Kis Kisko Pyaar Karoon - Movie review

Not worth a watch! 

I'd like to confess that this review is based on watching an hour of the film. I also want to confess that I went to watch the film just for Kapil and for the sheer hard work that's taken him to the big screen. However, from whatever I had heard of the plot of the movie, I knew that it wasn't going to be very great. And I was proven right five minutes into the film. 

Kis Kis Ko Pyaar Karoon is the story of a man who gets married to 3 girls for the flimsiest of reasons that defy all logic. And the rest of the film is a Saajan Chale Sasuraal style dodging of people he doesn't want to run into but does. Plus, the palatial, well furnished homes in Mumbai for 3 wives is a tad too much even for the suspension in disbelief that Bollywood usually requires. 

We walked out in an hour for 2 reasons. One, the plot was pretty clear and the comedy wasn't as great as I had expected. Two, and more importantly, my spouse thought this was my way of torturing him for something wrong he did to me.  So I decided to leave in the better interest of my marriage ;) 

To be honest, my expectations of comedy from the film were quite high. It's a dud in that dept. Kapil, somehow, doesn't seem to fit the big screen. The image of Bittu Sharma is too overwhelming in my mind to see him as anyone else. His dialogue delivery, gauche dancing and his mannerisms simply remind you of the guy who appears in the comfort of your homes every weekend. 

All the lead women are new, unknown, model like people who are there just to look pretty. The skin show and forced glamour just makes it unreal since no one sitting at home (as confessed by the characters themselves) would have the well toned bodies they have. The songs (2 in an hour) are out of place and make no sense.

All in all, it's a dud for me. I expected a much more powerful script, performance, comedy and power from an actor of Kapil's calibre. I don't doubt his ability to act or his screen presence but with this film, the script itself lets him down right from the start. Wishing him better luck next time! 

#WIN15 - The Brilliant Blogging Event By Blogadda

A day full of meeting people and having fun is great. It's even greater when it involves your passion - writing in this case. I blog for my passion for writing. And it is always a bonus to get to learn the ropes from stalwarts in the field. I registered well in advance for #WIN15 and was super excited about it. Though it was a little early and too long for a Sunday, I was there nice and early. I was greeted by smiling (and not sleepy) faces at the registration desk. I was also asked to give out a video byte about what I look forward to the most in the day. (Btw, I got to check if that went on air!). Once I was in, it was catching up with people I knew and the game of - doesn't that guy look like X on Twitter - began for me.

The event was in a huge hall and the stage was all set by the time we took our seats. The entry of the host of the day - Siddharth Kannan - on a cycle, greeting people on the way was an apt introduction to how much fun we were going to have with him. The event was divided into talks in the first half and workshops in the second. The day began with story telling with Lakshmi Pratury of INK talks who spoke about how to identify passionate story tellers.

Next up was a very interesting talk by Dhaka based blogger Rezwan who spoke about how blogging in evolving in his country. That was followed by Huffpost India editor, Sruthijith telling us about the best way to keep blogging and writing. The talk on travel blogging by Ajay Jain threw light on the lesser known aspects of travelling and blogging. It was pretty inspirational to know how traveling had really made him evolve as a person. This was followed by a chat session Anaggh Desai and Aditya Magal - the Gods of blogging. The morning sessions ended with talks on the business of blogging. Harini Calamur, Ashok Lalla and Prashanth Challapalli delivered insightful talks about how bloggers could monetize their blogs by writing for brands.

By the time we were out for lunch, these sumptuous designer cakes made by the talented chefs of JW Sahar greeted us in the lobby. Networking continued during lunch where we caught up with more people who had walked in late in the morning.

These are all cakes!!!!

The workshops began post lunch. There were two workshops in each slot and hence you could choose just one. Since the first set of workshops were on food and travel blogging - both not my area of interest, I decided to wander around. I ended up in one of the other venues hosted by Blogadda where Pampers was launching a new diaper product. And guess who I found there....

My celebrity moment! :)

It was awesome to see her and be a part of an event she was hosting. I have always found her fitness inspirational!

And then arrived the creative writing workshop with Natasha Badhwar that I was really waiting for. (The parallel workshop in this slot was on video blogging) It was the most unique workshop on writing that I have ever been a part of. Like her columns, Natasha's workshop had emotions involved and she brought a new aspects of what can make us better writers. Being ok with who we are and permitting ourselves to feel the way we are were fresh and unique perspectives I gained from her workshop. 

