7 Common Things That Have Gone Obsolete In Today's Times

I wrote about the advancement of technology that has transformed our every day life. But with the coming of the new, the old stuff has also phased out. New apps and new technology has taken the place of the old that we were used to. Even our habits and the way we think has changed. 

Today, let's look at a few things that have become obsolete. Since I started with Google yesterday, lets start with that:

1. Paper maps

With google map being at the tip of our hands, there are no paper maps anymore. In fact, without the app pointing the right direction to go in, I wouldn't even know how to use a physical map. How do I figure out where I am and which way do I need to go in. The live power of google maps has outdated physical maps. One doesn't need one in a new city. You carry your map with you in your own phone - to any city in the world. 

2. Landlines

Phones attached to the wall should seem so odd to entire generations that were born in this century. You had to leave your phones at home when you go out? Well! that was the reality. In fact I have also seen a time when there was no landline at home at all. There was no way to talk to friends or give them information of any kind in between school days. I remember not getting info about sudden holidays that the school had declared. 

This is a huge difference from the present time when we literally have Whatsapp groups that we are a part of everyday and every single piece of information is broadcast and accessed on a minute to minute basis. There are not just messages and information, but you can ask questions, initiate discussions. We live in a world of hyper connectivity. We aren't connected only a a time that we need information. But we are inundated by information at all hours of the day! 

It's a far away cry from a time when landline was the only option, our calls monitored based on the monthly bill that arrived. 

3. Bank visits

Internet banking is the blessing that has made visiting the bank obsolete. You can do most of your functions from the site online. There is really no need to visit the bank for all the basic things we need from our account. 

There was a time when going to the bank personally was the only way to get anything done. However, I still make physical visits to a particular national bank. But that can be solves if I make the effort to activate internet banking for that account. But personal visits to the bank are largely not required in today's times. And thank God for that! 

4. Dictionary

Although I have a dictionary and 2 different thesaurus, I don't remember the last time I looked up a word in them. They are so big, fat and heavy that it'd be a chore to use them now. Whenever there is a need to look up a word, one just reaches for the very convenient google search at the end of our thumbs on our phones. Like I mentioned yesterday, Google is the blessing that has answers to every thing - even words and meanings that we do not know of. Usages, synonyms, antonyms - you got it! 

Online dictionary is such an easy way to build one's language as opposed to hauling the big fat thing in olden days because that is the only thing that could give you meanings of words. 

How convenient and fun! 

5. Film and even digital Cameras 

This one is ironic because one form of it is obsolete but another is so ubiquitous that whole generations cannot live without it. Cameras used to be a big innovation at one point. The ability to capture moments for posterity? Bring it on. It used to be such a special thing. We were willing to wait for days so that the film on the camera could be developed just for the happiness of seeing the moments captures on our cameras.

There used to be photo studios for families like ours that did not own a camera. We could go there and get special moments captured. The families that owned a camera were definitely more sophisticated that the ones that did not have one. 

Thanks to cell phones, every one with a phone has a camera -  which is actually pretty much every one. It wouldn't be wrong to say that the camera on a phone is one of the innovations that transformed so many aspects of our culture. Platforms like Instagram exist solely for the photos that our cameras take as we go through life. Everything is "instagrammable", every thing needs to be documented. And thats a whole social, cultural phenomenon that has transformed the way we perceive life around us. 

6. CDs

This is something that became obsolete as I was using them. I actually had a CD slot in my laptop till recently. I thought CDs were a great way to store things that I do not wish to lose. But apparently not. CDs go bad and then obsolete, apparently. I am glad that I did not store all my old photos on them or where would I play it now when my laptop has no CD player at all. 

If floppy disks seem old generation, so are CDs now. Needless to mention, so are discman devices (Remember there used to be a walkman for cassette players? What's a cassette you ask? Never mind darling! That's alright!)

7. Phone books 

Yeah! Physical books that one had to manually write every one's contact details in - and addresses. Because snail mail was the only way to send physical information like invitations and letters to people. That was cheaper and the only means to fit in more information than an expensive phone call. There were alphabetised pages so it wasn't a total mayhem in there. One could easily locate contacts by the first alphabet of the person you are looking for. 

There are a few still lying around in my house. I don't have any though. I guess I had a cell phone fairly early - late by today's standards - but a few years into have a job was early enough for me. So all the contacts went into the cell phone and then was transferred cell to cell.

What are some other things that come to your mind? 

7 Technical Innovations We Cannot Live Without

The advancement in technology has been so rapid in the last decade of so that adult life seems impossible without so many things. I am a millennial from the landline era, for crying out loud. But still I cannot think of life without a few technological innovations. They are not so new, yet life unimaginable without them. Now, I wonder how did I even live my life without these virtual contraptions. 

1. Google maps

Life before Google maps was not knowing the route to the airport despite having gone there so frequently. A new city and my GPS challenged mind ensured that I hardly had any idea how to get to the airport. If the taxi guy did not know, I was as good as screwed. I only vaguely knew the turns. 

But now, the first thing that comes to mind is Google maps. the first thing I do now when I come across something new is to look it up on Google maps. The traffic, the route, the distance can be mapped in a matter of seconds. How did I even travel without availability of my co-ordinates at the tip of my fingers!!

2. Google Search

I have lost count of the number of times in a day, yeah! a day, I open google to look up something. This is a magical genie that knows about every thing. There is no information that is not at the tip of my fingers. All questions can be answered and doubts cleared using this one service. Books, places, people, restaurants are my most common searches - in that order. And it never disappoints! 

If I had this during my college, studying would have been so much easier. All the info right there to be read and saved, No endless photocopying and saving all that physical material to study for the exams. What a revolution! Although my college time missed this innovation, the rest of my life is not too late to Google about. Another thing I cannot imagine my life without. 

3. Taxi services

Standing in the rain for hours trying to get an auto is my memory before Olas and Ubers became an ubiquitous part of our lives. In fact, when I was training for a leading bank, travel was my biggest challenge. It seems anachronistic to say this was a time when Ola and Uber were not invented. 

And now, I know that long distance travel can be comfortably done in a cab using Google maps so I stick to the right route! What a luxury. At least the availability of this option assures that I never will have to struggle for a ride. Except when one needs a cab to the airport and is short of time!! 

4. Google Pay

This is the most recent entry into my life. I resisted this one for the longest time since I did not want to leave online trails of my bank account. And I wish I had let it stay that way so I wouldn't get duped online through my own Gpay! *Eye roll* But this is an easier way to pay online without having to use credit cards. I have come to be comfortable with this method with passing time. It's at least one of the easier ways to make payments straight from the bank account. 

5. Online grocery shopping

Gone are the days when we carried cloth bags to the vegetable market - ironically I carried one to the market just last week to buy fruits - but then this is not the only way to but vegetables and groceries. Thanks to the pandemic, online grocery shopping has become common place in every household. This is one thing that I am thankful for instead og having to lug bags into a rickshaw and lugging hem up to the house. I have hated that kind of grocery shopping forever. 

Online shopping is so much easier and convenient. I just need to click things into the cart. No stepping out or lugging things up and about. And this method of shopping has only gotten better with time. Earlier one had to wait an hour. But with multiple services promising 10-minute services, there is hardly any wait between ordering and the stuff being delivered. I think the marvel that technology is is finally here at our door steps. 

6. Zoom/video conferencing 

Another thing that the pandemic has made ubiquitous in our lives. I am always surprised to think that I do not have to step out to work. There are no geographical boundaries for my clients. 

Earlier, no one wanted to work together unless it was the same city. The idea of virtual meetings was alien and people were not open to them. But now, despite the world having opened, we pass around virtual meeting links to get our work done. Fast and effective, this is one gift of technology which has truly revolutionised the work world for good. 

For an entrepreneur like me, I can sit at home and work with anyone in the world. The sky is literally the limit while looking for clients. 

I do miss the physical interaction the int higher frequency of offline events. But real work does get dome through Zoom and equivalent platforms. And that's a great thing. 

7. AI/ChatGPT 

The power of AI is unveiling right before our eyes. I no longer need to google things and look for links that night give me the info I need. ChatGPT is the new genie that just spouts the info I need. This takes Seek and you shall find" to a whole literal level. From 200 calorie meal plan to the content for your landing page, there is no command that AI cannot carry out. Although humans will be required to write the prompts, the power of AI to do enormous amount of work for us in no time is a true testimony to what all technology can do for us. It's a new milestone in how many can manipulate the machine to do our bidding.  

Where AI will take us and where its limit is, only time can tell. But write now we can ride the power wave of this new fangled innovation at our finger tips that can do anything for us. 

What else comes to your mind when you think of technology you cannot live without? 

How to keep your new year resolutions

1st of December! Exactly a month to go for the new year. I stopped believing in resolutions years ago. And Jan seems like a precarious time to start something new. Too much at stake in terms of expectations. And we do falter no matter what. I think if i just continue with the quiet and happy life I have right now, I'll be good. 

If you are looking at doing certain things differently, here are a few tips

Make a list of things you'd like to do/change/start: Trust me! This is going to be a long list. While we are at it, we want to turn into a new leaf and then some. So many things make it to that list. don't hold back. go ahead and jot down everything that comes to mind. Carry the list around for a day or two, if you wish. 

