Movies made on books

Movies based on books are a whole different genre. Since they are inspired from books, they should be true to the original material in terms of details and the plot. But most of the times they aren't. Harry Potter series is the only one that comes to mind that stuck faithfully to the original. 

It took me a while to reconcile why the movies based on books are different from the original. I still don't agree with changing fundamental details of the plot (Like the ending of The Idea of You was changed in the film) but I can see why some things are changed. First of all, books and movies are two different genres and are perceived differently. The story, while great in essence and idea, may not translate exactly on screen to be entertaining. We expect different things from a book and a movie. We are in different frames of mind when we consume each form of media. And I think that is one of the main reasons why books cannot be translated exactly on screen. 

Also, books are better for story and character development because they are not restricted in scope, mostly. While all books are not War and Peace length books, most have the freedom to be long enough to sufficiently go into the background of the story. To paint a picture and describe feelings. To take us on an imaginary joyride with as many pages as it takes to do that. Movies have time limit and hence it's hard for them to be as rich and detailed as books. Plus, like I said, movies don't have the luxury to spend time backgrounds etc. The makers have to be clever about which parts of the story to take while keeping the audience interested and how to cleverly introduce parts of the book so that we know what motivates the characters to do what they do. 

I am not sure about this but another reason why books don't convert loyally to movies could be copyright issues. Most books are said to be based on or inspired from to relinquish any claim of copying some author's work. Like when they change dialogues or how the scene goes on screen compared to the book. I don't know if that's creative liberty or the fact that they don't want authors claiming that their work was copied. 

The parts of the story are chosen based on what might become an interesting film worth watching. For instance, Red, White And Royal Blue, as a book is quite long. It. has a whole romantic track and whole political track. The book on screen would be double the duration that it is now. Maybe longer. However, in the interest of keeping it more interesting, the makers have picked up the romantic track and left out most of the political part of the book. The story of 2 men in love - that too 2 powerful men who are famous across the world - is a great plot for a movie. While the book has a lot of additional characters to build a wholesome fictional world, the movie does not have that scope and liberty. 

My biggest gripe is when they change the story beyond recognition - for example Confessions of a Shopaholic. Had this been even remotely faithful to the book, I'd watch it over and over again. And this franchise of movies could have the potential of becoming classic movies that brought in the moolah too. But the first one is so badly made that I am glad and not surprised that no one made more movies in the shopaholic series. The makers should be sued for even suing the same title. 

The reason why I thought of this topic is because I watched the film, It ends with us, today. I wrote the book review a few days ago. While the book is great and has all the time to follow the train of thought of a victim of domestic abuse, the movie is slow and not as impactful. If someone hasn't read they book, they may have a hard time connecting some dots. 

In fact it probably has about 40% of the original material. The pace is slow and the depth of the book is missing. There is whole build up the abuse and the separation in the book. there are solid reasons why she chooses to ask for a divorce. even though the pace is slow, not enough time is spent in the film on that build up. Atlas is introduced too soon. The book has fantastic one liners about how relationships change in seconds. The movie is missing that connect. 

When there is a book and a movie, I choose to read the book first. And since I understand that the 2 genres are different and that's why I can digest the ending of The Idea of You. While the book ends with Hayes and Selene breaking up, the movies goes 5 years forward and reunites them. They have also changed the age of the characters to better translate it on screen. 

There are also times when I came across the movie/series before I read the book or knew it was based on a book. I have realised that going back to read the book doesn't really work. I tried to so that for The Devil Wears Prada and Chesapeake Shores. the parts of the book that are not in the movie seems jarring. It feels like the book isn't doing justice to the film although it is not supposed to. But the human mind is an interesting thing. We can't un-see/unread what we already know and that becomes the primary material in the mind. 

What do you prefer to do - read a book or just watch the movie instead? How do you reconcile the changes that happen when one is translated into the other? Do you have any favourites?

The Guilt Of Working Women

I was watching The Morning Show starring Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon along with Steve Carell and others. I heard about this show during Emmy awards and always wanted to check it out. Things get heavy right from the start when the co-host of The Morning Show - the show on the show - is fired for being a sexual predator. Battle lines are drawn around Me too and it's got the works. 