The day was getting a bit long by now since we started at 8.30 in the morning. But the high tea was refreshing with yummy snacks to fill our bellies. The day was far from over and we had a whole lot of fun lined up! When we came back to the main hall of the conference, we had Suchitra Krishnamurthy of the Dole Dole and Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa fame. This part of the evening began with Suchitra and Natasha (Badhwar) discussing the way blogging has changed since Suchitra used it in its earlier days. It was great to hear how she leveraged online power to promote her album during the 90s. And then came the grand Blog adda awards followed by the launch of the book Game of Blogs. 

Phew! It was a long but fun day full of learning and meeting people. Looking forward to more such events in the future! 

ThrowbackThursday - Memories from 2012

Found this photo with the spouse from september 2012

I am declared the super blogger this week by Blog chatter during their blog chat which happens every wednesday at 8.30 pm. I am using the opportunity to blog every day for 7 days to justify the honour. Since it's only laziness between me and my wonderful writing, I think it is a great way to kick myself into action!

For the first post this week, I ran into this much forgotten photo with the spouse. It was taken at a family function in 2012. I cherish such couple photos more also because we do not have a lot of them together. Initially, we used to ask people to click a couple photo during our travels. And then it just got a little odd to do that and we just got busy clicking the hotel rooms and scenery around. Of course, this is before the selfie wave hit us and we aren't so much of selfie buffs. 

Anyways, I digress. The most exciting bit for me when I look at old photos is to stare at them and wonder how much have I changed. Do I look older now? Maybe, you can tell me in your comments :)

I also want to spare a word for this saree - one from my Satya Paul collection and drapes pretty well. This also reminds me that this was the last time I probably draped this one - not many opportunities for sarees and each one has to wait a long time for its turn. 

What are your best Throwback Thursday memories? I'd love to hear about them. 

What outrages the modesty of a woman?

What outrages the modesty of a woman? How does one know if someone meant it or a woman is taking offense where none was meant? Is she at fault if she isn’t comfortable with what someone said to her? Or should she be trolled for speaking her mind? 

These are some of the questions that come to my mind at the ongoing furore about the objection Ms. Charlotte Proudman had to the mail that Alex Carter-Silk sent to her. While my blogger friend, Ankita thinks Proudman over-reacted, I somehow find myself at the opposite end of the argument. And here’s my side of the story:

I came to know about this episode through a tweet which had this Mashable link on it which has both their mails. I, then, came across this photo in the newspaper the next day. 

This set me thinking. This wasn't just some woman who got offended and wrote a mail and the matter finished. There is a whole lot of debate around it. I went back and read the mails. I discussed this with some people on Twitter. People seemed to be divided and there was no clear picture as to who people thought was right or wrong here. To my surprise, there are quite a few women who feel that Charlotte over reacted. She should have just shrugged it off as just another compliment instead of raising a rabble about it. But, I say, Charlotte found it offensive enough to write back on a professional network probably jeopardising her career prospects. This calls for digging deeper. 

When I think about it, the first thought that comes to my mind is how I’d react if someone sent me a mail like this on a professional network. That makes me go back to the mail and consider what could be offensive to a woman. Basics first, this person is almost double the age. Somehow that calls for more awareness about how your message could be perceived. Secondly, this is his first mail he wrote to Charlotte. I have written and received several ‘thanks for connecting’ emails on Linkedin but I don’t remember that dwells on how I or someone else looks. If I were to have 2/3rd of someone’s mail dwelling on my DP and adding one last sentence about his interest in my skills, I will definitely find that odd. 

I’d be ok even if he had just mentioned - you look stunning (though that’s not a word to be used in the professional context, not in the first mail) and moved on to his interest in working with her on the projects he found mutually beneficial. But he seems to be well aware of the implications of what he is saying, a seasoned lawyer that he is - “horrendously politically incorrect” and still says it. He himself uses strong words to say this might be very inappropriate - if he meant it just as a passing comment why couch it in defensive words so strong?

And he doesn’t stop there. He also awards her the best picture on Linkedin award. And when I read it, it feels like that’s all he is talking about and by the time he comes to her skills, it’s lost all meaning. It also looks like this guy definitely isn't aware of boundaries when he calls his own daughter hot! 

Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt for a minute and say - he did nothing wrong. Let’s consider how Charlotte must have felt. First of all, I totally believe in women’s instinct and the vibes that people give out even online. I am a woman who is active online. I make decisions about who to follow and who not to follow. I have had people compliment on the first chat and it did not feel offensive. And some others did not come out right and gave me second thoughts with what they said even after a few chats. It’s the vibes. Can anyone decide for me? Can you tell me if I should have felt offensive or not? Can even I explain why I get a certain feeling about someone. That’s why it’s called instinct. A woman knows a touch, words, tones - she just knows it! 

Assuming that Charlotte has even average intelligence, I don’t think she would just fly off the handle like this and create a furore. It must have come across as insulting to her. And I totally empathize with her. I am sure she has spent enough years becoming a successful professional and here is this guy only talking about her stunning looks. As an NLP trainer, I know that the onus of communication lies on the speaker, the person who conveys the message. If care is not taken to word/say it properly, don’t blame the receiver. If he is so innocent, I am sure she deserves the benefit of the doubt for being well aware of the implications of what she was doing by writing back. 

And what makes her point stronger is she doesn’t back off amidst the ensuing controversy. But accepts that she is willing to “endure misogynistic backlash that accompanies calling out sexism in hope it encourages at least one woman to feel she doesn’t need to take it.’ This definitely is not a woman who reacted at the spur of the moment, or better still under the influence of hormones - the major contributor to all female tantrums! 

And going by the headlines in newspapers and strewn all over the internet, it is pretty clear to me that once again, Charlotte is the victim. She is being called the Feminazi and isn't being supported by her own gender. If a woman feels insulted, do we question her - worse, even as women or do we support her? If a man chose to inappropriately express himself being fully aware of it being so, what are we doing by judging her? Should we target her with public shaming and silence all other women who may feel offended in the future but choose to endure it silently because we will not support her? Or should we strengthen one voice that had the courage to speak up against what she felt was sexist?

The ball is in your court! 

Why I don't talk about my periods!

When I first came across this website called Menstrupedia which encouraged talking about periods, I found it very odd! I wondered why would a bunch of women sit around and talk about periods! We know this stuff and that’s about it. But the more I explored the site, the more I came to know about the initiative started by Aditi Gupta to educate girls about this hushed up phenomenon which women go through in silence every month. I realised that there was a huge population of girls who have no idea about periods and hence face health issues due to ignorance. Menstrupedia made sure that they went around to smaller cities and villages and spoke about period related issues, educating girls and women. Their initiative is to inform women about what they go through and what are the best ways to manage periods considering a majority doesn’t have access to hygiene products. 

I accept that awareness is important and girls should not suffer because of some outdated notions that periods are unholy or impure. But I don’t understand the unnecessary compulsive need to talk about periods. Yes, considering it a taboo and asking girls to hide it is wrong. Teaching girls to be ashamed of it or of being a girl is wrong. But apart from raising awareness where it is required, I don’t see what is this primal urge to go out of the way and force it on people’s attention. Such things will not kill the taboo but make people crinkle their noses and look away anyways. No, I don’t talk about my periods. I don’t go out of my way to talk about it. I don’t hide it either.

Well! You must be wondering why am I talking about periods then. What forced me to just sit and down and write all this is the valiant deed of a Ms. Kiran Gandhi who is being applauded for running freely with period blood running down her legs. I am sorry if that was too graphic for you. But the world is celebrating this as a triumph for breaking period taboos. How? I don’t know. Going back to where it all started - Ms. Gandhi trained for the marathon for a year and got her periods just the night before the marathon. Kiran, who would otherwise respond like any other girl to a period, “decides to bleed freely and just run”. How is that empowering women or helping them express freely is beyond me. 

Kiran Gandhi (Center) (Photo Courtesy)

The feat has had its fair share of media coverage. Cosmopolitan seems to be one of the first magazines to interview the brave lady. And the questions as you can see are as inane as they can get. Case in point - question 2! 

Some of the responses on Twitter have been:

Kiran Gandhi brings awareness for women who don’t have access to female hygiene products. (Err...aren’t those women already aware that they WILL stain their clothes if they use no protection?)

Many people think periods are gross. Kiran Gandhi tried to raise awareness about that. (Err.. So is the sight of a woman walking around in bloody, stained pants un-gross and beautiful?)

While the Twitter world has not been its usual boisterous self over the Gandhi issue, a few months ago in March 2015, there was a furore over Instagram taking down graphic pictures of periods (use your discretion to view the pictures) posted by Rupi Kaur. The pictures were taken as part of her project to demystify periods. Rupi Kaur shot back a response to the service provider and re-posted her pictures. The story had gained popularity by then and Instagram chose not to take them down again. This was celebrated as a triumph of their project and the right of women to talk about periods. How do pictures of stains and period blood in the commode achieve that is, again, beyond me! 