Once you have that list, pare it down. Try really hard to choose 3 things. The most important 3 things. It could be health and fitness (the most common one), upskilling, more work life balance. Stuff that you really need to work on but it never gets done. 

Pare it further down to one. Just one. One that you'll begin the new year with. The one you'll work on for the rest of the month. As the saying goes - Well begun is half done. And you will need planning for that. 

Well! What will you do the rest of the month? Say, your goal is health and fitness - since that's the most common one. There are so many decisions to go through. Even if you already have a gym membership - figuring the way you'll work out will be no. 1, if you don't - what's the kind of fitness routine will you follow. Start with cardio and build strength into it? Do you have the resources to do that? What kind of dietary changes can you easily make? What time suits you the best? Notice your everyday routine in the light of the plan that you have made. Can you sustain the plan you have in mind? How should you tweak it to increase the success rate of your plans? 

Similarly, if you wish to learn a new skill, it's not a goal until you nail down the specifics. There are so may courses out there. Even if you have a few in mind, which one will you be doing? What part of the day will be set for your course work. What are some of the things that you can do to ensure the maximum success of your endeavour? 

Your goals may not be as big as losing weight or upskilling. Altering habits can be goals that may not require a lot of planning but they need conscious change in the way we live. 

One technique that comes to mind is habit stacking. One can benefit from this even when you set out to achieve bigger goals. You may want to be a more organised person instead of someone who spends all weekend clearing out the weekly clutter. Taking a page from Marie Kondo's book - cz the book is too impractical - learn to put things in their place as you go along. Shoes and bags, keys and receipts, jackets and books. It'll take you some will power initially until it becomes a habit. 

You may want to start making healthy choices to aid your goal of weight loss. Start by changing your shopping list. Ensure you have good choices in your fridge in order to make them. Stack soy milk instead of high sugar fruit juice. Stop buying cookies and stock fruits instead. Carry nuts and dry fruits to make healthy snacking easier. When those hunger pangs hit, you don't want to be stuck with nothing but stale sandwich from your canteen. Plan ahead. These simple things can actually help you achieve your larger goals. 

Goals are not achieved not by fluke. There is a lot of planning that happens. By deferring all the planning to the end of this month, we are setting ourselves up for failure. The good thing about this wake up call is that you will be a lot more prepared to be gun for success in your goals. 

What are some of the goals you'd like to plan for in 2025? 

Movies made on books

Movies based on books are a whole different genre. Since they are inspired from books, they should be true to the original material in terms of details and the plot. But most of the times they aren't. Harry Potter series is the only one that comes to mind that stuck faithfully to the original. 

It took me a while to reconcile why the movies based on books are different from the original. I still don't agree with changing fundamental details of the plot (Like the ending of The Idea of You was changed in the film) but I can see why some things are changed. First of all, books and movies are two different genres and are perceived differently. The story, while great in essence and idea, may not translate exactly on screen to be entertaining. We expect different things from a book and a movie. We are in different frames of mind when we consume each form of media. And I think that is one of the main reasons why books cannot be translated exactly on screen. 

Also, books are better for story and character development because they are not restricted in scope, mostly. While all books are not War and Peace length books, most have the freedom to be long enough to sufficiently go into the background of the story. To paint a picture and describe feelings. To take us on an imaginary joyride with as many pages as it takes to do that. Movies have time limit and hence it's hard for them to be as rich and detailed as books. Plus, like I said, movies don't have the luxury to spend time backgrounds etc. The makers have to be clever about which parts of the story to take while keeping the audience interested and how to cleverly introduce parts of the book so that we know what motivates the characters to do what they do. 

I am not sure about this but another reason why books don't convert loyally to movies could be copyright issues. Most books are said to be based on or inspired from to relinquish any claim of copying some author's work. Like when they change dialogues or how the scene goes on screen compared to the book. I don't know if that's creative liberty or the fact that they don't want authors claiming that their work was copied. 

The parts of the story are chosen based on what might become an interesting film worth watching. For instance, Red, White And Royal Blue, as a book is quite long. It. has a whole romantic track and whole political track. The book on screen would be double the duration that it is now. Maybe longer. However, in the interest of keeping it more interesting, the makers have picked up the romantic track and left out most of the political part of the book. The story of 2 men in love - that too 2 powerful men who are famous across the world - is a great plot for a movie. While the book has a lot of additional characters to build a wholesome fictional world, the movie does not have that scope and liberty. 

My biggest gripe is when they change the story beyond recognition - for example Confessions of a Shopaholic. Had this been even remotely faithful to the book, I'd watch it over and over again. And this franchise of movies could have the potential of becoming classic movies that brought in the moolah too. But the first one is so badly made that I am glad and not surprised that no one made more movies in the shopaholic series. The makers should be sued for even suing the same title. 

The reason why I thought of this topic is because I watched the film, It ends with us, today. I wrote the book review a few days ago. While the book is great and has all the time to follow the train of thought of a victim of domestic abuse, the movie is slow and not as impactful. If someone hasn't read they book, they may have a hard time connecting some dots. 

In fact it probably has about 40% of the original material. The pace is slow and the depth of the book is missing. There is whole build up the abuse and the separation in the book. there are solid reasons why she chooses to ask for a divorce. even though the pace is slow, not enough time is spent in the film on that build up. Atlas is introduced too soon. The book has fantastic one liners about how relationships change in seconds. The movie is missing that connect. 

When there is a book and a movie, I choose to read the book first. And since I understand that the 2 genres are different and that's why I can digest the ending of The Idea of You. While the book ends with Hayes and Selene breaking up, the movies goes 5 years forward and reunites them. They have also changed the age of the characters to better translate it on screen. 

There are also times when I came across the movie/series before I read the book or knew it was based on a book. I have realised that going back to read the book doesn't really work. I tried to so that for The Devil Wears Prada and Chesapeake Shores. the parts of the book that are not in the movie seems jarring. It feels like the book isn't doing justice to the film although it is not supposed to. But the human mind is an interesting thing. We can't un-see/unread what we already know and that becomes the primary material in the mind. 

What do you prefer to do - read a book or just watch the movie instead? How do you reconcile the changes that happen when one is translated into the other? Do you have any favourites?

The Guilt Of Working Women

I was watching The Morning Show starring Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon along with Steve Carell and others. I heard about this show during Emmy awards and always wanted to check it out. Things get heavy right from the start when the co-host of The Morning Show - the show on the show - is fired for being a sexual predator. Battle lines are drawn around Me too and it's got the works. 

One of the co-anchors is Jennifer Aniston - Alex Levy on the show - and there's a whole lot of politics around her personal life too. As a career- woman who is up at 3.30 to make it to the show on time after hair and make-up, she has had to make personal sacrifices. What stood out for me - and made me write this post - is the way she is blamed for her divorce, for putting her career first and how is America going to take it. Worse, her daughter also blames her for the state of her marriage. Her PR manager tell her that it is not a good time to get divorced since it could be related to the firing of her co-anchor. She won't be looked at favourably for getting divorced. 

I just love the scene where Alex goes to make up with her daughter and loses it. There is so much of truth is what she says. A woman has to work really hard to get to where she is. She deserves the success and the happiness that comes with it. But as a mother, she has also given her all to her daughter. She has played both roles as well as she could and yet blamed for it all. She tell her daughter that she might be progressive but she is still judging her mom for having a career. When she goes out to build one for herself, she'll realise how hard things are. 

This got me thinking. Another such scenario that comes to mind is The Devil Wears Prada. Miranda is super successful while her marital affairs are not that ship shape. And she finds herself in tears in the middle of a fashion convention because the press will blame her for the divorce - and her daughters don't deserve it. That's the price she has to pay for being a successful career woman, to be passionate about her job and pursue excellence in what she does. 

The Devil Wears Prada was made in 2006. The Morning Show, in 2019. But I don't think things changed much for women. They are still the victims of societal prejudice for being successful, for daring to have a life other than running households. It's okay of she's busy from dawn to dusk doing stuff for everyone in the family but god forbid she dares to have a life outside!  

What's worse is when the same aforementioned family judges her for working doubly hard to raise children and make something of her life. I really felt for Alex when her teenage daughter put the whole blame on the mother. It is easy to judge as a bystander not realising the pressure on goes through in the male dominated media industry. And that's why I thought Alex's response was very fitting. There is a limit to mollycoddling because they are getting a divorce. Also, it's hard for a teenage to understand what goes on in a marriage. And 2 people are responsible for the success and failure of it. Blaming just the more popular and successful spouse, especially if she is a woman, is so wrong. 

I think it's not just about famous women. It's also about all women. Everyone is expected to put family first, as a woman. When the husband travels, that's his job. He needs to do it to run the house. That's his identity. No judgement. My husband travelled like crazy for 15 years of our marriage. That was okay with everyone. No questions asked. But if I stepped out for a meeting and something was needed at home, I wasn't putting my duties first. I am so glad that my husband was never one of the people who judged and that's why it works for us. We are equal in this relationship and both have our own jobs and interests. But I have seen first hand the way women with careers/other priorities are treated. And I am sad to say that the same attitude continues into the current century. 

