Reading update for 2024

I have read 52 books so far this year. Which seems like a lot but it's okay I guess. I was on a sabbatical so the rate of reading should have been faster. But brain fog screwed everything up. There were times when I could not make sense of the words on a page. Nothing to worry but non fiction has been a challenging genre to read this year. I have had even 2 sittings to finish one chapter. Whatever work because I ain't giving up reading. That's a part of my identity - I am a reader. (I am not so much interested in any other format of content consumption!)

I am currently reading 3 books in fiction, alternating between each. So it's slow but steady. So no complaints. 

Looking at the best books of the year so far: 

The idea of you by Robinne Lee (Fiction): I read this book twice this year. Once because I always read the book before watching the film. And again, a few months later, because I liked it. I also wrote a blog post wondering why Selene and Hayes couldn't be together after all! 

Eye Liner by Zahra Hankit (non fiction): A fascinating journey into the history of - you guessed it - the eye liner. From the South Indian dance form, Kathakali which uses eye make up to define the kind of character someone is to some African tribes where men use kohl and liner to appear attractive to their future mates. To the modern glamour brands that have repackaged this ancient tool of beauty to make it a part of every woman's kit (also used in queer circles by men)

Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez (non fiction): As the title suggests, the book is about women being invisible in every major study, product testing, drug trials because the world is male and everything that happens has a male bias to it. It was so depressing to read it beyind a point that I am yet to finish the last part. Depsite how far we seem to have come, women are missing from studies as recent as 2016. There is no data collected about them hence there is no way to make life better for them! 

Grit by Angela Duckworth (Non-fiction): This was the most eye- opening book of the year. While there are tons of books on emotions, intelligence and habits, grit is rarely spoken about. The book gives us an insight into what grit is and how and why it is so important for success in life. Even this is probably the only pioneering book on the topic, research is still on. Grit is the ability to stick to something for a really long time without giving up. That needs a lot of strength and consistency. Teaching children grit is especially challenging. Take the grit quiz and see where you on the grit scale. 

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt (Fiction): I read this as part of my read-a-fat-book-a-month project. (I gave up after 2 months since it was getting too much to handle) It's not page turner, as most award winning books tend to be. It's about a painting called The Goldfinch and the impact it has on the protagonist's life. I'm still not sure why the painting was with him all his life but then I guess the award was given to the book for creating this rich tapestry of life in it's era, spanning the time of the protagonist's life. 

Paradox of choice by Barry Schwartz (Non fiction): I finally read it this year after having it on my list for years. The paradox is simply that the more choice you have the harder it becomes for us to choose. The book feels slow after a point because it covers choice in such a wide variety of areas and fields. With the brain fog, it was a challenge to keep through the chapters. 

Mindset by Carol Dweck: Another path breaking and pioneering book in its field - and on my list for a long time. This book simply is about the fixed and growth mindset and covers its impact on various fields and aspects of our life. This one is as detailed on the topic as choice one is on its. But it was fascinating to read how growth mindset - the belief that working hard on something can help you get better as opposed to the belief that we are born with fixed capabilities - leads to success in the ling term.

Right now I am back on the CoHo horse with It Ends With Us and it's sequel. I am also back on the Taylor Jenkins ride after Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo last year. 

Did not finish

This year also saw unprecedented number of DNFs. Maybe with growing age I do not believe in sticking to a book that I positively don't like. And I don't mind abandoning it mid way. Some of the books include Sylvia Plath's only novel, The Bell Jar (too bleak with mental health triggers), Confessions of a 40-something F*** up by Alexandra Potter (too cliche), The Dead Romantics by Ashley Poston (too slow), How to argue with a cat by Jay Heinrichs (made no sense to have a cat in it!) There is still hope that I might go back and finish some of them but they are DNFs for this year. 

Fan fiction 

This is a new genre that I discovered this year. When I heard about fanfics the first time after the Fifty shades popularity, I was like why would I want to read what the readers have written. But as with YR that made me try different things to stay connected to the series, fanfics was another thing that I tried. And boy! Was I surprised and still am! Initially I wondered how one could imagine the characters in non canon AUs and still have it credible. But...but the ones I have read have been so well written that I am surprised none of these are published writers! I have read book length fanfics and promptly added them to my books list. What counts as reading is an evolving concept and anything book length - like ebooks or audio books (or fanfics) - has to count as a book. For now, I can't have enough of the genre. They are well written, easy to read and my brain fog addled mind loves reading them just to have something to read! 