Both these people, and many like them, believe that presenting periods graphically before the world will raise awareness and debunk myths around the concept. My question, and my problem with the whole thing is, why talk about it just for the heck of it? Just to prove that you are free to talk about it? An even bigger problem is the defence behind the act -  periods are a natural bodily function and hence it should be ok to talk about it and post pictures of it. Agreed! Going by that logic, so are peeing, shitting and sex. (Err..I think something as natural as people having sex, also known as porn, was recently banned in India.) We should talk about all that freely, announce to the world when we go to shit  and post pictures of poop once we are back. And while we are at it, why don’t we start posting pictures of blood stained napkins! Should shatter the mystery once and for all! For everyone! 

I stand my ground of not making a big deal of something that isn’t a big deal. And creating a hullabaloo over it with imbecile theatrics like this doesn’t help the cause. If you want to raise awareness and demystify periods, make it a normal thing to talk about it in your own house. Include men in it. Get every woman to believe that it is normal to talk about it. Tell your sons that it is not gross. Teach them how to be supportive to a woman, any woman, at that time. You want to demystify it? Join a movement like Menstrupedia and demystify it for those poor, hapless girls and women who have no access to information and consider periods a mystery indeed. You want to contribute to the cause? Donate money to organisations like Goonj which make eco-friendly, affordable sanitary napkins for the economically backward women of the country. Unless, your actions have real implications for real people, it’s all a sham. And I think it makes no sense either! 

I'd love to hear what you think about this. Drop me a line here or hit me on Twitter at @Suman_Kher. Let's talk! :)

Why I hate road trips

Road trips don't make me happy! (Photo Courtesy)

Road trips have a connotation of being romantic, bohemian and what not. Pack your bags, dump it in the boot (or strap it to your bike), enjoy the scenery and drive into the horizon! Ah! Lovely picture! But now coming to reality. Ask me and I’ll say road trips are over rated and I hate them. And before I hear a chorus of dissenting voices, hear me out! I am entitled to my opinion, right? :) So here’s what I think. 

Let’s start with advantages of traveling by road:

1. No schedules to adhere to. The biggest advantage of traveling on your own by road is you can start or stop when you like. There are only self-made schedules - no reporting 60 minutes prior to departure time. 

2. There is no weight limit for the luggage. You can carry as much as your car boot has space in it. And can be unplanned too. I have dumped stuff in shopping bags and thrown inside the car. It’s my car, who cares! 

3. You don’t need a local taxi. Your site seeing transport is taken care of in your own vehicle. You don’t have a driver waiting for you with his meter on. If you wish to take it easy, saunter out of your room at 6pm for all your care. My vacation, who cares! 

Okay! I can’t think of any more reasons why road travel is good. So, I am moving on to the actual idea of why I am writing this post. 

Why I hate road travel?

1. I can’t drive: Driving for hours is for people who love driving or companions of drivers who love, well, just sitting there. I am of neither category. So my only choice to sit for hours strapped to my seat. This is exactly what I am not good at - sitting in one place and not being able to move around. I could look out of the window and enjoy nature! Since some places are accessible only by road, I have seen the hills, the meadows, the sunset and sunshine and the rest of it in between. So there isn’t much entertainment in doing that too. I could read in the car (yess!) at one time and that kept me going. But I get motion sickness just sitting in the moving car now, so that’s not possible. I can listen to music but for how long? Most importantly, I am a destination person than a journey person. So it isn’t fun for me to be going through a journey for hours.  So, yeah! It’s boring to travel by road.

2. No schedules to adhere to: In our case, this is also a disadvantage. We are bad at making self made schedules and usually end up driving after dark which pisses me off. And since I am not in control of the steering wheel (You just read why), it irks me. It’s always harder to sit next to the driver and watch him negotiate dangerous turns on the dark or drive through heavy rain than actually doing it. It just adds to me stress levels. And let's agree, it's plain dangerous!

3. Loo problem: This is probably my biggest issue with road travel. Women don’t have the anatomical advantage that men do and hence one has to just wait till the next decent place where you hope you will find a decent loo! I stop having liquids hours before travel. I still have to go on the way. And I am dehydrated by the time I get to the destination.

