Friday, November 21, 2014

Is getting married even worth it?

Our younger selves in the first year!
“I don’t believe in soul mates either. I don’t think that you and I were destined to end up together. I think we fell in love and we work hard at our relationship. 

Some days we work really hard” 

I find myself nodding my approval at Monica Geller’s words in F.R.I.E.N.D.S. They ring so true today as I reach the 7 year mark in my marriage. Don’t all of us dream that we will get married to our soul mates and live happily ever after? No matter what others go through, we believe we will certainly have a great partner, never have a fight, always keep the romance alive and just have the perfect marriage!! 

And these humongous expectations from the institution are what lead to our undoing. At least, it did lead to mine! I remember being so heart broken after our first fight a few days into our marriage. To my naive understanding, perfect couples don’t fight, ever! And we weren’t the perfect couple anymore because we broke that rule..and so soon! I can’t help but have a hearty laugh at that now. 

So if you start with huge expectations, you need a reality check. Or you are in for a rude shock. Let me tell you that marriage is a difficult, complicated and convoluted relationship rife with sexual and gender politics. It’s not easy to live with someone who throws wet towels on the bed (usually men) while the other wants to keep it clean (mostly women). And it’s a bloody tough task to keep up with someone who’s demanding in a relationship (mostly women) while all the other partner wants to do is watch soccer and unwind with a chilled beer (mostly men). Sometimes, I feel the worst invention of all times is this concept of putting together 2 individuals under the same roof for rest of their lives! I mean, we were living life on our own terms for a few decades and have to accommodate this other person in all aspects of your life now!

Photo credit
Why, then, do we even need to get married? Aren’t we, as humans, intelligent enough to comprehend how impractical this is? My answer to this is that the love, companionship, togetherness, freedom, peace and the sense of security that marriage brings is worth every bit of dirty work. We are social, emotional beings. We need to be with people and are insufficient, incomplete on our own. A constant companion is the anchor that keeps the ship of our life from floating rudderless. You have someone to come back home to. This concept might seem a bit outdated with our busy schedules. But I still feel the relationship makes sure that no matter how far the birds fly (pun intended!), they are going to come back to the comfort of the nest they put together!. 

I feel sad to see things not working out for some people. I wonder how big are the differences that people begin to hate each other and drift apart. Very unpleasantly, at times.  I know about celebrities separating after a good decade of being with their partner. I am sure there are plenty of common people like you and me who go through the same plight. But even as successful stars, it must be equally traumatic. I sometimes feel there is no reason that justifies giving up on each other. But I guess to each his own and don’t want to be judgmental. If people can’t find companionship and happiness with each other, it’s better for them to find it elsewhere. 

Then there are also exceptionally lucky people who have cupid striking them more than once! Those are the people on the other end of the spectrum. While we ordinary mortals scrape out all our patience and courage to keep up with one partner, they move on with gay abandon and explore greener pastures. That’s the more colourful side of matrimony for you. 

What do you think about marriage? Married or single, you are bound to have a view. Or experiences to share. Feel free to leave your comments below. I’d love to hear from you!


  1. Wonderfully written as usual. I think marriage, as we see today, is where people try to show that they are bigger than the other by either partners... Gone are the times when they tried hard to work at the relationship and make it work.. Now, at the most trivial of reasons, they decide to move and not invest their time in the relationship.. That is true in a lot of cases these days. This reminds me of what I read a while back. Someone asked a couple who have been married for nearly 70+ years as to what made their marriage work.. The reply from them was rather profound.. They said 'we lived in times where one doesn't throw away things when they are broken but rather get it repaired and make it work'.

  2. A few years back the word 'marriage' itself scared me. Thanks to some incidents, now it doesn't! :) I think it's a beautiful relationship...truly divine, if you are loyal that is! Loved your thoughts! :)

  3. Thanks Bushra and Kapilan for reading and leaving your comments. Bushra, I hope you are living the beautiful journey marriage can be, if you are married that is! :)

    Thanks for sharing the amazing example, Kapilan. I still believe that despite all the stress and frayed tempers due to our stressed lifestyles, a lot of people are making an effort to keep their marriage going. I still haven't lost trust!

  4. Marriage is great till the time you make an effort to repair the cracks and move on for your own reasons and it shouldn't be an effort to appease your families and spoiling lives of both meanwhile. Your thoughts are actually a learning for me and finding it really interesting too.