One of the co-anchors is Jennifer Aniston - Alex Levy on the show - and there's a whole lot of politics around her personal life too. As a career- woman who is up at 3.30 to make it to the show on time after hair and make-up, she has had to make personal sacrifices. What stood out for me - and made me write this post - is the way she is blamed for her divorce, for putting her career first and how is America going to take it. Worse, her daughter also blames her for the state of her marriage. Her PR manager tell her that it is not a good time to get divorced since it could be related to the firing of her co-anchor. She won't be looked at favourably for getting divorced. 

I just love the scene where Alex goes to make up with her daughter and loses it. There is so much of truth is what she says. A woman has to work really hard to get to where she is. She deserves the success and the happiness that comes with it. But as a mother, she has also given her all to her daughter. She has played both roles as well as she could and yet blamed for it all. She tell her daughter that she might be progressive but she is still judging her mom for having a career. When she goes out to build one for herself, she'll realise how hard things are. 

This got me thinking. Another such scenario that comes to mind is The Devil Wears Prada. Miranda is super successful while her marital affairs are not that ship shape. And she finds herself in tears in the middle of a fashion convention because the press will blame her for the divorce - and her daughters don't deserve it. That's the price she has to pay for being a successful career woman, to be passionate about her job and pursue excellence in what she does. 

The Devil Wears Prada was made in 2006. The Morning Show, in 2019. But I don't think things changed much for women. They are still the victims of societal prejudice for being successful, for daring to have a life other than running households. It's okay of she's busy from dawn to dusk doing stuff for everyone in the family but god forbid she dares to have a life outside!  

What's worse is when the same aforementioned family judges her for working doubly hard to raise children and make something of her life. I really felt for Alex when her teenage daughter put the whole blame on the mother. It is easy to judge as a bystander not realising the pressure on goes through in the male dominated media industry. And that's why I thought Alex's response was very fitting. There is a limit to mollycoddling because they are getting a divorce. Also, it's hard for a teenage to understand what goes on in a marriage. And 2 people are responsible for the success and failure of it. Blaming just the more popular and successful spouse, especially if she is a woman, is so wrong. 

I think it's not just about famous women. It's also about all women. Everyone is expected to put family first, as a woman. When the husband travels, that's his job. He needs to do it to run the house. That's his identity. No judgement. My husband travelled like crazy for 15 years of our marriage. That was okay with everyone. No questions asked. But if I stepped out for a meeting and something was needed at home, I wasn't putting my duties first. I am so glad that my husband was never one of the people who judged and that's why it works for us. We are equal in this relationship and both have our own jobs and interests. But I have seen first hand the way women with careers/other priorities are treated. And I am sad to say that the same attitude continues into the current century. 

It doesn't help that the biological burden of having a baby falls on women. It's a burden because she needs to put her career on hold - there's no way that the maternity break doesn't affect her chances at work. And this privilege of motherhood has turned into a burden because women are penalised for it. They can't go on with their lives after the baby is born. And there is double guilt for wanting and having a career- working really hard to make things work and still be discredited as a woman and a mother. 

Research shows that it'll take another 140 years for women to have same place of power and leadership at work as men. That's a long time - a few generations down the line. that too if more pandemics and Trump-as-president does not derail this progress. It's going to take even longer in that case (The world is already set back by 4 more years with Trump coming to power and God knows how many more years to undo the damage that he'll leave behind)

Let's just hope that the progress - even if it is slow- continues in towards equality. It's more about fighting the prejudices and expectations that people have towards and from women. We need to change our mindset one person at a time. Women have proven themselves to be equal partners in and outside home. We just need the world to acknowledge that and give us what's due to us. Even if it's not in our lifetime, hopefully in our grandchildren's lifetime! 

Reading update for 2024

I have read 52 books so far this year. Which seems like a lot but it's okay I guess. I was on a sabbatical so the rate of reading should have been faster. But brain fog screwed everything up. There were times when I could not make sense of the words on a page. Nothing to worry but non fiction has been a challenging genre to read this year. I have had even 2 sittings to finish one chapter. Whatever work because I ain't giving up reading. That's a part of my identity - I am a reader. (I am not so much interested in any other format of content consumption!)

