public speaking. Isn't that what a "wiz" stands for? I ran this name by a few friends and one of them said that it sounded a bit sexist. This had not occurred to me at all. But yeah, wizard was the male version of a master in, ironically, witchcraft. I wouldn't call a program meant for women- The Speaking Witch! That would give it a whole new connotation.
Another very similar thing that happens is for the words stud and slut. Seemingly innocuous 4-letter words that have absolutely opposite meanings just because they belong to opposite genders. A Stud is lauded for his powers and is a positive role model for a wimp. Whereas a woman is a slut even she is just as much as deemed to be sleeping with multiple people. The truth doesn't matter at all.
I am sure if I were to google to find more articles on such bias, there will be plenty. I don't have a problem with the meanings of words. But the way they affect the lives of real women in the real world - even in the 21st century. It's not easy to tell ourselves that the world is truly liberated and so women and men will be held to the same standards. Unfortunately, no. Research shows that the more gendered a language is, the more the inequality in that geographical location. No matter how much we talk about gender inclusiveness, the bias goes deep and is unconscious a lot of times. In languages that use gendered terms, it is hard to leave the gender out. And so that will be a part of every conversation, specifying one gender or the other.
And for the most part, languages always lean towards male-heavy. "He" is a general term used in English even though the author might say that he/she means it as a neutral term to make it easier to write and for the reader to understand. So how is language inclusive despite the caveat?! We are a long way off from gender neutrality in the true sense of the word. And this disparity will continue to manifest itself in our every day life. Research says that it'll take 132 years for the world become truly equal. Can we start taking baby steps towards it through more inclusive language? Not use the male or the female meaning words when we don't have to. Here are a few tips just to do just that.
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