Rains!

Monsoon seems to be finally here in Mumbai. Personally, i don’t see what’s the big deal about monsoon anyway! The only reason I don’t mind rain is because i don’t want my taps to go dry next summer. It's not like i really look forward to it. i also don’t get the whole idea of a romantic walk in the rain with two people huddled under one umbrella. i am pretty sure that cant keep both people dry. Plus your shoes and pants are sure to get wet. i know the Raj-Nargis’ legendary walk in the rain but how many people do you see doing that in real life? Not many! Simply because it is not that fun or romantic actually! Rains are so messy and wet. And in most cities, it is a civic hazard. i had to wade through ankle deep water to make it home from the gym. Finding rickshaws is such a nightmare not to mention the public transport systems become dysfunctional.


i think monsoon is fun for little kids when they are only 2 feet high and about 3 yrs old. This is when you get cute rain coats and cuter baby umbrellas with bunny ears sticking out of them! i saw one such kid dressed in a tiny, pink rain coat that went all the way to the feet. i could only make out that little figure wrapped in pink plastic happily jumping around in the rain! Rain is also fun when you don’t have to worry about traveling to work despite the shower. You can just sit by your window watching the downpour, sipping tea/coffee with the mandatory plate of bhajiya!

It's not just Saif!

There was a national furore over Saif Ali Khan’s boisterous behaviour a couple of months back. The press berated him for being angry and violent. And first of all for having fun noisily. The whole thing apparently started because Saif and his friends were so loud that it interrupted the people at tables around his. i agree that he shouldn’t have gotten violent and the hit the other guy. But being noisy - is it that bad? Aren’t our children left to have fun running around the restaurant making as much noise as they like just so we can have a good time? i can imagine quite a few people righteously shaking their heads in denial because their kids are well mannered!

i feel it’s not just Saif. So we should leave him alone and look around us. You are just as likely to run across noisy kids in any such place. It has nothing to do with being in a local eatery or a classy five star place. Last year, i stepped into a restaurant where the ladies at the table next to where we got seats seemed to have gathered for a kitty party. Thank God, it ended 5 minutes after we sat there. The kids they brought with them were playing a game of running around the pillars trying to catch each other. Going by the ruckus they made, they didn’t seem to mind that it was a restaurant and not a park. They are kids and kids are bound to make noise. But i was totally flabbergasted at the fact that not one of the adults responsible for them tried to control them even once! It was obviously convenient to leave them to entertain themselves no matter how inconvenient it could be for the others.

This was just an average eating joint. i’ve also seen kids running around at a plush 5-star place where you expect the people to be more cultured and understand he purpose of people choosing to be there - a quiet evening together. The whole time we were sitting there, a group of three kids (one of them even had tiny wheels below his canvas shoes!!) literally covered the length and breadth of the restaurant with the guys with wheels chasing around the other kids. And i am sure the parents, who i never got to see, were enjoying their quiet meal at the other corner of the place. And i am guessing that parents and kids have a natural tendency to find each other when it is time to go home at the end of their respective adventures!!

i cant help but draw comparison with the kids in other countries who are taught to sit quietly at the table. I am sure there are brats there too. But they seem to be fewer in number compared to how commonly we come across the opposite here. This could be because the people in general respect the boundaries of social space and I guess kids are taught to do the same.

i just want to wonder aloud - is it really difficult to nurture kids with sensitivity towards others around us? Is is so hard to get them to behave? Do we, as adults, accept this kind of behaviour because this, like everything else, “chalta hai” and who cares? Or is the answer just a shrug with “kids!! You can’t have them stay quiet at will and they will make noise”?

Follow the line, people!

When i shifted to Mumbai, it was pretty amusing to see people follow the queue system diligently as opposed to Delhi where no one bothers. In Mumbai, commuters patiently wait in serpentine queues for buses, taxi, rickshaws and lifts. Even queue up at a wedding to wish the newly wed couple!! Though i found this very funny initially, queuing up makes so much sense to me considering the number of times i have been the victim of queue cutting!

i have had people move ahead of me on several occasions with no regard to the already formed line called a queue. i think its simple social courtesy to acknowledge that someone's been waiting before you arrived and should have the right towards being served first! But surprisingly, no one recognizes that right of others.

