|Relax! It's not a fight!|
For centuries now, men have been perpetrators of injustice on women. They are the villains and women the victims. They are supposed to be the rulers of the house and women submit to their will. But has anyone ever wondered how hard it is to be man? How herculean it is to carry the cross of being the strong, responsible ones protecting the rest of mankind? While Feminists are up against anything against women, no one spares a thought about the shackles imposed on being a man. I think they deserve some thought. And so, here’s to the men of the world!
I think the biggest problem of being a man is just being that is enough to raise suspicions. To get you into trouble. You are always a man first, not a human being. You can’t talk to classmates just because they are girls. You have to be extra careful around them lest anything you say or do is misconstrued. You can’t compliment a colleague because that can amount to sexual harassment at the work place. You cant even behave like a normal person would. If a beautiful woman walks in, what do you do? Not look? Close your eyes? But just looking at her makes you a pervert! And that is so unfair! And if you offer to help a woman on your own, you get stares as if you are a rapist!
For all the independence and liberty women tom-tom about, it’s the poor man who is always supposed to be the brave one! In all situations. From cockroaches to goons, it’s your job to defend the lady. I mean even you could be scared of that filthy insect, right? But when your woman screams and takes refuge behind you, what option do you have but to bravely brandish the broom and aim at the hapless intruder who seems to be born just to test your bravery! You can’t back out and be a wuss. You have to be formidable at all times and belt out a classy “ Aurat ko kya chhed raha hai be, pehle mujhse baat kar” even as armed goons threaten you in all their ferocity! I mean you are expected to risk your life just because you are a man. Why can’t the liberated woman of the 21st century defend her ass herself?
And on that note, given the 21st century feminism shit, your whole status quo is royally screwed. What exactly are you supposed to do to earn brownie points? To not be looked up as the villain in women's lives? Earlier, you could just mooch off the hard work of the women of the house. But now you are expected to cook, clean, shop, take care of kids and still suffer condescending looks from women who just don't give you enough credit for trying your best to evolve faster and match the high standards of the modern woman!
“Don’t cry like a girl - be a man!"- is an anthem men are taught to follow. Weeping is feminine and not shedding tears is manly. Emotions and tears are a human thing, you say? I agree. What does expressing what you feel have to do with being a man? I concur. But unfortunately, being a man bereaves you of the catharsis that comes with a good howl. The feeling of letting go when you are all knotted inside. But you can’t really do that. At least not in public. I am sorry, man! I really am!
By virtue of being a man, certain things are just a given about you. You should know how to drive. And should know how to parallel park. You should pay the bill when you go out with a girl. You should earn a good salary right in your 20’s. You should propose first. And spend tortuous, sleepless nights about what the girl’s answer will be. And no, you aren’t expected to know how to cook. Men are raised as Mamma’s darlings and that haunts them for the rest of their lives. Can you imagine what a helpless situation that is to be in when the tummy is growling with hunger? I mean, give men a break!
And damn the latest Bollywood lot!! Any man with less than 6 pack abs is a loser. And the competition gets really tough to ignore when all girlfriends go drooling over Ranveer Singh and then look at you as a consolation prize. So not pumping iron in the gym with protein shakes in tow is not an option. While women continue to indulge themselves with their favourite desserts because PMS cravings! If you can’t do as many reps as the girls in your unisex aerobics class, they judge you. Like just being a man gives you the strength of Shaktiman or something! Tch! Tch!
Women can finish school and plonk themselves at home waiting for their well-earning prince charming and holy matrimony. Nope, no such luck for men. If you think they have it easy by just being in the matrimonial market, you are wrong! They work bloody hard to earn the demands their parents make of the bride’s family. And do you think just because women are now successful, independent ones, they'll cut some slack for men after marriage? Nope, house husbands are still not a respectable thing to do in our country. While making too much money makes a woman masculine, not earning well makes men a wuss. Ah! Double standards!
This one takes the cake! Men are expected to understand inscrutable phenomenon like PMS and Periods with absolutely no frame of reference in their own life. No, cramping is nothing close to anything a man goes through. And it’s hard to imagine that with a missing uterus in the body. So it worked fine to make jokes about it as a coping mechanism to hide the embarrassment or ignorance or both. Till Feminists made it sound like a crime. As if you are an insensitive bastard who doesn’t care what the other half of the world’s population goes through month after month. Life is challenging for you too! Sigh!
You lose out on all the advantages that come with being a woman. I mean it’s not your fault that you don’t have breasts to attract attention! You aren’t feminine with a curvy frame. Doors don’t magically open for you just by being the gender you are like it does for women. No one moves aside to let you ahead of the queue. No one offers to park your car if you are stuck with it (you are supposed to know it yourself dumbo! You are a man!) No one offers you a seat in public transit. You are treated like an alien and kept out of the women only compartments. You can never reap the miraculous effects of a woman’s sorry face and a plea - “Bhaiya, thoda jaldi karwa dijiye na!” While that works as a wizard’s wand for a woman, no such luck for men. Wish you were endowed with some of that charm, don’t you?
So, ladies all I am saying is that don’t be in a hurry to judge men. Yes, most of them are good but there are some assholes too! If we have emerged victorious having broken traditional conventions about what a woman should be, I think men also deserve a break. Let’s teach them to cook. And sometimes be the first ones to propose. And leave them alone for a bit of they don’t get the monthly drama of women. The poor fellows have no idea!
Dear men, this is my humble attempt to bring forth your agony before the world. Kindly forgive me if I hurt your ego and crushed your sense of false self-importance imposed on you by the world. Whatever you feel, drop me a line. Praises, brickbats - all welcome!