#BarAThon Day 1: Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

From taking up the blogging challenge in November last year, I know that sometimes it takes a challenge to kick us into action. I've had a bad day and there's less than an hour left for the Day 1 deadline of this challenge to be over. But somehow here I am hacking away at the keyboard because I just want to be a part of a challenge. A quick research just now revealed that most people participating in the marathon have already finished their posts and shared them. But there's still time and here I am!

This post will reveal itself as I write it since I have no plan for this post and I think spontaneous ideas work the best at times. Despite being tired, the very act of typing on the keyboard feels soothing. This is strange in itself because we all have gone through the sinking feeling of an empty page staring back at us and our fingers don't know what to type. Stranger than fiction - a phrase that has immense possibilities. Fiction has the power to be anything. Dinosaurs can be purple and 11 year olds can be wizards. Then what can be stranger than fiction? What can be so unpredictable that it can beat the myriad hues fiction can be written in? It is supposed to be 'truth' but to me it's real life.

While we confuse a lot of fiction as truth, life trumps all. A few things that come to my mind are things that I have encountered often in my life. It's as if people expect some piece of fiction to be the truth of everyone's life. One such thing is the concept of "living happily ever after" or a "perfect couple". To me, both these are figments of someone's imagination that popular culture ran away with. Working on relationships or life goals is an ongoing process, one that is full of ups and downs and involves sweat and blood. And though the fiction that everything has a happy ending sounds so inspiring, the strange truth is it won't. And I think that's what keeps the challenge going. Imagine meeting the love of your life and that's the end of your purpose in life. Or being with someone who is exactly like you. Striving to reach new goals and accommodating someone imperfect in your life is what keeps the spice up in life.

I have a couple more but I am asked to keep the posts short. I hope this made some sense to you all. Looking forward to your responses and encouragement to keep this going.

This post is a part of a 7 day blogging challenge by BAR where I will be writing on a new prompt every day.

The Weekend I Was Compelled To Do Nothing

What is your break time activity? (Photo credit)

How many times do we check our phone in a day? And how many times is that an unconscious, almost a reflex action? Imagine if the very act of looking into the screen and trying to read a message made your head spin that you just had to give up? Sounds funny, right? But that's how I spent the last weekend and a couple of more days - couldn't look at the phone for 2 and limited use for the rest. My laptop lay forgotten for almost 3 days. I suffer from Vertigo usually when I travel to places at an altitude. But since I hadn't done that in the recent past, I was surprised on feeling dizzy. looking back, I recalled that I had it once last year due to lack of proper sleep too. But that also wasn't the case this time. The only think I could pin it down to was the extreme humidity in which I was out for meetings and other work the previous week. And the resulting dehydration.

While I did take it casually when it started on Friday, I had to pay the price for it during the weekend. Browsing on my cellphone - which is usually my all-time, any-where activity wasn't possible. What next? Watch a movie? Manageable but that made me dizzy in a few minutes. All I could do was prop myself on pillows and stare at the ceiling or close my eyes. (Lying down was impossible because of dizziness).

So what happens when we are forced to do nothing? Our mind wanders! And for obvious reasons, my mind started grappling with this unusual, unfamiliar state of doing nothing. Not even idly fiddle with my phone! And I started thinking about the last time I was doing nothing - like this? I couldn't come up with an answer for as long back as I could jog my memory. It's usually the frenzied pace of work - blogging (3 posts a week on some lucky weeks), social media, reading (definitely trying to at least), trainings, meetings, business plans, re-planning of plans that don't work, networking events or the frenetic activities of personal life - laundry, cleaning, cooking, bills, running errands, working out and the biggest part of my life - making to-do lists! I realised how much at ransom I was being held by these lists. I even have some for the weekend - household chores to take care of or errands to run - before manic Monday starts all over again.

With all these thoughts going around in my mind, I realised that when we forget to take breaks, nature ensures that we slow down. It always has a way of telling our body and mind that it's time to restore some balance. I don't think I'd have spent my weekend and a couple of weekdays in bed if I wasn't forced to. I slept like I haven't in a long time. It was the oddest feeling to be napping on a tuesday afternoon! Moral of the story: I think we should just take time off before we get carried away doing more than we can handle and things come to a standstill.

