Reading update for 2024

I have read 52 books so far this year. Which seems like a lot but it's okay I guess. I was on a sabbatical so the rate of reading should have been faster. But brain fog screwed everything up. There were times when I could not make sense of the words on a page. Nothing to worry but non fiction has been a challenging genre to read this year. I have had even 2 sittings to finish one chapter. Whatever work because I ain't giving up reading. That's a part of my identity - I am a reader. (I am not so much interested in any other format of content consumption!)

I am currently reading 3 books in fiction, alternating between each. So it's slow but steady. So no complaints. 

Looking at the best books of the year so far: 

The idea of you by Robinne Lee (Fiction): I read this book twice this year. Once because I always read the book before watching the film. And again, a few months later, because I liked it. I also wrote a blog post wondering why Selene and Hayes couldn't be together after all! 

Eye Liner by Zahra Hankit (non fiction): A fascinating journey into the history of - you guessed it - the eye liner. From the South Indian dance form, Kathakali which uses eye make up to define the kind of character someone is to some African tribes where men use kohl and liner to appear attractive to their future mates. To the modern glamour brands that have repackaged this ancient tool of beauty to make it a part of every woman's kit (also used in queer circles by men)

Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez (non fiction): As the title suggests, the book is about women being invisible in every major study, product testing, drug trials because the world is male and everything that happens has a male bias to it. It was so depressing to read it beyind a point that I am yet to finish the last part. Depsite how far we seem to have come, women are missing from studies as recent as 2016. There is no data collected about them hence there is no way to make life better for them! 

Grit by Angela Duckworth (Non-fiction): This was the most eye- opening book of the year. While there are tons of books on emotions, intelligence and habits, grit is rarely spoken about. The book gives us an insight into what grit is and how and why it is so important for success in life. Even this is probably the only pioneering book on the topic, research is still on. Grit is the ability to stick to something for a really long time without giving up. That needs a lot of strength and consistency. Teaching children grit is especially challenging. Take the grit quiz and see where you on the grit scale. 

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt (Fiction): I read this as part of my read-a-fat-book-a-month project. (I gave up after 2 months since it was getting too much to handle) It's not page turner, as most award winning books tend to be. It's about a painting called The Goldfinch and the impact it has on the protagonist's life. I'm still not sure why the painting was with him all his life but then I guess the award was given to the book for creating this rich tapestry of life in it's era, spanning the time of the protagonist's life. 

Paradox of choice by Barry Schwartz (Non fiction): I finally read it this year after having it on my list for years. The paradox is simply that the more choice you have the harder it becomes for us to choose. The book feels slow after a point because it covers choice in such a wide variety of areas and fields. With the brain fog, it was a challenge to keep through the chapters. 

Mindset by Carol Dweck: Another path breaking and pioneering book in its field - and on my list for a long time. This book simply is about the fixed and growth mindset and covers its impact on various fields and aspects of our life. This one is as detailed on the topic as choice one is on its. But it was fascinating to read how growth mindset - the belief that working hard on something can help you get better as opposed to the belief that we are born with fixed capabilities - leads to success in the ling term.

Right now I am back on the CoHo horse with It Ends With Us and it's sequel. I am also back on the Taylor Jenkins ride after Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo last year. 

Did not finish

This year also saw unprecedented number of DNFs. Maybe with growing age I do not believe in sticking to a book that I positively don't like. And I don't mind abandoning it mid way. Some of the books include Sylvia Plath's only novel, The Bell Jar (too bleak with mental health triggers), Confessions of a 40-something F*** up by Alexandra Potter (too cliche), The Dead Romantics by Ashley Poston (too slow), How to argue with a cat by Jay Heinrichs (made no sense to have a cat in it!) There is still hope that I might go back and finish some of them but they are DNFs for this year. 

Fan fiction 

This is a new genre that I discovered this year. When I heard about fanfics the first time after the Fifty shades popularity, I was like why would I want to read what the readers have written. But as with YR that made me try different things to stay connected to the series, fanfics was another thing that I tried. And boy! Was I surprised and still am! Initially I wondered how one could imagine the characters in non canon AUs and still have it credible. But...but the ones I have read have been so well written that I am surprised none of these are published writers! I have read book length fanfics and promptly added them to my books list. What counts as reading is an evolving concept and anything book length - like ebooks or audio books (or fanfics) - has to count as a book. For now, I can't have enough of the genre. They are well written, easy to read and my brain fog addled mind loves reading them just to have something to read! 