It doesn't help that the biological burden of having a baby falls on women. It's a burden because she needs to put her career on hold - there's no way that the maternity break doesn't affect her chances at work. And this privilege of motherhood has turned into a burden because women are penalised for it. They can't go on with their lives after the baby is born. And there is double guilt for wanting and having a career- working really hard to make things work and still be discredited as a woman and a mother. 

Research shows that it'll take another 140 years for women to have same place of power and leadership at work as men. That's a long time - a few generations down the line. that too if more pandemics and Trump-as-president does not derail this progress. It's going to take even longer in that case (The world is already set back by 4 more years with Trump coming to power and God knows how many more years to undo the damage that he'll leave behind)

Let's just hope that the progress - even if it is slow- continues in towards equality. It's more about fighting the prejudices and expectations that people have towards and from women. We need to change our mindset one person at a time. Women have proven themselves to be equal partners in and outside home. We just need the world to acknowledge that and give us what's due to us. Even if it's not in our lifetime, hopefully in our grandchildren's lifetime! 

Reading update for 2024

I have read 52 books so far this year. Which seems like a lot but it's okay I guess. I was on a sabbatical so the rate of reading should have been faster. But brain fog screwed everything up. There were times when I could not make sense of the words on a page. Nothing to worry but non fiction has been a challenging genre to read this year. I have had even 2 sittings to finish one chapter. Whatever work because I ain't giving up reading. That's a part of my identity - I am a reader. (I am not so much interested in any other format of content consumption!)

I am currently reading 3 books in fiction, alternating between each. So it's slow but steady. So no complaints. 

Looking at the best books of the year so far: 

The idea of you by Robinne Lee (Fiction): I read this book twice this year. Once because I always read the book before watching the film. And again, a few months later, because I liked it. I also wrote a blog post wondering why Selene and Hayes couldn't be together after all! 

Eye Liner by Zahra Hankit (non fiction): A fascinating journey into the history of - you guessed it - the eye liner. From the South Indian dance form, Kathakali which uses eye make up to define the kind of character someone is to some African tribes where men use kohl and liner to appear attractive to their future mates. To the modern glamour brands that have repackaged this ancient tool of beauty to make it a part of every woman's kit (also used in queer circles by men)

Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez (non fiction): As the title suggests, the book is about women being invisible in every major study, product testing, drug trials because the world is male and everything that happens has a male bias to it. It was so depressing to read it beyind a point that I am yet to finish the last part. Depsite how far we seem to have come, women are missing from studies as recent as 2016. There is no data collected about them hence there is no way to make life better for them! 

Grit by Angela Duckworth (Non-fiction): This was the most eye- opening book of the year. While there are tons of books on emotions, intelligence and habits, grit is rarely spoken about. The book gives us an insight into what grit is and how and why it is so important for success in life. Even this is probably the only pioneering book on the topic, research is still on. Grit is the ability to stick to something for a really long time without giving up. That needs a lot of strength and consistency. Teaching children grit is especially challenging. Take the grit quiz and see where you on the grit scale. 

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt (Fiction): I read this as part of my read-a-fat-book-a-month project. (I gave up after 2 months since it was getting too much to handle) It's not page turner, as most award winning books tend to be. It's about a painting called The Goldfinch and the impact it has on the protagonist's life. I'm still not sure why the painting was with him all his life but then I guess the award was given to the book for creating this rich tapestry of life in it's era, spanning the time of the protagonist's life. 

Paradox of choice by Barry Schwartz (Non fiction): I finally read it this year after having it on my list for years. The paradox is simply that the more choice you have the harder it becomes for us to choose. The book feels slow after a point because it covers choice in such a wide variety of areas and fields. With the brain fog, it was a challenge to keep through the chapters. 

Mindset by Carol Dweck: Another path breaking and pioneering book in its field - and on my list for a long time. This book simply is about the fixed and growth mindset and covers its impact on various fields and aspects of our life. This one is as detailed on the topic as choice one is on its. But it was fascinating to read how growth mindset - the belief that working hard on something can help you get better as opposed to the belief that we are born with fixed capabilities - leads to success in the ling term.

Right now I am back on the CoHo horse with It Ends With Us and it's sequel. I am also back on the Taylor Jenkins ride after Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo last year. 

Did not finish

This year also saw unprecedented number of DNFs. Maybe with growing age I do not believe in sticking to a book that I positively don't like. And I don't mind abandoning it mid way. Some of the books include Sylvia Plath's only novel, The Bell Jar (too bleak with mental health triggers), Confessions of a 40-something F*** up by Alexandra Potter (too cliche), The Dead Romantics by Ashley Poston (too slow), How to argue with a cat by Jay Heinrichs (made no sense to have a cat in it!) There is still hope that I might go back and finish some of them but they are DNFs for this year. 

Fan fiction 

This is a new genre that I discovered this year. When I heard about fanfics the first time after the Fifty shades popularity, I was like why would I want to read what the readers have written. But as with YR that made me try different things to stay connected to the series, fanfics was another thing that I tried. And boy! Was I surprised and still am! Initially I wondered how one could imagine the characters in non canon AUs and still have it credible. But...but the ones I have read have been so well written that I am surprised none of these are published writers! I have read book length fanfics and promptly added them to my books list. What counts as reading is an evolving concept and anything book length - like ebooks or audio books (or fanfics) - has to count as a book. For now, I can't have enough of the genre. They are well written, easy to read and my brain fog addled mind loves reading them just to have something to read! 

There are 2 more months to go and let's see how that pans out. I've already mentioned a few books that are lined up. Maybe I'll be back with a year end update with my most favourite fic and non-fic books. 

What I Learnt From Writing Everyday

What I learnt from writing 21984 words in a month. Correction: Tried to write everyday. 

First of all, why did I want to write - and specifically a thousand words? I have always missed my blogging days when I wrote on everything under the sun. But when I jumped full time into work blogging in 2014, writing for personal reasons took a back seat. And got totally phased out from 2018 when all my content became about work. I really missed blogging/writing about life, for life and not just work. Writing for myself in my words and not dumb it down for the online reading habits of the readers. I don't care if anyone reads it or not. Just the joy if writing it is enough. 

Plus don't they say, if you want to get better at something, you need to work on it. This is my way of working on my craft of writing. I may feel like my writing is crap at the beginning but I am sure it'll get better and more comfortable as I write. Like I couldn't even do a sit up at some point, but sticking through the bad times gets me complete a whole 10 min ab routine now. I am hoping the same results for my writing. I want to be able to write well professionally and not just work related swill that I am forced to write most of the times. I have other things to talk about too. 

I chose to write 1000 words because 500 seemed too less and what's a goal unless it's challenging! And I think 1000 words turned out to be perfect because that gives enough room to properly deal with a topic. 500 would be too less. So I am glad I chose the more challenging number to motivate myself to get back to writing. 

Discipline

One of the hardest things to develop is the discipline of writing every day. I thought I'll begin my day at 12, getting on my work desk and hacking out the writing for the day. But since my sabbatical, I haven't had the discipline to get to work and open my laptop. So that hasn't happened. In fact, I remember it only after I have worked out for the day and it becomes the last activity before dinner. 

It works because I have that free spot between my workout and serving dinner. Although there is just enough time to hack out 1000 words. Which is good because it leaves no scope for distractions. So the moral is, like working out, I need to set a time for writing and make it sacrosanct. When something needs to get done on a daily basis, the best thing is to put a reminder for the same time and get it done to ensure it doesn't skip my mind like it did most days (and that's why it got done in the last available slot of the day) 

Ideas

The only thing harder than getting into the discipline of writing every day is the problem of ideas - what to write. I did start making a list of ideas when I thought os starting this challenge, but there weren't many to begin with. Another way to come up with ideas is to read a lot - apart from books, I haven't been great at eclectic reading - another thing that I am trying to change. By reading articles on Medium and learning to go down the rabbit hole on the platform. 

I’d pull something out of my every day life (or see the list of ideas I jotted) and it worked most of the times. Sometimes I hit a 1000 words without even trying, other days I couldn't go beyond 900+ something. But that's okay. The idea was to write quality and not just add words with no meaning just to reach the word limit. 

The tally

I managed 21/31 days and 10 days seems like a lot to miss on a daily challenge. But I don’t know if this is good or bad because I’m not competing or comparing myself with any others. I wanted this to be a fun journey so I didn’t force myself on the days I skipped for lack of ideas. But the days I forgot can be planned better since that just shows that writing has still not become a part of my daily routine. But then it's a new month and yet another opportunity to do things better. 

The experience 

It's been lovely to write about stuff that's not work related. The freedom I felt in my writing when I started the sabbatical is back. I have thoughts and ideas apart from just work. And that's exactly why I wanted to express through this project. It was great to reach the word limit most of the times, without much effort. I didn’t even know I had so many things to say on the topic. At other times, I couldn't hit 1000 and I knew I wouldn't. But it was great to be able to talk about myriad topics. To use words that describe life and perspectives around it. Talk about my identity and the evolution of it. 

It feels like how I described it it to someone - like my heart hardened by number and sales projections had melted with creativity, relearning the language of a non-entrepreneur. 

While it is still an uphill task to come up with topics and hack out 1000 words every day, I am sure sticking to it till it becomes a habit and the habit becomes second nature will make ie easier. The complementary habit that I need to develop is to read regularly. That's a great way to come up with ideas to write on. One step at a time, I guess!