One day in a week when we won't even worry about laundry (chore on my weekend too) or grocery shopping. Set out a day to take care of ourselves. Pause the worries and the never ending list of tasks on our To-dos. My sister used to do this on her weekly off years ago - she'd soak her feet in warm water while applying a face pack. Some times, it used to hair pampering. She'd give herself those few hours away from the frenetic pace of every day life. I think it's a great way to take time out.

A day in a week - maybe most of the weekend - put away my list of tasks and take it easy. Not that I believe in digital detox but being away from the phone would make time for a lot of other things that I enjoy. Catch up with reading, colouring or my puzzle book. Things that I struggle to do on work days. And the guilt of not being able to do it only adds to the stress.

I've made my plans for my break time so that I don't have to take forced time out. Stop for a minute and ponder what is the guilty pleasure you'd like to indulge in on a day away from your usually crazy life. What are things that you'd love to find time for - working out, swimming, catching up with friends, learning an instrument? What is going to be your break time activity? Share it with my in your comments. I'd love to know your favourites. Maybe, I'll find something new to add to my list!

The wonderful year that was!

A beautiful start to the new year!

Why is the time around new year so hard? Is it the pressure of another year gone by? Is it the hype of the year yet to come? Is it the compulsion to make new beginnings? Is it the regret of not having achieved goals set for the year? Is it the fear of hope and disappointment playing out in my life yet another year?

I have always struggled with new years. Try as much as I do, I haven’t been able to look at January as just another month that comes after December. Just like June comes after July. I have dreaded the beginning of new years and written them off as another bad ones in the first 2 months. On analysis I realized why. I have expected each year to bring about an unprecedented transformation in my life fulfilling all my pending goals. In one annual sweeping shot! Wrong ideal to presume, right? 

Also, the hype created around the new year is actually hard to miss. You are compelled to flow with the spirit and make resolutions. You can’t go on with your work when any one you look at wants to know what are your plans for 31st. You just can’t pretend that it’s no big deal. (And I hate the hype about any festival/occasion)

But this year, it’s not been as hard as it has been all these years. It used to be much harder. In hindsight, I realize that the trepidation was due to all the ambitious expectations I mentioned before. Do I still expect all those things and still fear failure? Yes. But it isn’t as bad. I tried to figure this out as well and the findings are quite encouraging.  

I think we all grow up and learn to cope with things. I think I have learnt to manage the whole expectations bit. After the shitty year it’s been with two major life goals going for a heart-breaking toss, I have accepted that some things take time. And happen only if they are meant to be. My anxiety doesn’t help. And I guess once we go through enough shit in life, we just develop serenity and patience after a point. 

And age is not just a number. I am a lot calmer than I used to be even a few years ago. This year, particularly, I discovered a new me! Someone more confident, more sure, more in control of my thoughts (not situations, yet) with a never before devil-may-care attitude. I took up projects and patiently saw them through. I met people online, made friends with them and just followed my instincts about it. I stumbled upon this person inside me who looked afresh at me and discovered I am person in my own right. No strings attached. 

And all this surprised me because I had written off the rest of my life as a predictable, humdrum one. I thought I had crossed all important milestones the ones awaited would arrive in their own time. But life has wondrous ways of surprising us. We change from decade to decade and I guess I just happened to change as a person and found that it’s not “that’s it” in my life, yet! There’s a lot of adventure left to explore, a lot more to come. 

The most important lesson I learnt this year is to appreciate what I have. I wasted all these years pining for what I did not have/get. At least not yet. I have realised that everyone has their own share of what each one gets. Some people will kill for what I have. And I have just been looking at others and hoping to get what’s on their plate without looking at the bounty I have been blessed with. Again, happiness is just a matter of perspective I guess. And what’s amazing to me is finding this state of bliss and happiness despite all the goals I have been waiting for still being out of reach.  

Bring it on, new year! I am prepared. Good, bad - all in a day’s work. It’s foolish to start with resolutions. Goals are more like my thing. I set up goals last year - to read more books and blog more often - and it worked for me. I have goals for next year - realistic ones - and I can aim at achieving them. I am no longer scared of the future like I used to be. I always worried about looking back and regretting that I did not live life right. But I think I have lived long enough to know that if you do your present right, you won’t regret the future. And even if all’s not well in the present, it will get better in the future.

