Day 1: Why Are Indians Unfriendly?

This family from England saw me sitting by myself for my meal and invited me to join them

Probably not a great topic for Day 1 of the blogging challenge. But I have decided to dip into my ideas bank and this is it for today! :) This post is based on an experience during my solo travel to Chokhi Dhani earlier this year. A solo trip is unique in a lot of ways since there's no one to take your4 pictures or share your thoughts with. It's all about being with yourself and soaking in the experience.

While I was going around the village, a group - of what seemed like 2 newly-wed couples - approached me with a canon camera and requested me to take a picture. Selfies, of course, aren't possible, on traditional cameras. They wanted the grand entrance to the shopping area in the frame of the picture. I did the needful and we went our separate ways.

After I had gone around the village, I went to the restaurant I had chosen for dinner. It was a traditional, sit-down fare with tons of food. It did feel a little odd for me to be sitting on my own - more so since I seemed to have arrived quite early and was the only one in the restaurant at that time. Thankfully, in another few minutes, more people started to arrive. And who do I see - the same couples I clicked photos for 30 minutes ago. Now, when you are alone and feeling odd about it, there is no bigger relief than to see familiar faces. But I was soon disappointed since far from even acknowledging me with a nod, they took their seats in the row opposite to me like they had never seen me before.

Next to arrive was this family, evidently from their looks and accent, from a different country. They took the seats in the far corner to my right. I was just being served the accompaniments to main meal while everyone arrived. A minute or two later, the younger girl from the family came down to me and asked me if i'd like to join them for dinner. It was so nice to be able to join a group and have someone to talk to. I came to know that the family lived in England and the father had traveled quite a bit to Mumbai on work - information that came out when I told them that I lived in Mumbai. The wonderful company did add to the great experience of the sumptuous meal.

We walked out together and when I thought we'd go our ways, we started talking about this and that. The village had bonfires everywhere by then since this was january and almost 10pm. The girl and I sat next to a bonfire and got talking. The parents went for a walk on their own. I wonder even today what made her open up to me - a stranger - about her fears and dreams. She was just 22 and was back to living with her parents after college trying to decide what to do next. She wondered how she'd know if the right guy came into her life. Or whether she should trust her parents to find her someone. I told her my story of getting married to someone outside my community - not knowing if that'd help resolve her dilemmas. She changed the topic just as her parents came back from their walk, obviously not wanting them to know that she had been discussing personal stuff with a stranger. Maybe.

I am surprised at the clarity with which I still remember the whole incident. I think the fact that some strangers were nice enough to invite me over to share a meal was quite touching. In stark contrast to the behaviour of people I had just spoken to and yet cold shouldered by. That set me thinking. Indians aren't the most friendly people. You may find this view quite contradictory to what I hate about the US. But I guess our lack of basic courtesy is glaring compared to people of some other countries who'll wave a hello to strangers in an elevator. I used to find this quite amusing when I started traveling abroad and had people smile at me or wish me good morning just in a hotel lobby!

I am very aware that we are not a socially adept country. We, among other things, stare, we ask probing questions, we don't respect time, we litter and have issues following even a simple concepts like queues and traffic rules. We are not very trusting of others and so not very friendly either. If someone offers us help, we just assume there is a catch. And that's reasonable since we are too many people jostling for limited space and opportunities. And it is not possible for us to transform ourselves over night. But I think if there is one thing we can start with is to be more courteous to people around us. And a great start would be to smile at people. And I am saying this from personal experience. I can't remember the number of times I've had people stare at me rudely at supermarket lines, waiting to cross the road or just at a queue in the mall. Would it be too much to just smile since we belong to the same species and currently co-inhabit the same space? I have seen employees of cafes smile back at me because I smiled first. And I think that is the least we could do for the service we receive (or even not receive at times). Cliched but true - a smile is most certainly a crooked line that can set a lot of things straight.

What do you think? Have you had similar experiences with people in our country or abroad? I'd love to hear your views on this post. Waiting for your comments!

This post is a part of #NaBloPoMo hosted by BlogHer where I will write one post everyday this month.

Ogling - the favourite Indian pastime!

Ever felt a dozen eyes scan you from top to bottom as you step amidst people? You consciously glance at your well covered self wondering nothing seems to be evidently wrong with you. Yet stares, sometimes not so stealthy, keep coming back to settle on you. Don’t worry, you just experienced the favourite Indian pastime - ogling. Indians don’t mind staring at anyone. New neighbours, humans on transit systems, folks walking on the street, mortals in movie-theatres waiting to get inside the hall, persons standing in check-out queues of supermarkets, masses out for a walk in the park.....anyone at all. i suspect the ogling is more generous when the individual happens to be of the fairer sex (feminists excuse!). Being one, i go through it all the time. Even while passing through the street outside my house where i should no longer be a subject of study to the denizens around. But we are Indian and we Stare....just like that.

i always suspected we had this uncanny habit of making others feel uneasy with our unwelcome gaze. i found ample evidence to prove it exists amply in us when i began travelling by the Delhi Metro. i, more often than not, encountered stares as i entered the the train. The passengers already seated (and standing) seem to a find a new object for their goggling pleasure. i decided to check out the reaction of people around to others who got into the train after me. And Bingo!! No one's spared. We are Indian and we Stare....just like that.

All decency is thrown to the wind as a visual treat in the form of a girl in her mini-skirt walks in to the train just after her class at some Air hostess training center!

The habit comes back to haunt you and you realise how rude it could be when you go to countries where staring is not the national pastime. In a local metro train in Paris, i myself looking around at people in general. As a couple of them looked back i realised my looks might seem invasive to them. I wasn’t in saddi dilli where i could give free reign to my eyeballs!!

Uninvited looks, forget intrusive ones, can be quite rude in most countries of the world. A little experiment a la delhi metro in trains abroad surprised me that people don’t even normally look up to see who’s got into the train or who’s sitting in the next table at the restaurant. While travelling, they prefer to either read books or direct their stares at objects that wouldn’t mind it!! How many do we find reading on our transit systems? We’d rather indulge in visual gossip and make people conscious!!