I am currently reading 3 books in fiction, alternating between each. So it's slow but steady. So no complaints. 

Looking at the best books of the year so far: 

The idea of you by Robinne Lee (Fiction): I read this book twice this year. Once because I always read the book before watching the film. And again, a few months later, because I liked it. I also wrote a blog post wondering why Selene and Hayes couldn't be together after all! 

Eye Liner by Zahra Hankit (non fiction): A fascinating journey into the history of - you guessed it - the eye liner. From the South Indian dance form, Kathakali which uses eye make up to define the kind of character someone is to some African tribes where men use kohl and liner to appear attractive to their future mates. To the modern glamour brands that have repackaged this ancient tool of beauty to make it a part of every woman's kit (also used in queer circles by men)

Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez (non fiction): As the title suggests, the book is about women being invisible in every major study, product testing, drug trials because the world is male and everything that happens has a male bias to it. It was so depressing to read it beyind a point that I am yet to finish the last part. Depsite how far we seem to have come, women are missing from studies as recent as 2016. There is no data collected about them hence there is no way to make life better for them! 

Grit by Angela Duckworth (Non-fiction): This was the most eye- opening book of the year. While there are tons of books on emotions, intelligence and habits, grit is rarely spoken about. The book gives us an insight into what grit is and how and why it is so important for success in life. Even this is probably the only pioneering book on the topic, research is still on. Grit is the ability to stick to something for a really long time without giving up. That needs a lot of strength and consistency. Teaching children grit is especially challenging. Take the grit quiz and see where you on the grit scale. 

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt (Fiction): I read this as part of my read-a-fat-book-a-month project. (I gave up after 2 months since it was getting too much to handle) It's not page turner, as most award winning books tend to be. It's about a painting called The Goldfinch and the impact it has on the protagonist's life. I'm still not sure why the painting was with him all his life but then I guess the award was given to the book for creating this rich tapestry of life in it's era, spanning the time of the protagonist's life. 

Paradox of choice by Barry Schwartz (Non fiction): I finally read it this year after having it on my list for years. The paradox is simply that the more choice you have the harder it becomes for us to choose. The book feels slow after a point because it covers choice in such a wide variety of areas and fields. With the brain fog, it was a challenge to keep through the chapters. 

Mindset by Carol Dweck: Another path breaking and pioneering book in its field - and on my list for a long time. This book simply is about the fixed and growth mindset and covers its impact on various fields and aspects of our life. This one is as detailed on the topic as choice one is on its. But it was fascinating to read how growth mindset - the belief that working hard on something can help you get better as opposed to the belief that we are born with fixed capabilities - leads to success in the ling term.

Right now I am back on the CoHo horse with It Ends With Us and it's sequel. I am also back on the Taylor Jenkins ride after Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo last year. 

Did not finish

This year also saw unprecedented number of DNFs. Maybe with growing age I do not believe in sticking to a book that I positively don't like. And I don't mind abandoning it mid way. Some of the books include Sylvia Plath's only novel, The Bell Jar (too bleak with mental health triggers), Confessions of a 40-something F*** up by Alexandra Potter (too cliche), The Dead Romantics by Ashley Poston (too slow), How to argue with a cat by Jay Heinrichs (made no sense to have a cat in it!) There is still hope that I might go back and finish some of them but they are DNFs for this year. 

Fan fiction 

This is a new genre that I discovered this year. When I heard about fanfics the first time after the Fifty shades popularity, I was like why would I want to read what the readers have written. But as with YR that made me try different things to stay connected to the series, fanfics was another thing that I tried. And boy! Was I surprised and still am! Initially I wondered how one could imagine the characters in non canon AUs and still have it credible. But...but the ones I have read have been so well written that I am surprised none of these are published writers! I have read book length fanfics and promptly added them to my books list. What counts as reading is an evolving concept and anything book length - like ebooks or audio books (or fanfics) - has to count as a book. For now, I can't have enough of the genre. They are well written, easy to read and my brain fog addled mind loves reading them just to have something to read! 