How has your year been? Take time out and ponder over the blessings you got this year. I am sure you can dig out some light amidst the evident darkness. Feel free to share your experiences in the comments below. 

Photo credit

Do you have the right to end your life?

Birth - we can't choose to be born. Death - we don't know when we will die. 

Or do we?

Some people presume that they can decide when and how they will die. And this presumption is called committing suicide. Some prove it right. Some fail to. Either ways, I think the episode is traumatic and scarring.

In the last one year of my life, I have been an unwilling participant in 2 such incidents. One successful, the other, a failure. Forced into it but I guess shit happens in life and one has got to face it. And sometime in the quiet moments after the storm has seemingly passed, the mind stops to think and ponder. Ponder over a lot of things. So, I guess that's what I am doing right now.

First of all, it is very shocking to come across something like this. (I say this because I have seen people nonchalantly brush it off) Yes, a lot of people commit suicide every single day. Nonetheless it is shocking when it happens to someone around you. I can't imagine the agony of family members when something like this hits them. Fortunately, my experiences did not involve family.

And it is shocking - even if there were signs of the impending doom, however imperceptible! I don't believe anyone would just wake up one morning and hurl themselves off a building or slash their wrists just for the heck of it. Except in the book - The Illicit Happiness of Manu Joseph - where my patience with the author till the end wasn't awarded with a plausible answer.

In my limited experience (which feels like enough to me), the 'contemplating' bit of committing suicide is generally a considerable time. Even months, in some cases. And the hallmark of someone determined to succeed is secrecy. I had read somewhere that people who kept coming back to their therapist/psychologist to complain that they couldn't endure life anymore and wanted to really kill themselves were the ones less likely to actually do it. People who want to really succeed ensure no one can pre-empt and stop them. Depending on how intelligent they are and what resources they have, there is research of some kind involved to explore multiple options and to figure out logistics. Yes, logistics! You wouldn't want to hastily hang yourself from the fan without being sure it'll take your weight. Or not consider the implications of slashing your wrists.

And it is this critical period of contemplation that is also the best for prevention, if anyone is interested. This is the time when the symptoms of what's coming should become discernible to the perceptive. But most of the times, we may have an inkling but we can't think of a lot of things to do. We are all busy with our lives and obviously can't shadow someone day in and day out unless the person is permanently shifted into a crowded family. And not many want to be saddled with the burden.

People who succeed, congratulations! But they leave behind a mammoth wave grief, guilt and emotional devastation for the survivors. But God bless your soul.

And people who fail - congratulations to you too! Welcome to your own guilt trip! You've just added to the list of failures which led you on to something like this in the first place. I don't know if you prepared for this eventuality. I don't know if you thought of the horror your own people would go through when they discover you half dead gasping for breath. But congratulations! You managed to give your loved ones an experience they will never forget in a lifetime!

You will now get the attention you did not ask for before you took the step. Everyone who knows you will now take turns and sit with you to ensure you don't jump out of the window. They will all ensure that they bear the additional responsibility of rehabilitation since no one likes to see their loved ones have a bad life.

I have always wondered what goes on in the mind of someone who decides to harm himself/herself to the extent that it ends their life. Is it utter hopelessness that they feel doing this to themselves is the ONLY thing possible to do? Or a moment of unreasonable passion that they don't realise what they are doing? I will confess that a lot of times, especially in the last one year, I felt so frustrated that I just wanted to end my life. Angry times when I thought I could have just hurled myself from a building. But then, I realise that it's just a thought. I never really looked down a building to gauge the height. I guess all of us have bad times when we just want to give up. But where do people find the courage to go the whole hog. Or is it weakness?

I find it highly disturbing when I come across such people. I don't think anyone has the right to end their life - NO MATTER WHAT!! Life is not perfect. All of us have troubles. All of us go through tough times. Sometimes hopeless times. But if we all resort to something like this, we wouldn't need disease and wars. We would be a community of losers and Earth would be a sad place to be born in.

Anyone feeling hopeless should remind themselves that bad times pass. Every problem has a solution. The triumph of overcoming challenges in life will be much more satisfying than the ignominy of having failed to end your life. If you are unable to take charge, reach out. And you'll be surprised at how responsive people are with help.

We can do something with a little faith, nothing without it - goes a saying. So have a little faith. The tide is about to turn.