There are 2 more months to go and let's see how that pans out. I've already mentioned a few books that are lined up. Maybe I'll be back with a year end update with my most favourite fic and non-fic books. 

What I Learnt From Writing Everyday

What I learnt from writing 21984 words in a month. Correction: Tried to write everyday. 

First of all, why did I want to write - and specifically a thousand words? I have always missed my blogging days when I wrote on everything under the sun. But when I jumped full time into work blogging in 2014, writing for personal reasons took a back seat. And got totally phased out from 2018 when all my content became about work. I really missed blogging/writing about life, for life and not just work. Writing for myself in my words and not dumb it down for the online reading habits of the readers. I don't care if anyone reads it or not. Just the joy if writing it is enough. 

Plus don't they say, if you want to get better at something, you need to work on it. This is my way of working on my craft of writing. I may feel like my writing is crap at the beginning but I am sure it'll get better and more comfortable as I write. Like I couldn't even do a sit up at some point, but sticking through the bad times gets me complete a whole 10 min ab routine now. I am hoping the same results for my writing. I want to be able to write well professionally and not just work related swill that I am forced to write most of the times. I have other things to talk about too. 

I chose to write 1000 words because 500 seemed too less and what's a goal unless it's challenging! And I think 1000 words turned out to be perfect because that gives enough room to properly deal with a topic. 500 would be too less. So I am glad I chose the more challenging number to motivate myself to get back to writing. 

Discipline

One of the hardest things to develop is the discipline of writing every day. I thought I'll begin my day at 12, getting on my work desk and hacking out the writing for the day. But since my sabbatical, I haven't had the discipline to get to work and open my laptop. So that hasn't happened. In fact, I remember it only after I have worked out for the day and it becomes the last activity before dinner. 

It works because I have that free spot between my workout and serving dinner. Although there is just enough time to hack out 1000 words. Which is good because it leaves no scope for distractions. So the moral is, like working out, I need to set a time for writing and make it sacrosanct. When something needs to get done on a daily basis, the best thing is to put a reminder for the same time and get it done to ensure it doesn't skip my mind like it did most days (and that's why it got done in the last available slot of the day) 

Ideas

The only thing harder than getting into the discipline of writing every day is the problem of ideas - what to write. I did start making a list of ideas when I thought os starting this challenge, but there weren't many to begin with. Another way to come up with ideas is to read a lot - apart from books, I haven't been great at eclectic reading - another thing that I am trying to change. By reading articles on Medium and learning to go down the rabbit hole on the platform. 

I’d pull something out of my every day life (or see the list of ideas I jotted) and it worked most of the times. Sometimes I hit a 1000 words without even trying, other days I couldn't go beyond 900+ something. But that's okay. The idea was to write quality and not just add words with no meaning just to reach the word limit. 

The tally

I managed 21/31 days and 10 days seems like a lot to miss on a daily challenge. But I don’t know if this is good or bad because I’m not competing or comparing myself with any others. I wanted this to be a fun journey so I didn’t force myself on the days I skipped for lack of ideas. But the days I forgot can be planned better since that just shows that writing has still not become a part of my daily routine. But then it's a new month and yet another opportunity to do things better. 

The experience 

It's been lovely to write about stuff that's not work related. The freedom I felt in my writing when I started the sabbatical is back. I have thoughts and ideas apart from just work. And that's exactly why I wanted to express through this project. It was great to reach the word limit most of the times, without much effort. I didn’t even know I had so many things to say on the topic. At other times, I couldn't hit 1000 and I knew I wouldn't. But it was great to be able to talk about myriad topics. To use words that describe life and perspectives around it. Talk about my identity and the evolution of it. 

It feels like how I described it it to someone - like my heart hardened by number and sales projections had melted with creativity, relearning the language of a non-entrepreneur. 

While it is still an uphill task to come up with topics and hack out 1000 words every day, I am sure sticking to it till it becomes a habit and the habit becomes second nature will make ie easier. The complementary habit that I need to develop is to read regularly. That's a great way to come up with ideas to write on. One step at a time, I guess!

The goal for this month is also to start polishing some of these pieces and post them on my new account on Medium. Build a new presence there that reflects my current self. Follow me there? I'll keep you updated! 