There are 2 more months to go and let's see how that pans out. I've already mentioned a few books that are lined up. Maybe I'll be back with a year end update with my most favourite fic and non-fic books. 

What I Learnt From Writing Everyday

What I learnt from writing 21984 words in a month. Correction: Tried to write everyday. 

First of all, why did I want to write - and specifically a thousand words? I have always missed my blogging days when I wrote on everything under the sun. But when I jumped full time into work blogging in 2014, writing for personal reasons took a back seat. And got totally phased out from 2018 when all my content became about work. I really missed blogging/writing about life, for life and not just work. Writing for myself in my words and not dumb it down for the online reading habits of the readers. I don't care if anyone reads it or not. Just the joy if writing it is enough. 

Plus don't they say, if you want to get better at something, you need to work on it. This is my way of working on my craft of writing. I may feel like my writing is crap at the beginning but I am sure it'll get better and more comfortable as I write. Like I couldn't even do a sit up at some point, but sticking through the bad times gets me complete a whole 10 min ab routine now. I am hoping the same results for my writing. I want to be able to write well professionally and not just work related swill that I am forced to write most of the times. I have other things to talk about too. 

I chose to write 1000 words because 500 seemed too less and what's a goal unless it's challenging! And I think 1000 words turned out to be perfect because that gives enough room to properly deal with a topic. 500 would be too less. So I am glad I chose the more challenging number to motivate myself to get back to writing. 

Discipline

One of the hardest things to develop is the discipline of writing every day. I thought I'll begin my day at 12, getting on my work desk and hacking out the writing for the day. But since my sabbatical, I haven't had the discipline to get to work and open my laptop. So that hasn't happened. In fact, I remember it only after I have worked out for the day and it becomes the last activity before dinner. 

It works because I have that free spot between my workout and serving dinner. Although there is just enough time to hack out 1000 words. Which is good because it leaves no scope for distractions. So the moral is, like working out, I need to set a time for writing and make it sacrosanct. When something needs to get done on a daily basis, the best thing is to put a reminder for the same time and get it done to ensure it doesn't skip my mind like it did most days (and that's why it got done in the last available slot of the day) 

Ideas

The only thing harder than getting into the discipline of writing every day is the problem of ideas - what to write. I did start making a list of ideas when I thought os starting this challenge, but there weren't many to begin with. Another way to come up with ideas is to read a lot - apart from books, I haven't been great at eclectic reading - another thing that I am trying to change. By reading articles on Medium and learning to go down the rabbit hole on the platform. 

I’d pull something out of my every day life (or see the list of ideas I jotted) and it worked most of the times. Sometimes I hit a 1000 words without even trying, other days I couldn't go beyond 900+ something. But that's okay. The idea was to write quality and not just add words with no meaning just to reach the word limit. 

The tally

I managed 21/31 days and 10 days seems like a lot to miss on a daily challenge. But I don’t know if this is good or bad because I’m not competing or comparing myself with any others. I wanted this to be a fun journey so I didn’t force myself on the days I skipped for lack of ideas. But the days I forgot can be planned better since that just shows that writing has still not become a part of my daily routine. But then it's a new month and yet another opportunity to do things better. 

The experience 

It's been lovely to write about stuff that's not work related. The freedom I felt in my writing when I started the sabbatical is back. I have thoughts and ideas apart from just work. And that's exactly why I wanted to express through this project. It was great to reach the word limit most of the times, without much effort. I didn’t even know I had so many things to say on the topic. At other times, I couldn't hit 1000 and I knew I wouldn't. But it was great to be able to talk about myriad topics. To use words that describe life and perspectives around it. Talk about my identity and the evolution of it. 

It feels like how I described it it to someone - like my heart hardened by number and sales projections had melted with creativity, relearning the language of a non-entrepreneur. 