It actually has nothing to do with whether a person is educated or not. Once my husband was standing at the billing counter of a movie theater. He was the only one there, so it was pretty evident that he is the one being served. A lady, well dressed and educated-looking, stood parallel to him and passed on a 100 bucks for a can of pepsi. The guy at the counter accepted. When my husband courteously pointed out to her that he was already at the counter, she did not even apologize for for what she did, which wasn’t obviously by mistake! (Since she did look old enough to have grown up kids, my first thought went out for the kind of manners she must have taught them as a parent!!)

Last week, i was at an airline check-in counter in Mumbai. i passed on my ticket copy and id proof to the attendant. i moved a little right to put my baggage on the weighing carousal and another lady coolly took my place in front of the counter. From then on, the attendant had to speak to me past her and pass my id back and the boarding pass while she just moved a few cms to let me take them from the table. Doesn’t that sufficiently indicate that i was being served at the counter and she should not have been standing there in the first place (no pun intended!)?

The worse happens in the ladies loo (in India)! (Yeah, sorry for spilling over the details of what happens in there!!) And it happens so many times that you might think its a norm to queue cut!! The  women who’ll stand at the beginning of the stalls waiting for a vacant one are just a minority. Most will totally ignore a couple of people trying to make a line and walk straight up to the stalls and start trying doors! Hello!!! You think we are standing there to admire the wonder of modern times called a toilet!!! We are here to do our business too and in quite a hurry at times! But how dense can people (yeah, women, in this case) be to not get it!

(i specified India earlier because in other countries the line might extend till outside the door of the toilet, but women will never step beyond the beginning of stalls. Just a respect for the privacy of people in there! And surprisingly Indians, when abroad, seem to gel into the group with no aberrations until they return to their own country!)

Even i was a little lax earlier and didn’t pay too much attention to queues. Some of these experiences have been lessons enough for me not to do something that can be so irritating to others! It seems a petty concern compared to poverty and rape problems but it just shows the level of social manners we have. i think it serious enough that it surprises me that Aamir didn't think of it for one of his episodes!! i know that’s taking it too far but you get the point - follow the queue!!

Saas-Bahu sagas - the true repositories of Indian culture!

It’s sometime after 8pm in the evening. i am engrossed in my favourite saas-bahu saga on TV. The camera a panning alternatively at the faces of saasuma and bahurani, the background score is moving towards a crescendo. The moment is tense as i anxiously wait for what happens next. My husband walks into the room unnoticed and adds his sarcastic comment on the scenario which jolts me back to my drawing room!

At other times in a similar situation, he shrugs dismissively and wonders aloud,  “How do you even watch these programs?” and thus ensues our argument. He’s not interested in ANY of the programs i watch and that’s not fair. Judging any woman who is a fan of saas-bahu serials based on this fact is gross injustice. Women watching them are generally scoffed at as having nothing better to do or a reasonably high IQ. That’s why a lot of people who watch them will not admit the fact!

i don’t understand what is wrong in watching the saas-bahu serials! i am proud of the fact that i follow them diligently. If i can’t watch them live, i painstakingly put the series on record on my Tata Sky Plus (thank god for this great invention of man!) i agree that most programs have a similar look and feel to them but so do most Enid Blyton or Jeffrey Archer books!

i think you need to have exceptional intelligence to peel the onion and appreciate the finer aspects of these programs. i hope after my humble attempt to do so for the reader, you will be able to comprehend how valuable these gems of television actually are!

First of all, these programs are made for the mass consumption of women and women like me who spend loads of time at home. And if we don’t watch them, who else will! Let the men smirk and scoff at our choice of programs but who cares! We do not interrupt when they choose to watch sensational pieces in the garb of news (at dinner time!!!!!). You will soon see what a great idea it is to watch them!

Secondly, these programs are greatly responsible for promoting our national dresses! They have kept sarees and kurtis alive in the public consciousness! Where else can you feast your eyes on such a wholesale parade of Indian attire!! While the real life betis and bahus have shed the 6-yard ensemble, it is these characters who have kept it going. Show me one woman in these shows who isn’t dressed like a true bharatiya naari, pallu dutifully on her head and a mangalsutra running all the way to the tummy! (As if the length of it is directly proportional to how pati vrata she is!!)

i feel the most important contribution of these shows is the portrayal of indian values at their best. When kids of generation Y have only heard stories of so-called joint families, these programs actually depict them in action! All of them have joint families and women of the household cook collectively in the kitchen. (Ask your grand mum and she’ll tell you it was a reality a couple of generations ago!) No matter how opulent the family, it is the bahu raniyan who are seen running around the house fussing over the household chores, just like yesteryears! (No career women here!)

i’ll give you one more reason why saas-bahu shows are the true repositories of Indian culture. They have kept the real status of an indian woman alive! Every woman on the shows is a maa, behan, beti, patni and is never allowed to forget her multiple roles by frequent allusions to it. i mean i am all for the modern career woman but come on we are so much more than just that!! Had it not been for these programs, i would have never realised the host of roles i am!!