There are 2 more months to go and let's see how that pans out. I've already mentioned a few books that are lined up. Maybe I'll be back with a year end update with my most favourite fic and non-fic books. 

What I Learnt From Writing Everyday

What I learnt from writing 21984 words in a month. Correction: Tried to write everyday. 

First of all, why did I want to write - and specifically a thousand words? I have always missed my blogging days when I wrote on everything under the sun. But when I jumped full time into work blogging in 2014, writing for personal reasons took a back seat. And got totally phased out from 2018 when all my content became about work. I really missed blogging/writing about life, for life and not just work. Writing for myself in my words and not dumb it down for the online reading habits of the readers. I don't care if anyone reads it or not. Just the joy if writing it is enough. 

Plus don't they say, if you want to get better at something, you need to work on it. This is my way of working on my craft of writing. I may feel like my writing is crap at the beginning but I am sure it'll get better and more comfortable as I write. Like I couldn't even do a sit up at some point, but sticking through the bad times gets me complete a whole 10 min ab routine now. I am hoping the same results for my writing. I want to be able to write well professionally and not just work related swill that I am forced to write most of the times. I have other things to talk about too. 

I chose to write 1000 words because 500 seemed too less and what's a goal unless it's challenging! And I think 1000 words turned out to be perfect because that gives enough room to properly deal with a topic. 500 would be too less. So I am glad I chose the more challenging number to motivate myself to get back to writing. 

Discipline

One of the hardest things to develop is the discipline of writing every day. I thought I'll begin my day at 12, getting on my work desk and hacking out the writing for the day. But since my sabbatical, I haven't had the discipline to get to work and open my laptop. So that hasn't happened. In fact, I remember it only after I have worked out for the day and it becomes the last activity before dinner. 

It works because I have that free spot between my workout and serving dinner. Although there is just enough time to hack out 1000 words. Which is good because it leaves no scope for distractions. So the moral is, like working out, I need to set a time for writing and make it sacrosanct. When something needs to get done on a daily basis, the best thing is to put a reminder for the same time and get it done to ensure it doesn't skip my mind like it did most days (and that's why it got done in the last available slot of the day) 

Ideas

The only thing harder than getting into the discipline of writing every day is the problem of ideas - what to write. I did start making a list of ideas when I thought os starting this challenge, but there weren't many to begin with. Another way to come up with ideas is to read a lot - apart from books, I haven't been great at eclectic reading - another thing that I am trying to change. By reading articles on Medium and learning to go down the rabbit hole on the platform. 

I’d pull something out of my every day life (or see the list of ideas I jotted) and it worked most of the times. Sometimes I hit a 1000 words without even trying, other days I couldn't go beyond 900+ something. But that's okay. The idea was to write quality and not just add words with no meaning just to reach the word limit. 

The tally

I managed 21/31 days and 10 days seems like a lot to miss on a daily challenge. But I don’t know if this is good or bad because I’m not competing or comparing myself with any others. I wanted this to be a fun journey so I didn’t force myself on the days I skipped for lack of ideas. But the days I forgot can be planned better since that just shows that writing has still not become a part of my daily routine. But then it's a new month and yet another opportunity to do things better. 

The experience 

It's been lovely to write about stuff that's not work related. The freedom I felt in my writing when I started the sabbatical is back. I have thoughts and ideas apart from just work. And that's exactly why I wanted to express through this project. It was great to reach the word limit most of the times, without much effort. I didn’t even know I had so many things to say on the topic. At other times, I couldn't hit 1000 and I knew I wouldn't. But it was great to be able to talk about myriad topics. To use words that describe life and perspectives around it. Talk about my identity and the evolution of it. 

It feels like how I described it it to someone - like my heart hardened by number and sales projections had melted with creativity, relearning the language of a non-entrepreneur. 

While it is still an uphill task to come up with topics and hack out 1000 words every day, I am sure sticking to it till it becomes a habit and the habit becomes second nature will make ie easier. The complementary habit that I need to develop is to read regularly. That's a great way to come up with ideas to write on. One step at a time, I guess!

The goal for this month is also to start polishing some of these pieces and post them on my new account on Medium. Build a new presence there that reflects my current self. Follow me there? I'll keep you updated! 

