Thoughts on The Idea Of You by Robinne Lee

*Might have spoilers ahead*

While reading the Idea of You by Robinne Lee a second time recently, I had pretty much the same thoughts as I had the first time. 

First, why is the book so long? 

Anything longer than 200 pages is too long, if you ask me. Especially since the very first chapter establishes the premise - Hayes Campbell, the 20-year old singer of a boy band, is too young for Solène Marchand. Should they be together? 

Second, once that premise is set, why does she continues to fly down to different countries to see him? Where is this story going? To their inevitable breakup? Or to their union, hence making history - an older woman can indeed bag a younger man?! 

While the first read - like most first reads - was about discovering the story - the second time really helped me dig deeper into the emotions and ask some important questions about the choices that Solène faces about her relationship with Hayes. 

Also, I first read the book and then watched the movie but what I feel about the book has nothing to do with the film. I am going to stick to just the book here. 

The big question I am trying to answer here is - why can't it work between the 2 of them? 

Let’s start with Hayes! He is portrayed as a very mature character. He treats Solène with respect. Never sleeps around while he is with her. Never flirts with anyone, which is commendable restraint for a kid of his age and privilege. His commitment to her belies his age. He could have his pick of nubile teenage girls but he waits for her to fly down whenever she could to be with him.

And he is only 20! This is an important premise of the book. 

Now, coming to Solène! The biggest problem that leaps at us is the age difference! She’s 40! 

Is it her age?

But a woman’s instinct is never better than when she hits 40 and onwards! She can clearly tell the difference between - actually feel it - jerks like Oliver and Hayes. 

Is it his age? 

Is he too young for her? Is it that she has seen marriage and motherhood and a whole life before she met him? And that she’s too old to experience all that when it’s his turn? Women have a best by date because of their reproductive system. Is that it?

But then her husband is doing the exact same thing with a younger woman. Starting again, getting married, having a baby - a whole second innings! Then why is it so wrong for Solène to be with another younger person and have a second round?

Is it that she is a mother? 

A major part of the internet hatred is directed towards her as a mother. And mothers can’t be just women, apparently, let alone, sexual objects! They can’t have a life! As a woman Solène is divorced, hence single, employed, raising her daughter and can see anyone she wants. 

What if she wasn’t a mother? What if she was a single 39 yo woman who was never married and had been living a single carefree life? Would it be different then? Does she not have the right to be a mother just because she is a mother?

Which brings me to my next question…

Is it that he’s famous? 

Is Solene’s personal life splashed on the internet because she is dating a boy band sensation? It’s hard on her daughter because the whole school knows that her mother is sleeping with the guy her friends have a crush on. But then is she the first one to be dating a famous person? Don’t celebrities have second wives with children and girlfriends? Do they have to give up love because paparazzi wouldn’t leave them alone? Or are their 12yos scarred for life? 

Is it the nature of their jobs? 

Okay let’s look at practicalities, maybe! Hayes will be touring for years to come! And Solene is tethered to her kid and her gallery. They may not have the conventional domestic bliss where he drops Izzy off the soccer practice every day and picks her up but husbands have had travelling jobs before! And this is 2024 and women can manage households on their own, I guess! 

Is 40yo that old? 

I am 45! Is being 40 that old? Let’s shift that lens to being a 20yo. Of course Hayes doesn’t know better. He is a 20yo who’s in love with this gorgeous old woman who is intelligent and not silly like the coat racks of models he meets every day. Given the way Hayes is portrayed it seems like he knows what he wants. But like Solène says - what about 5 years, 10 years down the line…

Which brings me to my next question….

Whose responsibility is it to worry about the future? 

Is it Solène's burden to bear the guilt for being happy and give it all up? To worry about the regret Hayes might feel a decade later and resent her for it? Maybe he will, maybe he won’t? But why is that her decision to make in the present? If anything, given her experience, she could sit down Hayes and bring clarity into their 5-year plans! Her kid is sure to go to college in 5 years! All parents look forward to restarting their own lives in their later years and Solène isn’t going to be a 60 something chick, thankfully, when that happens! The picture isn’t as bleak at it seems! 

The final question to ask is - is it just sex? And is that enough? 

One thing that keeps coming up is how their physical chemistry is explosive. But then it is also clear that Hayes is committed to her - he quits the band to come to her. So are they really in for the long haul?! I think seriously having a chat about the future can make this work. 

If 2 people are committed, the world can take a hike. The dilemma Solène is in has a lot to do with the conditioning of self-effacement that women are taught. And the world can’t see a woman happy. A man doing the same thing is his privilege but turn the tables and the world will find a million reasons why it’s bad! 

While the story is so relevant to the times, I really wish the end in the book had really stuck to keeping with the times. I don’t like when the movies don’t stick to the book. But in this case, I like that they move ahead a few years and Hayes still comes back for Solène. When a grown up Hayes still wants Solène, the burden of making a decision for him is not hers. She let him and he came back. That’s a good one. I wish the book had given Solène that agency to decide for herself and her relationship as a modern woman of the 21st century. 

Have you read the book? What did you think?