The Art Of Acceptance

What do we want the most in life? From ourselves and from others. From society, friends and most importantly, family. Acceptance - the way we are and who we are. 

It could help to begin with self-acceptance. Do we accept who we are. As women, society tells us that we are never enough. Actually, that bias may be gender neutral. But I feel the pressure is more on women. 

Parents

As children, the first people we crave acceptance is from our parents. Studies show that even babies who are a few days/months old can make out if that have their parents' acceptance. That's how important being accepted by people who birthed us is. And ironically that's what's hard to come by in life. I am not a parent so I don't know why parents find it hard to accept the way their kids are and not judge them for who they turned out to be. This is a constant tussle even though we were obedient kids with no personal/social life whatsoever. And still acceptance was hard to come by. 

When people want to come out, the first challenge that comes to mind is what their parents will think. Will they accept their identity/sexuality. That's something that can create life-long rifts because parents are unable to accept something they did not expect their kid to be - straight. The society as a challenge comes later. 

We first want the freedom to be who we are in our own homes and that gives us the courage to face the world. If parents were to offer unconditional support, kids can have the self-esteem and the courage to soar high in whatever their dreams are. Nothing is too big and no goal to petty to go for. As people who form our personalities with their encouragement or judgement, parents can make or mar their children. Quite literally. There's a whole book by Carol Dweck, called Mindset, which talks about how the formative years are so crucial in setting our beliefs and how we feel about our capabilities. And guess what! Parents are the conduits for those beliefs. It's all up to them whether we feel out abilities are fixed or we can improve with hard work. 

So yeah! While most eastern parenting is judgemental, western parents are more liberal in letting their children be. I don't know how the acceptance rates differ although I am thinking that letting your children be would mean higher acceptance, logically. 

Siblings

Siblings are the only people who know us right from our childhood (even if not from the time we were born, in the case of older siblings) and they are likely to last as long as we do. Constant companions of a lifetime. Again, parents have a huge role to play in how they raise their children and get them to bond with the siblings. There are understanding siblings who love each other unconditionally. But a lot of times that love isn't enduring. It smacks of parental judgment. And since we grow up together with parallel lives, we need to keep up with how people change as they grow and not be influenced by who they were as kids. That's the mature way to handle things. 

As people who grow together and then go on to lead their own lives, siblings need a lot more understanding about where the others are with respect to their own lives. Appreciating that people who they grew up with can develop a different value system and outlook to life is such an important part of sibling acceptance. Unfortunately, it's hard when one isn't the recipient of that unconditional love from siblings. Even as sisters/brothers, people may not agree and accept their siblings' different ways of looking at life. 

I've been told that I am too blunt and that I should do more for people around me. And this is long after I reached my limit of caring for others. I wish I got the acceptance to live my experiences and be the person that I have become without having to think about what my own family might think about it. I think a lot of that comes from the fact that siblings know us since we were born and expect us to have a similar worldview and their judgement takes on parental hues. 

Friends

I think an important part of why we ares friends with our friends is because they accept our crazy selves the way we are. People who aren't close to us and we just tolerate them may not have our whole acceptance. But still we are no one to judge and people have the right to be who they are. The best gift we can give them as people is to let them be their true selves. 

Spouses

A popular saying goes: Women marry men thinking they will change but they don't and men marry women thinking they wont change but they do. Women are said to want to change men into perfect versions of themselves. Whereas men are happy being themselves except their wives now run the house for them. They have no wish to become the versions their wives envision for them. But the best gift, once again, is to learn accept for who people are. There are compromises in all relationships and one has to be the big person to give room for people to be who they are. Smothering the other with who you want to be is only going to make matters worse. Marriage is hard enough and after siblings, this is the relationship that's going to stick for the rest of our lifetimes. 

The acceptance I have in my marriage makes up for the lack of it from every one else. And I can't thank my lucky starts that I don't have to worry about being judged in my own house. Which in turn has made me less tolerant with people who judge me. I know I am enough and good enough the way I am. As long as how I live isn't hurting anyone, I have the right to live the way I want to. 

So look around you and consider the people who are a part of your life. Let go of your prejudices and expectations of how people should be. How about accommodate them for who they are. Give them the gift is unconditional acceptance! 

What do we want the most in life? Acceptance!