The Art Of Acceptance

What do we want the most in life? From ourselves and from others. From society, friends and most importantly, family. Acceptance - the way we are and who we are. 

It could help to begin with self-acceptance. Do we accept who we are. As women, society tells us that we are never enough. Actually, that bias may be gender neutral. But I feel the pressure is more on women. 

Parents

As children, the first people we crave acceptance is from our parents. Studies show that even babies who are a few days/months old can make out if that have their parents' acceptance. That's how important being accepted by people who birthed us is. And ironically that's what's hard to come by in life. I am not a parent so I don't know why parents find it hard to accept the way their kids are and not judge them for who they turned out to be. This is a constant tussle even though we were obedient kids with no personal/social life whatsoever. And still acceptance was hard to come by. 

When people want to come out, the first challenge that comes to mind is what their parents will think. Will they accept their identity/sexuality. That's something that can create life-long rifts because parents are unable to accept something they did not expect their kid to be - straight. The society as a challenge comes later. 

We first want the freedom to be who we are in our own homes and that gives us the courage to face the world. If parents were to offer unconditional support, kids can have the self-esteem and the courage to soar high in whatever their dreams are. Nothing is too big and no goal to petty to go for. As people who form our personalities with their encouragement or judgement, parents can make or mar their children. Quite literally. There's a whole book by Carol Dweck, called Mindset, which talks about how the formative years are so crucial in setting our beliefs and how we feel about our capabilities. And guess what! Parents are the conduits for those beliefs. It's all up to them whether we feel out abilities are fixed or we can improve with hard work. 

So yeah! While most eastern parenting is judgemental, western parents are more liberal in letting their children be. I don't know how the acceptance rates differ although I am thinking that letting your children be would mean higher acceptance, logically. 

Siblings

Siblings are the only people who know us right from our childhood (even if not from the time we were born, in the case of older siblings) and they are likely to last as long as we do. Constant companions of a lifetime. Again, parents have a huge role to play in how they raise their children and get them to bond with the siblings. There are understanding siblings who love each other unconditionally. But a lot of times that love isn't enduring. It smacks of parental judgment. And since we grow up together with parallel lives, we need to keep up with how people change as they grow and not be influenced by who they were as kids. That's the mature way to handle things. 

As people who grow together and then go on to lead their own lives, siblings need a lot more understanding about where the others are with respect to their own lives. Appreciating that people who they grew up with can develop a different value system and outlook to life is such an important part of sibling acceptance. Unfortunately, it's hard when one isn't the recipient of that unconditional love from siblings. Even as sisters/brothers, people may not agree and accept their siblings' different ways of looking at life. 

I've been told that I am too blunt and that I should do more for people around me. And this is long after I reached my limit of caring for others. I wish I got the acceptance to live my experiences and be the person that I have become without having to think about what my own family might think about it. I think a lot of that comes from the fact that siblings know us since we were born and expect us to have a similar worldview and their judgement takes on parental hues. 

Friends

I think an important part of why we ares friends with our friends is because they accept our crazy selves the way we are. People who aren't close to us and we just tolerate them may not have our whole acceptance. But still we are no one to judge and people have the right to be who they are. The best gift we can give them as people is to let them be their true selves. 

Spouses

A popular saying goes: Women marry men thinking they will change but they don't and men marry women thinking they wont change but they do. Women are said to want to change men into perfect versions of themselves. Whereas men are happy being themselves except their wives now run the house for them. They have no wish to become the versions their wives envision for them. But the best gift, once again, is to learn accept for who people are. There are compromises in all relationships and one has to be the big person to give room for people to be who they are. Smothering the other with who you want to be is only going to make matters worse. Marriage is hard enough and after siblings, this is the relationship that's going to stick for the rest of our lifetimes. 

The acceptance I have in my marriage makes up for the lack of it from every one else. And I can't thank my lucky starts that I don't have to worry about being judged in my own house. Which in turn has made me less tolerant with people who judge me. I know I am enough and good enough the way I am. As long as how I live isn't hurting anyone, I have the right to live the way I want to. 