4. Why drive, if you can fly: Most people don’t agree with this concept, but I don’t see why would you want to drive for 10 hrs to say, Goa when you can fly in an hour! And party the rest of the time in Goa! You may party on the way but only when you have a group (which I don’t). Maybe one time to enjoy the view but then why do that every time? And to every other place that can be reached through other modes of transport that have a loo built into them?

I think my views are valid because I have traveled quite a bit and haven’t based my views on trips few and far between. Drop me a line and tell me what you think about road travel. You can also tweet to me on @Suman_Kher. I’d love to hear from you! 

TEDxGatewayWomen: A day with inspiring women

Writing about TEDxGatewayWomen is a great way to relive the awesome albeit very humid afternoon in Mumbai. When I first ran into a tweet about the event, I booked my seat right away in the early bird slot. I have always wanted to attend a TED event and TEDx is a great start to begin with. And there is something about the phrase "all women" which has even more women throng to such an event. I guess even when we believe the world has become more liberal with women, the opportunities we get are still less compared to the number of men around. And this being no less than the first TEDx event with only women speakers made it more momentous and I wanted to be a part of it.

So once I had my ticket, the only thing left to do is wait for the day with excitement. And gloat to others about what I was going to witness. I also planned to drape a saree to add to the celebration of the event for women. And I deserve no less than a President's medal for the feat in the humid, sultry weather of Mumbai on a May mid morning. It's not as much a pain to drape it but as the drill of figuring out the combination that still fits and ironing the 5 yard fabric to ensure that perfect drape. (And doing it last minute due to busy schedules adds to the stress) But I had planned to do it and I just had to go through with it. And it was worth it when I found so many other women turning up in a saree! Small victory!

As I reached the NCPA entrance, I could see the registration desks lined in the order of our registration numbers. I got in line only to realise when I reached the front that I wasn't carrying a photo id, which I thought I was. But much to my relief, the lady said I could also show her an online version from an email or Google Drive. And that saved my day! Phew! :)

There was also one more reason why I was looking forward to the event. This was a chance to reunite with my friends from Social Media Week held in Bangalore earlier this year. Even though I wasn't officially on the social media team for this event, I did assist during chats and promotions. And all of us getting together is no less than a celebration by itself since we all get along like a house on fire! After catching up with them at the social media desk, I grabbed a bite and proceeded to the auditorium. And it was a packed house!

A full house Photo Courtesy: Sandeep Ohri

Even though the majority were women, it was heartening to see that men also had turned up for the event. The host was Sonam Kalra and it was a goosebumpy moment when she introduced the first speaker - the first woman Chief Justice of the country - Leila Seth! I think she is awe inspiring for many reasons. She broke the mould in a male bastion when no one spoke of women's liberation. The extent of determination and power she has packed in her diminutive frame is incredible! And she just seems to have refused to give in to age, leading an active life, writing books and speaking at events just like it was normal thing to do at her age.

Each talk was moving, every story full of passion, each woman having gone through struggle and emerged triumphant. Each story was eye opening to an aspect one did not know. While Ms. Seth set the tone of the event talking about the right of women in the ancestral property, Deepika Bhardwaj chose to speak up for the rights of men! Ananda advised us to try and successfully straddle the two worlds of work and passion and urged women to follow our passion and not letting mundane duties of life pull us down. Chetna Gala Sinha's Cattle camp where life is born and preserved was an eye opening, inspiring talk. So passionate was she about her cause that she had tears in her eyes by the time she finished! Natalie took the audience by pleasant surprise with her mellifluous voice and her track record in Bollywood which most of us were unaware of. Upasana Makati set us all thinking about how life must be for the visually challenged since most of our systems don't support braille. And I think it is a pretty path breaking idea to have a magazine for them. They showed a video about the power of being able to read stories written in braille for blind children who are otherwise bereaved of the joy normal children have everyday.

The inspirational speakers, each with her unique story!

And there was also the talk I waited for - By Aditi Gupta of Menstrupedia. Also got a selfie with her and her mother!

Aditi Gupta, with her mother at TEDxGateway Women

And after such an inspiring day, the bonus was to spend the rest of the evening with friends.

The Social Media team for TEDXGateway Women in Mumbai

The best thing about TED is the beauty of its concept - ideas worth spreading. By having others share the unique ideas they have explored and experiences that have helped them become who they are, it encourages all of us to break our barriers and go a bit further in exploring our ideas and make them worth sharing someday. It's hard to pick the best talk since each one was one of its own kind. Looking forward to many more such events that add a new meaning to our lives.