The goal for this month is also to start polishing some of these pieces and post them on my new account on Medium. Build a new presence there that reflects my current self. Follow me there? I'll keep you updated! 

The Art Of Acceptance

What do we want the most in life? From ourselves and from others. From society, friends and most importantly, family. Acceptance - the way we are and who we are. 

It could help to begin with self-acceptance. Do we accept who we are. As women, society tells us that we are never enough. Actually, that bias may be gender neutral. But I feel the pressure is more on women. 

Parents

As children, the first people we crave acceptance is from our parents. Studies show that even babies who are a few days/months old can make out if that have their parents' acceptance. That's how important being accepted by people who birthed us is. And ironically that's what's hard to come by in life. I am not a parent so I don't know why parents find it hard to accept the way their kids are and not judge them for who they turned out to be. This is a constant tussle even though we were obedient kids with no personal/social life whatsoever. And still acceptance was hard to come by. 

When people want to come out, the first challenge that comes to mind is what their parents will think. Will they accept their identity/sexuality. That's something that can create life-long rifts because parents are unable to accept something they did not expect their kid to be - straight. The society as a challenge comes later. 

We first want the freedom to be who we are in our own homes and that gives us the courage to face the world. If parents were to offer unconditional support, kids can have the self-esteem and the courage to soar high in whatever their dreams are. Nothing is too big and no goal to petty to go for. As people who form our personalities with their encouragement or judgement, parents can make or mar their children. Quite literally. There's a whole book by Carol Dweck, called Mindset, which talks about how the formative years are so crucial in setting our beliefs and how we feel about our capabilities. And guess what! Parents are the conduits for those beliefs. It's all up to them whether we feel out abilities are fixed or we can improve with hard work. 

So yeah! While most eastern parenting is judgemental, western parents are more liberal in letting their children be. I don't know how the acceptance rates differ although I am thinking that letting your children be would mean higher acceptance, logically. 

Siblings

Siblings are the only people who know us right from our childhood (even if not from the time we were born, in the case of older siblings) and they are likely to last as long as we do. Constant companions of a lifetime. Again, parents have a huge role to play in how they raise their children and get them to bond with the siblings. There are understanding siblings who love each other unconditionally. But a lot of times that love isn't enduring. It smacks of parental judgment. And since we grow up together with parallel lives, we need to keep up with how people change as they grow and not be influenced by who they were as kids. That's the mature way to handle things. 

As people who grow together and then go on to lead their own lives, siblings need a lot more understanding about where the others are with respect to their own lives. Appreciating that people who they grew up with can develop a different value system and outlook to life is such an important part of sibling acceptance. Unfortunately, it's hard when one isn't the recipient of that unconditional love from siblings. Even as sisters/brothers, people may not agree and accept their siblings' different ways of looking at life. 

I've been told that I am too blunt and that I should do more for people around me. And this is long after I reached my limit of caring for others. I wish I got the acceptance to live my experiences and be the person that I have become without having to think about what my own family might think about it. I think a lot of that comes from the fact that siblings know us since we were born and expect us to have a similar worldview and their judgement takes on parental hues. 

Friends

I think an important part of why we ares friends with our friends is because they accept our crazy selves the way we are. People who aren't close to us and we just tolerate them may not have our whole acceptance. But still we are no one to judge and people have the right to be who they are. The best gift we can give them as people is to let them be their true selves. 

Spouses

A popular saying goes: Women marry men thinking they will change but they don't and men marry women thinking they wont change but they do. Women are said to want to change men into perfect versions of themselves. Whereas men are happy being themselves except their wives now run the house for them. They have no wish to become the versions their wives envision for them. But the best gift, once again, is to learn accept for who people are. There are compromises in all relationships and one has to be the big person to give room for people to be who they are. Smothering the other with who you want to be is only going to make matters worse. Marriage is hard enough and after siblings, this is the relationship that's going to stick for the rest of our lifetimes. 

The acceptance I have in my marriage makes up for the lack of it from every one else. And I can't thank my lucky starts that I don't have to worry about being judged in my own house. Which in turn has made me less tolerant with people who judge me. I know I am enough and good enough the way I am. As long as how I live isn't hurting anyone, I have the right to live the way I want to. 

So look around you and consider the people who are a part of your life. Let go of your prejudices and expectations of how people should be. How about accommodate them for who they are. Give them the gift is unconditional acceptance! 

What do we want the most in life? Acceptance! 

Review: It Ends With Us

I finished reading the book, It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover in 3 days straight. The high of getting to the end of 367-page book has been so refreshing. With brain fog being a bitch, it's been so hard to focus on anything. I have been yearning for a light read but not a chicklit. And this book turned out to be perfect. It was a physical copy with the right font and well paced story. I did not feel like putting it down. And it's rarely that one comes across such a perfect combination where everything falls into place and makes for a great reading experience. 

The only bummer was that the theme turned out to be domestic violence. The subject has been treated with sensitivity. It must have taken a lot of courage for Hoover to bring out her real life in a novel. 

*spoilers ahead* 

The built up is great. You only get glimpses of Lily's parents at first. The diary she's reading in between her current life keeps you on tenterhooks. I actually went ahead a few pages and read the last entry because I really wanted to know how that part of her life pans out. And while you read about her parents and then read about Ryle, you don't believe that Ryle might turn into an abuser too. You just think it's all going to be in the past. So how is this story going to be in the present. 

And then gradually, Ryle turns into the abuser. Lily goes through all the stages that her mother does, till she decides to break the patten. She justifies, she gives him chances, she wonders if she can make it all work. Does all the good balance out the bad? And she goes back and forth with that just like a woman would in real life. 

The first time it happens, the scene unfolds chillingly before us. The way we look at Ryle completely changes. You do a double take if you got it right. And then there's Lily's feelings. There are whole paragraphs about her internal struggle and dialogue, about how she justifies it because he is a nice man otherwise. You live the fear every time she is in his presence, the writing is so tight, you feel every bit of that rawness. The scene of the final attack is brutal. And you can imagine her shaking hands as she tries to use her phone to dial Atlas. 

Hoover has definitely outdone herself here (I have read 2 other books of hers) Even though the book is pretty long, at no point did I wonder what's the point of the book and where is the plot going. That usually happens to me after 200 pages. But this one was tight and neatly done.

There is a point where Lily hasn't made the decision and it can go either way. She thinks about how it is easy to judge on the outside and wonder why women don't quit an abusive relationship. And how easy it is to judge from the outside. She looks at how good Ryle is apart from the insane bouts of blackout anger. You almost think that she'll give in. But the fact that she is financially independent, which her mother wasn't/t makes a huge difference in her life. 

Another thing I love about the book is the one liners that are strewn across the book. For example: 

"That’s what fifteen minutes can do to a person. It can destroy them.

It can save them." 

And 

"Fifteen seconds. That’s all it takes to completely change everything about a person. Fifteen seconds that we’ll never get back."

And 15 seconds is all it took for us to look at Ryle differently from the handsome neurosurgeon that he was till now. it's takes just minutes to transform the equation of a relationship. The book brings this out so well. 

The way the birth of her daughter is put together with her asking for a divorce is so bang on! Ryle wants yet another chance - just one more - like very abuser does. And Lily knows that all too well that she has to make this decision for her daughter. So she turns it around to Emerson and there is no better way to form this argument so that there is only one answer! Would you let your daughter go back to an abusive relationship? What would you do if your daughter's boyfriend hit her? I think the answer is so clear to Ryle that there is no argument beyond that. They could be civil with each other like they were in the last few weeks for the sake of the unborn baby but what kinda marriage would that be! Despite wondering where this will go, her leaving him and making the right decision is a very satisfactory payout for sticking with this book till the end. 

As if that wasn't enough, the last pages make it even better. With Atlas. It almost seems like a second thought but then it does neatly tie in to Lily's first love. It's an epilogue so it doesn't feel rushed. Double payout as a reader's reward. 

The next book continues where this leaves off and I am glad that I bought both. I am curious to see how this pans out with the new equation with Atlas. 

Age Is Just A Number. Is It?

Age is just a number. Is it? 

There's a huge difference between being 17 and 77. Or people wouldn't say - Toni Morrison won the Nobel prize at 62! - with that wonder in their voice. 62 is a number that matters. It's not just any number. Morrison had been slumming it as a writer for 28 years by the time she won the Nobel Prize for literature in 1993. 28 is a long time to wait for a lifetime achievement award too! 

You don't have the same problems at 17 as you have at 77. You have problems but very different ones. It's mostly falling in love for the first time. And getting your heart broken. Feeling like that is the end of the world and realising by 17 and a half that it's not. 17 is the beginning of one's life with numerous prospects before a person. Plenty of time to fall in and out of love. Lots of decisions to make and change. Enormous possibilities to get into and quit careers. 

77 is more like having left a lifetime behind. Having fallen in and out of love. Made all the decisions that there are - except and where and how you'd like to die. Living with the consequences of those decisions. Knowing that the road ahead is a short one. Living with borrowed time you are given and whatever your health permits. When someone climbs the Everest at 77, that's news. Because 77 is not just a number. It means something.