So look around you and consider the people who are a part of your life. Let go of your prejudices and expectations of how people should be. How about accommodate them for who they are. Give them the gift is unconditional acceptance! 

What do we want the most in life? Acceptance! 

Review: It Ends With Us

I finished reading the book, It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover in 3 days straight. The high of getting to the end of 367-page book has been so refreshing. With brain fog being a bitch, it's been so hard to focus on anything. I have been yearning for a light read but not a chicklit. And this book turned out to be perfect. It was a physical copy with the right font and well paced story. I did not feel like putting it down. And it's rarely that one comes across such a perfect combination where everything falls into place and makes for a great reading experience. 

The only bummer was that the theme turned out to be domestic violence. The subject has been treated with sensitivity. It must have taken a lot of courage for Hoover to bring out her real life in a novel. 

*spoilers ahead* 

The built up is great. You only get glimpses of Lily's parents at first. The diary she's reading in between her current life keeps you on tenterhooks. I actually went ahead a few pages and read the last entry because I really wanted to know how that part of her life pans out. And while you read about her parents and then read about Ryle, you don't believe that Ryle might turn into an abuser too. You just think it's all going to be in the past. So how is this story going to be in the present. 

And then gradually, Ryle turns into the abuser. Lily goes through all the stages that her mother does, till she decides to break the patten. She justifies, she gives him chances, she wonders if she can make it all work. Does all the good balance out the bad? And she goes back and forth with that just like a woman would in real life. 

The first time it happens, the scene unfolds chillingly before us. The way we look at Ryle completely changes. You do a double take if you got it right. And then there's Lily's feelings. There are whole paragraphs about her internal struggle and dialogue, about how she justifies it because he is a nice man otherwise. You live the fear every time she is in his presence, the writing is so tight, you feel every bit of that rawness. The scene of the final attack is brutal. And you can imagine her shaking hands as she tries to use her phone to dial Atlas. 

Hoover has definitely outdone herself here (I have read 2 other books of hers) Even though the book is pretty long, at no point did I wonder what's the point of the book and where is the plot going. That usually happens to me after 200 pages. But this one was tight and neatly done.

There is a point where Lily hasn't made the decision and it can go either way. She thinks about how it is easy to judge on the outside and wonder why women don't quit an abusive relationship. And how easy it is to judge from the outside. She looks at how good Ryle is apart from the insane bouts of blackout anger. You almost think that she'll give in. But the fact that she is financially independent, which her mother wasn't/t makes a huge difference in her life. 

Another thing I love about the book is the one liners that are strewn across the book. For example: 

"That’s what fifteen minutes can do to a person. It can destroy them.

It can save them." 

And 

"Fifteen seconds. That’s all it takes to completely change everything about a person. Fifteen seconds that we’ll never get back."

And 15 seconds is all it took for us to look at Ryle differently from the handsome neurosurgeon that he was till now. it's takes just minutes to transform the equation of a relationship. The book brings this out so well. 

The way the birth of her daughter is put together with her asking for a divorce is so bang on! Ryle wants yet another chance - just one more - like very abuser does. And Lily knows that all too well that she has to make this decision for her daughter. So she turns it around to Emerson and there is no better way to form this argument so that there is only one answer! Would you let your daughter go back to an abusive relationship? What would you do if your daughter's boyfriend hit her? I think the answer is so clear to Ryle that there is no argument beyond that. They could be civil with each other like they were in the last few weeks for the sake of the unborn baby but what kinda marriage would that be! Despite wondering where this will go, her leaving him and making the right decision is a very satisfactory payout for sticking with this book till the end. 

As if that wasn't enough, the last pages make it even better. With Atlas. It almost seems like a second thought but then it does neatly tie in to Lily's first love. It's an epilogue so it doesn't feel rushed. Double payout as a reader's reward. 

The next book continues where this leaves off and I am glad that I bought both. I am curious to see how this pans out with the new equation with Atlas. 

Age Is Just A Number. Is It?

Age is just a number. Is it? 