Yet another reason why women who watch these shows are better off than those who don’t is these programs are extremely knowledgeable. In these times of kalyug, when women are only career minded, these programs remind them of their real duties! How many times have you heard your in-laws spout sentences like

“Aarti bahu ko ek acchi bahu, yash ki patni aur bachchon ki maa bankar dikhana hoga”
or
“hamare ghar ki bahuein bahar jaakar do paison ke liye naukri nahin kartin”.
Or
“Arre tu us ghar ki beti thi lekin ab tu is ghar ki bahu hai. Tere haath mein is khandaan ki izzat hai”
But these programs have an abundant supply of such advice! i sure feel more responsible as a bahu and patni (and surely later in life an achhi maa also) since i watch them!

So the next time you go bashing about these programs, remember that they are champions of social change and reminders of lost indian values.

Satyamev Jayate - Sure, if Aamir says it!!

Satyamev Jayate! Sure, since Mr. Aamir Khan himself says it! But does it, really?

SMJ started off with a sense of mystery with Aamir on hoardings making people look forward to it. It was given the Sunday morning slot - long forgotten in our childhood - after all it’s an Aamir venture and has to be different! It started off with a topic that would pull the most heart-strings - female infanticide. And the rest, as they say, is history! Aamir, the actor became Aamir, the crusader, the social change agent, the soul that is awakening the others in the country. And the fact that it is an Aamir venture automatically gave it the ‘perfectionist’ credibility and Aamir didn’t have to be work hard for all the buzz generated online. Each episode is packed with views and counter views, interviews, heart rending personal experiences (Indian TV is incomplete without it!) and purported solutions to the social issue - a perfect package like you would expect from Aamir.

If Aamir Khan really really wants to make a difference to the social evils of the country, what justifies the whopping amount he charges per episode? For lending his star status to the program which in turn would lead to sure shot success? 8 episodes later, has the first episode made any difference to the female infanticide rates in the country? Has it made even a minuscule percentage of people change their mind having a baby girl? Has Aamir’s  promised letter to the Rajasthan govt brought all the female infanticide cases on to a fast track court? If there isn’t the slightest change for the better 8 weeks after the episode, the Aamir tag doesn’t seem to have really done the magic!

The counter argument could be that such things take time. Well, they do even when the common man fights them through NGOs and private organizations. Even if we look at the emotional impact of the program, have any of the conservative people changed their mind about love marriages or have parents become more alert to sexual abuse of children? Is even one person in the relevant govt department thinking of making buildings disabled friendly? Is SMJ’s expert team tracking any of these changes?

Personally, SMJ is just another professional assignment for Aamir where he gets to charge his fee to come across as the champion of social causes. As TV viewers, even we don’t care much about the issues discussed. We just want good television on a Sunday morning. We might feel bad about unborn girl babies or the women being hit by their husbands but come Monday, Aamir goes laughing to the bank and we get on with our routine life!

Saddi Dilli - not so much!!

Delhi is home. That’s the first association that comes to mind. Old friends, college, job and a whole lot of nostalgia about all that and loads of other things. It’s like going back in time and living a slice of life then. Trips to Delhi are as much about catching up with the family in the present as it is about walking through the streets of nostalgia. The drive out of the airport is so non-bumpy (in contrast to Mumbai) that i am beaming with happiness already. Taking in the broad roads, swanky infrastructure and the familiar landscape is so “wow, i’m home” feeling! What adds to the feeling is being cautious and suspicious as you should be in Delhi! In fact instructions to come home from the airport begin with ‘carefully’!!

Eating rajma chawal and kadhi chawal. Yum! Snatches of conversation in typical dilliwali hindi in the metro train. A smile and the thought “it’s been so long since i heard that!!” are instant. The aunties dressed over the top. The college dudes imported from Bihar trying to look cool with micromax or nokia headphones in their ears. The common man ogling at women because he is just that - a man! (i notice that and realise this is so common here, unlike Mumbai). Cycle rickshaws. But now I feel pity for them peddling away in the heat!