There's always so much that happens between 17 and 77 and every number has a significance. They are not just numbers but a year in the life of a person. When good or bad things happen. We discover or lose love. We decide to hold on or let go. 

There was a time when there was a right age to do things. Get your education sorted by 20, get married and have kids by 30 and then spend the next 2 decades raising them. By the time retirement comes knocking, you are done with your worldly duties. You get to enjoy the sunset years as you deem fit - hopefully with the nest egg you have set aside especially for this purpose. That's a very simple way of putting the traditional expectations of how life should be lived. 

Before you call me an ageist, let me clarify that it's never too early or late to do anything but the age at which people do something has a meaning to it. That's all I am saying. No one is happier than me about the fact that these numbers have become pretty flexible now. 

No one gets married by 25 now. Or 28. Or 30. Even women. I like that they have the freedom to choose a partner and tie the knot when they are ready or have found the right one. Kids are optional. Or can be had at anytime during the 30 and 40 window. The reproductive system is the most ready between 20 and 30 but socially and professionally, that's no longer feasible. They then scramble to freeze their eggs but that's a different story for another day. Although that's also why age isn't just a number. Whether you are 28 or 38 makes a big difference to your body and the baby you carry. And what your age will be on the next 2 decades when you will raise it. 

I love that people can have multiple careers in a lifetime. You can start off as an entrepreneur right out of college or 2 decades into your working life. But if you choose to go independent at 45, it means something compared to when you choose to be an entrepreneur at 25. While at the latter age, you have capital and experience, the risk is higher too, the liabilities are greater too. There is less room for failure. More is at stake than at 25. So 45 is not just a number. It means something to a new entrepreneur. 

Despite how we've changed the personal and social contexts of the years we live, somethings definitely make an appearance around the same time as always. While the 20's are the time you enjoy finding who you are and settle into it by the 30s, mid life crisis in some form comes a-calling in your 40s. The highs of life are done. All the heart breaks are behind you. The major choices you made about your life will stick for the rest of your life. 

And that's when the list of death defying feats begin to frame in your mind in a bid to become more life affirming. The 2 decades that we spent giving our life a shape have given it the shape we wanted - or maybe not. 

Because this is also the time regrets raise their ugly head. Jobs not pursued. Roads not taken. People left behind. Possibilities that could have changed the course of life. It's too late for that, my friend. Those are all thoughts that our 50 year old brain starts analysing - futilely - to gauge what could have been different or better in our lives. 

The best way to stop beating yourself up is to believe that you made the decisions given the information you had at that point in time. And regrets at the life that passed by will only make the road ahead harder. Whether you chose to get married or not, have kids or not, spent enough time with your parents and family or not - this is the time to live with those decisions. Like I said, all those choices are here to stick. 

I don't believe in regret. I believe in living with my decisions. I am 45 and I don't want to look back on choices and second guess myself. Nothing good can come out of that exercise. 

I have lived most of the highs and hopefully lows of my life. I am gutted that I'll never be 24 again but the sooner we accept that the mids of the mid life is it for us now. 

No matter how many heights you bungee jump from or how many new places you land in to discover yourself, Once you are back home, you back to your life the way it is - a result of your decisions made at different points in life. Which is why every number in our life counts, every year. 

The Evolution of Diwali

Diwali, like anything else, has evolved so much since the time I remember celebrating it as a kid. Oil and cotton wick diyas, laxmi pooja in the evening, sweets from the local shop and crackers bought within budget sums up my childhood Diwali. Nothing fancy! I don't think we even bought new clothes every year as a ritual. The lack of social circle around prevented us from making any comparisons. That's how our Diwali was and that's how it must be done. It was just us and we did what mom told us to do. Dad went out and gave sweets to his friends and not many people came home- that I remember of. We did have crackers to burst - something that I was mostly scared of. The fire, the noise - was enough to scare the coward in me. The fire mainly. And the noise too, come to think of it. 

Things changed once I got married. In fact, this year will be 17 years since I celebrate it pretty much on my own. My new home did/does not have any rituals around them and I am the one jumping around about lights, and diyas and sweets - as much as my waist can tolerate! There is nothing that we (all) do/did together. There are no restrictions and I can do what I want. Unfortunately Diwali is as forlorn as a family now as it was in my childhood. We aren't even a family now, just a couple. We don't have guests visiting us or we have any where to go. 

But I can see how much the festival of lights has evolved and changed into something very commercial in every aspect. With e-commerce booming in the recent years, any thing that you need is at the click of a button. And brands had to advertise that as a part of the essential Diwali experience so that sales could be boosted. 

A lot of it can also be the attributed to the influence of Bollywood as on e-comm. It's a lot more commercial. It's been made fashionable - and an extension of tradition mainly because it is popular culture now. Apparel brands make it sound like it's necessary to buy new clothes for the whole family to stay current and impress your guests. 

Buying and gifting jewellery is more an act that brings families together. My mom used to say that the logic behind buying jewellery actually started with buying any kind of metal. People couldn't afford a lot and so they'd buy vessels for home in the name of Dhanteras. How far that tradition has been come along, to mean and symbolise something very different. And people buy jewellery too in the name of staying current with the times. couples in nuclear families forge their own traditions based on these new fangled ways of marking the 5 days of the festival. 

Gift giving is a whole different concept. Gone are the days when giving sweets was the right and traditional thing to do. But with changing lifestyles, people don't prefer the cloying sweetness of traditional sweets any more. In fact, even sweets have gone through a transformation beyond recognition. I went to the sweet shop yesterday and the fancy ones needed explanation. The flavours included orange, blueberry, chocolate and dry fruits. I wanted to specify that I was looking for sweets that traditionally look like how they should. 

The changing preferences gave different brands, wanting to sell their wares, a chance to turn pretty much anything into a gift hamper. From dry fruits to Italian spices - anything can be made into a collection. Haldiram sweets to gourmet jams and chocolates - anything that says chic and unique. It can be just a few things or a cornucopia of stuff representing samples of everything that the brand sells. We got a coffee hamper a couple of years ago - with a coffee mug to sample the wares. 

No one visits us due to a lack of social circle but households that have people dropping in make Diwali pretty interesting by checking out what people chose to bring in. It's almost like opening gifts on one's birthday to see what each box holds. I am sure storing and consuming them is a different challenge altogether but it sure makes it exciting to check every thing out. 

I was also thinking about how the actual act of gift giving has changed. Earlier, people had to stack boxes on their scooters or in cars and cover one part of the city each day. 10-15 days before Diwali, this is what people did. Personally visit every one and wish them for Diwali with their choice of sweet box. And when asked for refreshment, the refrain was - humein aur bhi jagah jaana hai - we have other places to go to so we cannot stay for an elaborate tea and conversation session. They'd stick around for as short a duration as social etiquette permits and then be on their way. Wishing your social circle involved literally visiting them. 

But now there are services for that kinda thing. Yu can not just bulk order stuff but you can also give your address book to them and they'll address, box and ship it for you, if that's what you want done. There are also courier services who'll come and pick up even one box and deliver it to the address in the same city. What wonderful times we live in!

I have started a couple of my own rituals since we moved to our new place and wanted to make a fresh start. I give sweets to the neighbours even though we are not close. But I guess it's nice to be neighbourly and visit them in my festival finery. 

I also made a friend last year, so it's nice to take something for her kids. Sort of my own little social circle ad gift giving ritual. I also hung lights - which is my favourite part of the festival - the lights, not the hanging part (which I do with no help every year and hate it) I also bought some sweets for us yesterday although that is not going to be a favour to my waist or the working out efforts that I have put in recently. But well! Diwali comes once a year and I'd like to make the most of whatever we can while I still can. 

How To Prepare For A Professional Photo Shoot

A professional photo shoot is a must if one wants a strong and professional looking social media presence. By professional, I mean something that's clicked with a good camera or digital camera, that doesn't come across as a selfie from your cell phone. Deliberately dressed and posed for the purpose of projecting a competent brand/person. 

When I started my business in 2014, one of the first things I did was to upgrade my wardrobe and get a photo shoot done in a studio. This helped me launch myself as a brand in the best possible light. The photos on my blog were high resolution and professional. I also used the photos on all my socials - absolutely no casual photos clicked on phone - a rule I follow to this day. 

Here are a few reasons why! 

- Our online presence as entrepreneurs and professionals is key to our personal branding. 

And when people land on our profiles from Google or wherever, the photo serves to create a connect. When we like what we see, we make that essential human connection. There's a reason why meeting people personally will never go out of style. Or at least having the video on on Zoom calls. 

- It's got an added benefit for entrepreneurs. We do business with people who like us and who are like us. Having a clear headshot helps people like us. Something fuzzy or posing with bunnies in a mall doesn't essentially scream competent professional. Hence, the time and money spent on professional photos every few years is a worth while investment if you care about your online personal branding and want it to be a strong one.

- There is no downside to a great profile picture which is professionally shot. It might seem like small thing but it always makes a big difference in the how you overall brand is projected to your customers. 

So first things first, here's what I'll cover in this article: 

How to choose a photographer?

What's your venue going to be?

List of tips from my experience that can make your shoot better

So, how does one choose a photographer?