There's a huge difference between being 17 and 77. Or people wouldn't say - Toni Morrison won the Nobel prize at 62! - with that wonder in their voice. 62 is a number that matters. It's not just any number. Morrison had been slumming it as a writer for 28 years by the time she won the Nobel Prize for literature in 1993. 28 is a long time to wait for a lifetime achievement award too! 

You don't have the same problems at 17 as you have at 77. You have problems but very different ones. It's mostly falling in love for the first time. And getting your heart broken. Feeling like that is the end of the world and realising by 17 and a half that it's not. 17 is the beginning of one's life with numerous prospects before a person. Plenty of time to fall in and out of love. Lots of decisions to make and change. Enormous possibilities to get into and quit careers. 

77 is more like having left a lifetime behind. Having fallen in and out of love. Made all the decisions that there are - except and where and how you'd like to die. Living with the consequences of those decisions. Knowing that the road ahead is a short one. Living with borrowed time you are given and whatever your health permits. When someone climbs the Everest at 77, that's news. Because 77 is not just a number. It means something.

There's always so much that happens between 17 and 77 and every number has a significance. They are not just numbers but a year in the life of a person. When good or bad things happen. We discover or lose love. We decide to hold on or let go. 

There was a time when there was a right age to do things. Get your education sorted by 20, get married and have kids by 30 and then spend the next 2 decades raising them. By the time retirement comes knocking, you are done with your worldly duties. You get to enjoy the sunset years as you deem fit - hopefully with the nest egg you have set aside especially for this purpose. That's a very simple way of putting the traditional expectations of how life should be lived. 

Before you call me an ageist, let me clarify that it's never too early or late to do anything but the age at which people do something has a meaning to it. That's all I am saying. No one is happier than me about the fact that these numbers have become pretty flexible now. 

No one gets married by 25 now. Or 28. Or 30. Even women. I like that they have the freedom to choose a partner and tie the knot when they are ready or have found the right one. Kids are optional. Or can be had at anytime during the 30 and 40 window. The reproductive system is the most ready between 20 and 30 but socially and professionally, that's no longer feasible. They then scramble to freeze their eggs but that's a different story for another day. Although that's also why age isn't just a number. Whether you are 28 or 38 makes a big difference to your body and the baby you carry. And what your age will be on the next 2 decades when you will raise it. 

I love that people can have multiple careers in a lifetime. You can start off as an entrepreneur right out of college or 2 decades into your working life. But if you choose to go independent at 45, it means something compared to when you choose to be an entrepreneur at 25. While at the latter age, you have capital and experience, the risk is higher too, the liabilities are greater too. There is less room for failure. More is at stake than at 25. So 45 is not just a number. It means something to a new entrepreneur. 

Despite how we've changed the personal and social contexts of the years we live, somethings definitely make an appearance around the same time as always. While the 20's are the time you enjoy finding who you are and settle into it by the 30s, mid life crisis in some form comes a-calling in your 40s. The highs of life are done. All the heart breaks are behind you. The major choices you made about your life will stick for the rest of your life. 

And that's when the list of death defying feats begin to frame in your mind in a bid to become more life affirming. The 2 decades that we spent giving our life a shape have given it the shape we wanted - or maybe not. 

Because this is also the time regrets raise their ugly head. Jobs not pursued. Roads not taken. People left behind. Possibilities that could have changed the course of life. It's too late for that, my friend. Those are all thoughts that our 50 year old brain starts analysing - futilely - to gauge what could have been different or better in our lives. 

The best way to stop beating yourself up is to believe that you made the decisions given the information you had at that point in time. And regrets at the life that passed by will only make the road ahead harder. Whether you chose to get married or not, have kids or not, spent enough time with your parents and family or not - this is the time to live with those decisions. Like I said, all those choices are here to stick. 

I don't believe in regret. I believe in living with my decisions. I am 45 and I don't want to look back on choices and second guess myself. Nothing good can come out of that exercise. 

I have lived most of the highs and hopefully lows of my life. I am gutted that I'll never be 24 again but the sooner we accept that the mids of the mid life is it for us now. 

No matter how many heights you bungee jump from or how many new places you land in to discover yourself, Once you are back home, you back to your life the way it is - a result of your decisions made at different points in life. Which is why every number in our life counts, every year.