Friends. Real people i spent time and shared life with. Lots of them that i don’t end up meeting most in one single trip. (there’s just little me and the time-space continuum is too large to cover in a few days i am there!!) i meet some and leave the rest for the next time, whenever that would be!

Taking the old metro route that i used to for office. A visit to Connaught Place to meet a friend and my feet automatically move into my old office- which is changed beyond recognition and the old people gone. But still it’s special for being a place i spent a few years of my life! The feelings are so strong that I have to go round the inner circle (of CP) despite the heat.

Ironically, i also feel like a tourist especially when it comes to the expansive metro routes. i find myself consulting maps at stations because the routes run into each other and meet at multiple points. Also, it is important to pay attention to what i wear. i can’t forget that in saddi dilli it’s the clothes you wear, the car you drive and the size of your house among other things. Trying to get the first one right itself seems taxing, thank god i don’t have to bother about the other two at least!

But a few days into the trip and i miss the familiarity and comfort of my routine life. Music is not playing in the background as it usually is. I can’t watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S at will because I am busy doing other stuff. Internet is not free flow and i am struggling with the internet dongle! (tho there is wireless there too). And there are so many people around in the house including kids running around. Sometimes I don’t belong there. Not like home!

And then it hits me - Mumbai is home! Like Delhi will never be. The comfort zone. The music playing in the background. My own time with my laptop. Just me to decide when to do stuff. The comfort of sleeping in my own bed. The non-pretentious daily life where there are more important things to worry about than what the neighbor wears or drives to work. The feeling of being safe at any time of the night! (My friend in Delhi was worried about me having to travel back home at 7.30pm!!!) Even my body language changes as i wait outside the airport waiting for my taxi! I am home!!

Interestingly, there were a couple of cultural shocks too. The size of Delhi homes, though i have lived in one for more than a decade! Guess the longer you live in one place, the farther you move away from where you lived before. i am all for big houses and lots of space, which i still miss but actually being them feels like ‘whoa! that’s like space for 4 houses in Mumbai! A visit to my niece’s school for her PTM was ample exposure to dilli culture. Again, i felt something odd about most moms arriving dressed to flaunt!! “Rapchick Moms”!! It didn’t seem like a formal meeting with the teachers at school about how their kids were doing. Because that’s how i look at it. For them it’s an occasion where other parents will be there, right! So time to flex some high class muscles!

Though the cultures are so opposite to each other, Delhi and Mumbai will be homes to me! i don't see the point in the debate of it being difficult to live in one of these cities having lived in the other!!

Thanks, Sis!

Kids have such amazing stress bursting properties which nothing in the world has. No, i am not treating them as objects but it's just that they really work the best! Though it is true that kids themselves can be the cause of a whole lot of stress and constant responsibility. For me, it's difficult to choose between the reward of one beautiful smile or one innocent look or the stress of having to deal with them 24/7!

But thank God there are siblings!! Being an aunt is so much better than having your own kids. It's like you are on a vacation with cute little things who you can pamper to the hilt to become their favorites. But at the same time you know that you will be able to return to your life of peace and quiet soon! This bond is extra special to me because my little niece's arrival smashed my record of being the youngest in the family for over 2 decades. i felt so grown up holding her in my arms (even before her parents did- the fact that i still proudly proclaim!) since i had no baby siblings i remember my parents bringing home! Almost 6 years and another little niece later, i feel like a pro at being an aunt.

By the time the next little one appeared 3 years later (who i feel a lot closer to since i was more involved with her since her birth), being a 'maasi' was a given. She's always been a baby for me and honestly, it broke my heart to see her don her new uniform and go to school with her pink bag! Is she old enough already? was my first shocking reaction!

i have kids who are happier to see me and find respite from their parental regime. They know they can get an extra chocolate here and watch a little more cartoon there! (They now know that maasi's laptop has a whole lot of Tom and Jerry cartoons which can be played at will without mum's permission! Just an innocent entreating look at maasi and it works!!). And it is this pampering bit which is the best part!

i have also become more experienced since i know what will get them to do what i want. Kids sure are smarter than we give them credit for. The older one is still the docile angel she has always been but the younger one came as a surprise package. She has a will of her own and really knows how to get what she wants. It doesn't make either of them any less endearing.

It is difficult to imagine what my life would be without this beautiful part in it! Thanks mom, for sis! And thanks sis, for these angels!!