There are people out there with varying experience and quotes. I don't know what justifies the cost since I haven't paid 5-figures for mine and maybe suffered due to it. I came out of each photo shoot with mistakes that an experienced professional could have helped me avoid. But from the 3 times I have done shoots, I am going to share my personal wisdom which might help make yours better and avoid the pit falls I fell into. 

I don't think expensive equals good or great. So I am not sure. The quote covers only the photographer, not the studio or the venue for a photoshoot. And as a cost-conscious business person who has always kept her business lean, I would not like to spend 25-35 grand just on a photographer plus the overheads of a venue. 

My first shoot was in a studio - so that worked out well. The second one also came with the space but I wasn't happy with the expertise of the photographer or the photos. But they did nicely to refresh my social profiles. The final one that I did last year was in my own home and common areas of the building. 

Is there a way to know how good a photographer is? Definitely ask for previous work to get an idea. Make sure someone hasn't sent you stock photos instead. You can also ask for references you can talk to see how their working experience was with the professional. Make a list of all the questions you want to ask your photographer - about his process, how the day will go, what they'll bring along and what they expect you to provide. 

The fact that you have one day when you'll go all out to get your photos done makes it high-stake. Unlike a phone camera, the professional one will follow you on one day only! 

How to choose a venue

I wanted to choose a co-working space this time. But I realised that getting a professional set up into a co-working space costs extra. This is a weird rule and I am not sure if every co-work space has this rule. The one close to my place said this and I chucked the idea since: 1. It would add to the overheads 2. We'd be trapped in one room despite paying extra for it. If I pick one of the more expensive photographers, I'd want their services to come with a studio. That makes it a good deal. 

Planning for the day 

Here are a few things that helped me ease into the day - I'm sharing all my tips irrespective of gender. Pick the ones that apply to you

Tips

- Colour your roots/greys as close to the shoot date as possible. 

- Remove nail paint in advance. You don't want a shadow of dark colours marring your brand new pictures

- Get your hair and make up done on the same day. Doing your hair the previous night will anyways need touch up the next day. I got a professional on the same morning. Saving pennies won't help here. 

Wardrobe: This is my weak point and I think a professional eye would have helped. 

- Do a dress rehearsal 2 days in advance. Make combinations and ensure the clothes fit well and you look comfortable.

- Commission the help of a friend/trusted colleague. During the dress rehearsal so that you have a second opinion but also during the day of the shoot. Someone to hold you jacket or help you change in and out of clothes is invaluable (It was hard doing everything on my own)

- Iron anything that you might have the possibility of wearing

Check out photos mid-shoot 

One big mistake I definitely wouldn't repeat is to wait for the photos to be sent to me as a folder after the shoot is over. Ask the photographer to get a card reader along. Even if they can't show you as they shoot, you can connect the card reader to your laptop mid-shoot and check out how it's all panning out. You may feel like the shoot is going great and you've taken so many photos. but trust me! You'll probably like only about 10% of them which are usable. 

If you aren't happy with certain angles/lighting you can redo them on the same day rather than living with the regret. I don't have a single photo with the right power pose and I wish I could see the photos as the shoot progressed so I could correct them. I really needed power pose photos. But alas! I am only left with regret. 

If you have any tips that you'd like to add from your experience, feel free to add in the comments. 

The Tiring Specifics of Weight Loss

The specifics of losing weight are so confusing! There are so many different and opposing views on it. The physical activity, the food you eat, the genes you possess. There's consistency, there's intensity and what not! From "cardio 3 days a week for weight loss" to "strength training 4 times a week", there is myriad advice to confuse you. And then there's the ultimate diktat - you will gain weight during peri and menopause. Nothing you can do about it but hang in there. It's the genes, the food, the slow metabolism and what not!! 

I always thought physical activity was important considering the kind of sedentary lives we lead. But food is a big part too. From calculating calories to adding protein according to your body weight, you'll need much more than a weighing scale to stay on track with all that advice. And then there are apps to help you track everything - from steps to sleep cycle, they can tell you everything that's happening in your body, including calories burnt. I always thought you just workout and things will take care of themselves. The maximum I have invested in is an analog step counter, which does nothing but count steps. I don't need to know calories burnt, heart rate etc. I hate making things complicated - although I am wondering if it would have been good to have something like that. (I do have my Fitbit which counts all the bumps on the road as steps too. So I'd add 600 steps just by sitting in a rickshaw - which is nuts!!)

I also realised, this year, that the weighing scale isn't the ultimate authority on how you are doing - there are non-scale wins also that you can look at. Like the way your clothes fit better - inch loss! I did feel a lot better a couple of months ago and things seem to be working for me. But then the same things stopped working after that and I feel bloated like a sack of potato again. 

So what are the parameters that one can change because giving up is not an option for me. I can't imagine the size of my waist if I stop my workouts altogether. Food is something that I have seriously considered changing. Although, I am not a foodie I have realised that that moment you think of giving up some things, they become so dear and you miss them! Plus, it's not easy to change lifelong eating habits or cook on-person meals in a 2-person household. But desperate times call for desperate measures and I am going for broke here especially since the sack of potatoes in my mid section is back. I have looked at new workouts, new ab routine and will try and get into salads at least 4 times a week, going heavy on protein in them. 

One way to get things on track is to get a personal trainer - something that's bloody expensive. However, no one can get you consistency. Only you can do it in the long run. And as someone who needs workout as a maintenance and not aiming for any drastic results like athletes or actors, staying on track is the goal. Nothing beats consistency. As a coach myslef, I don't need someone else to say that to me. 

Are there any weight loss tips or techniques that you have applied and succeeded in getting to your goals? Share them in the comments and I'll be happy to hear about them. 

Weight Loss Shenanigans

The effort of losing weight should itself count as a workout. I spent 3 hours today researching different aspects of shedding menopause weight. And I am still not confident how it's all going to come together. 

Genetically, I am not prone to gaining wieght. But I guess with the changes in lifestyle and a the difference of a generation makes a difference. I was almost stick thin when I got married at 28. A sentence that probably every married woman has said at some point in time or the other. I wish I knew how rapidly things can change after marriage - I could have kept a tight leash on what I eat. It's not like I ate a lot anyways. And it's humid as hell in Mumbai. But the kilos just piled up even before I knew. All the suits I got stitched stopped fitting me after a few months. Like I literally cannot imagine I had that waistline when I see some of those clothes or saree blouses. Was I ever that thin? Will I ever be that thin again? After almost 17 years, I am still waiting to find out! 

Before I got married, gyms were supposed to be for men or for upper class rich women. Not for the middle class women. And for years now, workout has become a common word and activity in my life. 

I have hated gyms since the first time I set foot in them. They are spaces really designed for men. The smell, the energy, the attention is all masculine. Women are expected to look cute on cardio machines. And trainers or no trainers, I have never seen a drastic decrease in my weight. The last time I did solid workout 5 days a week under good trainers, I actually gained because I built muscle. And people actually used to ask me if I have GAINED weight!!!! People only understand getting smaller in size - I do too. But bulking a bit with muscles through lifting weights felt great although a lot of my old clothes don't fit me shoulder wise! 

So yeah! I really don't know how to lose weight. Also, I have always given importance to regular physical activity rather than diet. But now I realise that what you consume - or not - is actually more important in losing weight. Of course, once I start working out, I believe in consistency. Although, once I stopped in 2017 after 2 or 3 years of working out, I never joined anywhere back. I don't think I began working out years later. 

And then the pandemic hit. We were literally on our asses 24/7. Even though people did go for walks but we weren't actually allowed to do that - unless you have a dog. And my surgery in 2022 made me feel like I can never workout again. But losing a considerable amount of weight due to eating less and a lot of protein rich meals proves that what we eat matter a lot. And all the weight was solely due to those 2 reasons. There was no way I was able to work out for another year at least. 

The surgery and the pandemic led to an aversion of stepping out to workout at a gym or a fitness centre. That was also the time when we moved homes and there is nothing around here. The whole of 2022 was me not wanting to get off my ass. Due to the psychological fallout of the surgery and also a spillover from the pandemic. Adjusting to the new house and so many more personal setbacks like dad passing away was getting too much to focus on any kind of workout. 

But towards the end of it, after postponing it hoping to find a good gym class, I started working out at home. I got consistent from August 2023 for sure. Great YouTube channels on cardio and weights workout helped me build consistency. I have never thought of dieting - more on this coming up - but getting that workout done day after day is what has helped me build consistency. I do not believe in weighing myself everyday because miracles don't happen in 24 hours. 

After working out on my own for 5 months in 2023, I felt the need to get a trainer or work under guidance. That's when I joined an online home workout group for strength training 4 times a week. The trainers got us into keeping track of about 12 parameters - from protein intake, steps taken each day, sleeping time and hours, sun exposure, meditation etc. That's when I gradually started going out for walks after the workout - something that I wanted to do but hadn't since the time we moved to the new place which has plenty of space to walk around. Joining a community which shares our goals really helps. 

While the workouts were great, they weren't paced to my liking and did not have much guidance in terms of posture etc. I quit that after 3 months when the package came at full price :) I went back to cardio and and routine because I thought I needed to lose weight and strength training alone may not work for me. I did consider getting a trainer and got in touch with a couple of people but nothing worked out. So I continued with my own routine. I looked at more channels to supplement my cardio. And in the last 3 months I have made a lot of changes like including planks to take care of the meno-pot! 

Based on the research I did today, ideas fresh off the internet and given my current weight situation, I have decided to add strength training 4 times a week and I have looked at workouts for men. I don't want to just look cute with pink dumb bells - something that all women's channels for women have in common! 

I am also getting serious about my food habits. Increasing protein is a given. Although it's hard to cook separate meals in a 2 person household. I guess I can manage salads with chicken for myself. Keeping track of calories is going to be a pain although I never thought it'd come to this. I don't think there is any other way but to be sure of creating a calorie deficit to lose weight. I have also changed my abs and plank routine. I usually try and analyse monthly or quarterly because one needs consistent efforts over a period of time before expecting results. I will maybe come back and report how well this experiment fared for me - more strength training and watching what I eat! 

Stay tuned! 

What has your experience with weight loss been? 

The Evolution of Watching Movies

Watching a movie is a unique experience. My early memories of watching movies in a theater is the weekly outing as a kid when we did not have a TV. Every Sunday, the 5 of us would load on to my dad's motor cycle and go watch a Hindi movie. We went to something called a drive-in theatre. Apart from a movie hall, it had a huge lawn with speakers in the open air. You could choose a spot near the speaker in the outdoors and enjoy the movie. We watched them for so many years until we got a TV at home. And then it was weekly movies on TV - Saturday evenings with Kannada movie and Sundays with Hindi movies. That used to be our quota of the week since Doordarshan was the only channel at that time. 

I loved watching movies on the big screen. All big and colourful. The leading lady had make up and the pretty dresses on. Everything was so glamourous. But once we got the TV, mom and dad went to the theatre on their own and sometimes we kids would tag along. 

We did not have cable, so the movie on demand concept came to our lives really really late. Almost when I started working and got a TV for my room with the cable connection. And the idea of watching a movie on Friday nights - that's when DD Metro had a movie I think or some other channel, I don't recall. 

I was so excited when we got a computer with a media player and speakers, in the 90s. I watched the same movies that we had over and over again cz it was so much fun to watch movies in colour and on demand. 

When I was in college, going to watch a movie in a theatre was the ultimate decadence. An act of rebellion, if you will, instead of going to class. I watched very few films during 5 years of college since I was a good girl (eye roll) and my circle believed in going to class like good children. 

And then came multiplexes with their fancy seats and pricey tickets. I must have gone to multiplexes a lot mostly after my wedding. I wasn't allowed to go on my own or friends before that. But I could obviously go with my husband. Life size movie watching on a big screen with a big tub of popcorn. Even theatres gradually evolved into fancy places with gourmet menu and seats that went flat all the way. For a price of course. Watching a movie was a regular weekend activity when we did not go out to eat. These were times when movies released in theatres and there was no Netflix. So going to a theatre was the only way to catch up with new flicks. 

And then came Netflix. An on demand cornucopia of movies and series. You could watch any movie any time. In fact, before Netflix became a thing, I used to play music all the time when I was alone and working. But with Netflix, I could play sitcoms over and over again to keep me company while working. We still went to movies for the experience and the latest film. But then we also knew that soon it would be released on online platforms too. Gradually Netflix was not the only place one could watch movies on. We just got spoilt for choice. 

With the pandemic, the theatres closed for the longest since people crowding in a dark hall wasn't exactly a great thing for preventing the spread of corona virus. Even people did not want to be in close proximity with other people where one sneeze could spread germs that had nowhere to go. 

Netflix and other OTT became our main source of entertainment. All movies released on OTT first since the theatres weren't operational. With Swiggy delivering food, going to the theatre seemed like such a huge effort. OTT had movies and Swiggy sent food making the perfect entertainment spot at home. There were 2 years when I did not want to step out at all. Not that I am keen to do that now. But I wouldn't mind going for the experience once in a while. But with a new movie and food at home, there doesn't seem to be the need to go to theaters that often. We have big screen TVs now and with the right speakers, we have the theaters effect right here at home. 

So from no TV to single screens and then multiplexes, I seem to have seen all phases of cinema entertainment evolve. This is just entertainment. When I think of it, there are so may other things like the internet, communications, shopping, professions, travel etc that have transformed in the last 4 decades. It should be fun track a few of those down the memory lane and follow the way things have changed. 

The Many Identities Of a Woman

Mother, daughter, sister, wife, companion. Have you noticed how women are showered with titles - mostly due to others in their lives? She is never someone in her own right. Like there is literally no term for it. There's a "man" of the house, but no "woman". And that one word says everything about the man. That's enough for his identity. And yet it's a woman who needs so many terms to define her, each one with its own connotations.  

I was a daughter and sister for the first 28 years of my life. Actually a daughter, for the most part. Obedient, pliant, docile. I wasn't the quietest but was taught that women shouldn't be outspoken. Mould yourself into who others want you to be. Put others first. Keep your opinion to yourself. 

And then I got married. And the tag of a wife, not just redefined my previous roles (at least in my case) but also brought a whole lot of new relationships. Surprisingly, most of them required me to be obedient, pliant, docile. And I continued being that. Or maybe that was just 28 yrs of conditioning just oozing out of my being. I learnt the basics of running my new house, getting along with the new family, impressing the extended clan (who knew nothing about me but continued to judge me from afar for years to come) But I did all that within the system that was created before I became a part of the household. The pliant part came in very handy there. Well done, mom and dad! Great job grooming the daughter to become the ideal daughter-in-law. 

But there was also the other part of me. A part important to my identity. The one that did not have a name. A professional isn't included in the list of roles a woman traditionally plays. I always had a voice. And I was great at my work and that literally required me to have a voice. But it never mattered that I also had a competent trainer in me - the woman with a voice, who wasn't scared to talk in front of people and who, as I ironically, realised later, helped other people find their voice. No one asked or cared about that identity of mine. I was only judged for how I was as a daughter-in-law and wife, for my house keeping skills. And how docile I could be through it all. 

The next identity should ideally have been that of a mother. Not that I never wanted to be one but it turned out that it wasn't meant to be. When I see other women with kids, I think that's the identity that takes the most out of a woman. Yes, men supposedly contribute in today's times but they will never match the physical, mental, emotional investment that a woman makes in a having and raising a child! Boy! That's a 20-year commitment of her life right there - per kid (it's easy with the second one is just a myth! It just all doubles!) As I watch from afar, I think things only get harder and more challenging. Being responsible for how a whole new individual turns out is a helluva responsibility! 

But in my life, all the time and effort fostering identities marriage gave me was turning out to be a waste. And I just went out there and forged another identity. That of an entrepreneur. And this was at a time when working people still did the rounds of their offices 5 days a week from 9-6pm. I never had a job to go to so I never adhered to that schedule. And somehow my work wasn't considered legit because of that. I was still considered to be sitting at home, being a house wife with all the time at people's disposal. The new identity did not count. No one knew or wanted to know about it. And this coming from people who did not even want to know me as a person, let alone a professional. 

I am grateful and happy that I had the means and the freedom to construct this new me - which was going to be a huge part of me in the years to come - with the solid support of my better half. Anything I wanted to do, he was game. Even though we are a couple of decades into the new century, let's face it - spousal support is key in any endeavour one wants to embark upon. It should work both ways but it is more so for the woman. I have always counted my immense luck in this department and think that that trumped every one else who couldn't love me for who I am. One person has been enough! 

As I put in years of hard work building my independent identity and my business, I realised that few people at work really knew me as the person I am. The work identity excluded my home identity. I planned my work around my home life and declaring personal challenges was not a part of work. Somehow, I could never be a whole person and be appreciated for everyone that I am. I could only be one identity at a time. 

And if it's possible for my life to get more ironic, through the better part of my life as an entrepreneur, I remained a wife first. Putting the needs of the better half above everything else. The flexibility that my work gave me made it possible. So while I was building a new identity, I still was stuck to the old ones. Deep ran the conditioning to be be wife and daughter in law first. Every other person that I was, came later. But I did not mind because this is one relationship that gave me room to grow into whoever I wanted to be. I could tolerate and put up other identities that were judged and always feel short in other people's estimate because this one gave strength and confidence to be who I really wanted to be. 

In fact, everyone knew a fragment of me and thought that was me. Look around you - the people you know are just parts of what you see. 

I know someone who had a full fledged career but has now decided to just run the house. I cannot appreciate the identity she has as a working woman because I met her after she gave that up. But I am always aware that she was someone so much more before I knew her. And giving up that identity means something to her. I don't know that part but it existed. 

I see a mother with a young child also struggling to get her business up and running. That's the person I know. But then she was also successful trainer once with no encumbrances of being a mother and a wife. She took on more identities because the society told her she should. What's worse, social mores don't even let her confess this is not how she wanted her life to be. I see her flailing to hold on to who she is and wants to be - out of the roles that society has tied her into. 

I see this happening with women all the time. Even at work, we carry the conditioning of our personal life. Women who keep quiet at work, when they should actually speak up, fail to assert their professional identities. They let the personal seep into the professional. They give in to the "man" of the office because when "boss" is applied to a woman, it's not as a good thing. 

Through all of these people that we are - I have realised that our identity gets so fragmented that we need to scavenge through the myriad roles to find our true selves.  

So who am I, at the end of the day? 

It's taken me more than a couple of decades to find that answer. To finally shed the roles and tags that society forced me into. I refused to be defined by extraneous labels that people think I should be. I have worked hard to break the mental shackles of a lifetime of conditioning. To come on my own and be the true, authentic self that I am. I don't feel the need to be interpret myself through marriage or motherhood. I was comfortable when I worked and when I took a sabbatical. I don't feel the need to cling to any one identity to make me feel like I matter. I am who I am today - take it or leave it!  

And I think if you ask any woman, each one strives to be just herself. And be respected for it. If times are changing, why should women be compelled to live through different identities that others have laid out for her! Mother, daughter, sister, wife, companion. How about we let women be just themselves! 

Why I Don't Like Pets

Why I don't like pets. I don't know if this is a 1000-word topic - the goal for my daily writing - but here I am! 

Now that my spouse and I are in our 40s, the mid life crisis is nicely settling in. It's a great time to look back and wonder how life could have been different if we had kids. We seem to have extra love going aww at other people's kids...and pets! More him than me, ironically. And people, for some reason seem to be experts on our lives, have been telling us that it might be a good idea to adopt one - kitten or pup! But it's a big no for me and here's why. 

Since I was a kid, dogs were the most common pets. None of the people I knew had cats. And I was/am (shit) scared of dogs. I don't care what the owners say, dogs bite. Period. The chances are never zero percent and I never want to get bit by one. The idea of having and raising one in my own house has been unthinkable.  

After spending 4 decades of not paying any attention to animals, something happened in 2019. A stray cat starting along with me to our first floor flat when I got home and meowed till she was given milk. She did that every single day. She not just had milk, she also stuck around wanted to be petted and could recognise us in the dark. And then she had kittens - 4 of them! I think it was the love for the cat and not wanting any kittens to die, we started ordering cat food. Thanks to her being fed well, all the kittens survived. We fostered them for a few months. 

That's when I learnt that while dogs have to be taken for walks, cats took care of themselves as long as you give them a litter box. So it became a daily trip the terrace - feeding them milk (and later cat food) and clearing out their litter box and adding more clumping sand to the pit. Since the mother trusted us, the kittens also freely played around us. It was such a joy to watch them and for the first time in my life I said - kittens are so cute! Just like furry toys! I don't think I was inclined to bring one of them home. (We might have if we did not live with my mother in law who did not like the cat or the kittens)

I don't like animals - that was my reason in my younger days. But now, I feel that pets are a poor compensation for people who don't have children. It's like - let's be "pets parents" to fulfil our need to nurture a being, to shower the extra we'd have for our kids on a non-human that can be easily adopted. Parents have children to indulge in. But the childless people resort to nurturing animals and consider themselves parents. I am not going to be one of them. 

If I had children, that would be a different thing. I had to take care of them, be up to send them to school, cook for them, attend to their studies and basically ensure they stay alive long enough to throw tantrums at me as teenagers. But since I don't, I want to enjoy the life of being a child-free woman in her 40s. I have no desire to raise animals and give them my love. I have enough love for myself, my spouse, my books, my work and that's enough for this lifetime. 

Plus, I held fort at home for 15 years and was tied down to my duties for my mother in law. Her meals, her moods, her doc's appointments and health issues. I spent a significant part of my life taking care of all that. I have been lucky enough to be free of all that very recently. I do not want to be stuck worrying about feeding a dog, taking it for walks and attend to the vet's appointments that come with having a pet. 

Of course, raising a pet is just like raising a child - without the payback of being parent. I don't want a pet at this age for the same reason that I don't want a kid at this age. I don't want to keep track of visits to the vet in my 60s when my pet also will be old and need additional medical interventions to stay alive. If I had kids, they may not visit me in my old age but at least they'd be independent and living their own lives leaving me in peace. 

My sister recently got a pet. After resisting for years, she gave in to her kids' and spouse's wish to have a dog. She, like me, is not fond of animals. But she gave in to the pressure. While having a pet is a great goal to have, nurturing it on a daily basis is quite a task. It's exactly like people tell you to have a kid soon after you get married as if it's a tick on a list - not realising that that is the beginning of a 20-year commitment (longer in a country like India where kids continue to live with their parents well into their 40s) 

Similarly, while everyone was happy to have a pet, the real work starts once you bring it home. And the novelty, at least with a pet, wears off pretty soon. Now, no one has time or the inclination to play with it or take it on walks. There's a dog walker to do the job and the maid takes care of the meals. Plus everyone has jobs and school/college to attend for long hours. The poor thing now roams around the house looking for affection. Obviously, he gets the time of day when everyone is home. But between kids and pets, kids get preference in attention. 

So if I am ever on the verge of getting a pet, I'd like to read this. Although I am sure that my pragmatic outlook towards life will ensure that I do not get involved in a 15-yr commitment in my middle/old age! 

Review: Ellen's For Your Approval

Ellen Degeneres was kicked out of the show biz and her show ended in 2022 amidst allegations that it had a very toxic work environment. Apparently it was a huge global controversy but I came to know when I watched her Netflix special this weekend. I don't follow international entertainment news so I have been out of the loop. 

Her Netflix special - For Your Approval - seems lack lustre from the word go. But in the light of this controversy, it is evidently a ploy to redeem herself in the eyes of the people. She does not address any of the accusations about how her show was run. She just goes around the issue using most of the Special to exonerate herself and justify her individual role on the show. I was an immature boss, I never went to business school - is her way of distancing herself from it all. 

The show seems to be a well planned PR stunt with a very strong tone of "Aww poor Ellen" sprinkled liberally through out. She looks old and mostly focusses on the problems of being old. She shares that she has stopped botox and fillers because she does not care about what people think of her. Which is just a tongue in cheek way of saying that she does. The special is a medium to exit in a dignified manner, have the last word and absolve herself of the charges levelled at her without actually addressing any of that. She's just defending herself very indirectly and not really fighting back. Which kinda proves that the controversy has strong legs to stand on and any kind of defence on her part would only make it worse. 

The special is a vindication saying people may think I am mean but I am not. She talks about her health issues due to old age, how she's been a people pleaser, an obsessive animal activist and someone who'd put out posters if a pet is lost. (As if!) In fact, the whole persona of the "poor old Ellen" seems to be deliberately created to win over people. Research proves that subliminal messaging works and looking old and defeated works at the subconscious levels of the audience. 

There is a lot of extraneous matter - which isn't funny - but acts as padding in between the rationalisations. The bits about parallel parking, the one legged pigeon, the confusion on how to pronounce "legged", the bit about butterflies and chickens were unconnected cushions sandwiched between self-deprecating humour that actually meant to have the opposite impact. 

She talks about how her identity was the show and wraps that around an emotional story about her mom. But then if she was the mother hen on the show, it was her job to create a safe working environment for everyone. Not only was she unaware of what was happening, she contributed to that toxic work environment. (I can believe that because of the tone she used with people who asked questions at the end of her last special)

Instead this is how she sums herself up: 

“I’m tough and I’m impatient and I’m demanding. I’m direct. I’m a strong woman.” 

Couching being mean as just a boss demanding exacting standards is pure hogwash. It is just trying to put a positive spin on herself and playing the victim. 

A mention for the over enthusiastic audience here - the standing ovation she got for describing herself with those adjectives rang false and seemed staged. First of all, people who bought tickets and turned up are the ones you do not believe that anyone was badly treated on the show. And in the whole endeavour of "save Ellen" there had to be a supportive audience playing its part. Did they go a bit overboard, yes. Did that add to the whole thing being a charade? Of course! 

But online evidence has story after story to prove that things were pretty horrific on the show and from what people have said Ellen had no idea. She was on her own ego trip, breezing through seasons with her nose in the air. She had no clue what the ground reality was for people were working to make her show successful year after year. And it's almost a crime for her to use this platform to vindicate herself instead of taking responsibility. 

It is truly sad that her show had a toxic environment. She could have stood for change, made the workplace more inclusive for women. She herself faced backlash when she came out and she knows those hard times! She could strive for an exemplary work place because a woman runs it. But from what you can read online, it was all about her brand - ironically a brand that stands for kindness. And she has the audacity to stand on stage and relinquish any responsibility for what happened by saying she wasn't boss and she did not know how to be one. 

If she chose to do a proper special and salvage herself as a comedian, I'd still respect her. But she was too invested in saving face and running around in circles instead of addressing the real issues. So the show is neither funny nor seems sincere because of her hidden agenda in doing it. Gone was the confident Ellen of the last special. And here was someone manipulating people into believing her side of the story. And not doing a very good job of it. 

All in all, she makes it seem like "people" think I am mean but for her the show was fun and they had fun making it. Releasing fake snakes on to unsuspecting employees and popping people from the table at the guests are her idea of fun. But as she explains how elaborate it all got, you can definitely see how that could have crossed the fun threshold and can be traumatising. 

Do I believe the allegations? Well! There is no smoke without fire. The internet is full of people who spoke about their terrible experiences and others have corroborated it all. The evidence has been enough to bring down a titan like her and that can't happen on the basis of false rumours. She is a billionaire and is all set for life. So I don't think it really really matters to her. She can comfortably carry on her life even without the show. Let's hope that her being ousted might bring some succour to people who were indeed mistreated while working on the show.  

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