While it is still an uphill task to come up with topics and hack out 1000 words every day, I am sure sticking to it till it becomes a habit and the habit becomes second nature will make ie easier. The complementary habit that I need to develop is to read regularly. That's a great way to come up with ideas to write on. One step at a time, I guess!

The goal for this month is also to start polishing some of these pieces and post them on my new account on Medium. Build a new presence there that reflects my current self. Follow me there? I'll keep you updated! 

The Art Of Acceptance

What do we want the most in life? From ourselves and from others. From society, friends and most importantly, family. Acceptance - the way we are and who we are. 

It could help to begin with self-acceptance. Do we accept who we are. As women, society tells us that we are never enough. Actually, that bias may be gender neutral. But I feel the pressure is more on women. 

Parents

As children, the first people we crave acceptance is from our parents. Studies show that even babies who are a few days/months old can make out if that have their parents' acceptance. That's how important being accepted by people who birthed us is. And ironically that's what's hard to come by in life. I am not a parent so I don't know why parents find it hard to accept the way their kids are and not judge them for who they turned out to be. This is a constant tussle even though we were obedient kids with no personal/social life whatsoever. And still acceptance was hard to come by. 

When people want to come out, the first challenge that comes to mind is what their parents will think. Will they accept their identity/sexuality. That's something that can create life-long rifts because parents are unable to accept something they did not expect their kid to be - straight. The society as a challenge comes later. 

We first want the freedom to be who we are in our own homes and that gives us the courage to face the world. If parents were to offer unconditional support, kids can have the self-esteem and the courage to soar high in whatever their dreams are. Nothing is too big and no goal to petty to go for. As people who form our personalities with their encouragement or judgement, parents can make or mar their children. Quite literally. There's a whole book by Carol Dweck, called Mindset, which talks about how the formative years are so crucial in setting our beliefs and how we feel about our capabilities. And guess what! Parents are the conduits for those beliefs. It's all up to them whether we feel out abilities are fixed or we can improve with hard work. 

So yeah! While most eastern parenting is judgemental, western parents are more liberal in letting their children be. I don't know how the acceptance rates differ although I am thinking that letting your children be would mean higher acceptance, logically. 

Siblings

Siblings are the only people who know us right from our childhood (even if not from the time we were born, in the case of older siblings) and they are likely to last as long as we do. Constant companions of a lifetime. Again, parents have a huge role to play in how they raise their children and get them to bond with the siblings. There are understanding siblings who love each other unconditionally. But a lot of times that love isn't enduring. It smacks of parental judgment. And since we grow up together with parallel lives, we need to keep up with how people change as they grow and not be influenced by who they were as kids. That's the mature way to handle things. 

As people who grow together and then go on to lead their own lives, siblings need a lot more understanding about where the others are with respect to their own lives. Appreciating that people who they grew up with can develop a different value system and outlook to life is such an important part of sibling acceptance. Unfortunately, it's hard when one isn't the recipient of that unconditional love from siblings. Even as sisters/brothers, people may not agree and accept their siblings' different ways of looking at life. 

I've been told that I am too blunt and that I should do more for people around me. And this is long after I reached my limit of caring for others. I wish I got the acceptance to live my experiences and be the person that I have become without having to think about what my own family might think about it. I think a lot of that comes from the fact that siblings know us since we were born and expect us to have a similar worldview and their judgement takes on parental hues. 

Friends

I think an important part of why we ares friends with our friends is because they accept our crazy selves the way we are. People who aren't close to us and we just tolerate them may not have our whole acceptance. But still we are no one to judge and people have the right to be who they are. The best gift we can give them as people is to let them be their true selves. 

Spouses

A popular saying goes: Women marry men thinking they will change but they don't and men marry women thinking they wont change but they do. Women are said to want to change men into perfect versions of themselves. Whereas men are happy being themselves except their wives now run the house for them. They have no wish to become the versions their wives envision for them. But the best gift, once again, is to learn accept for who people are. There are compromises in all relationships and one has to be the big person to give room for people to be who they are. Smothering the other with who you want to be is only going to make matters worse. Marriage is hard enough and after siblings, this is the relationship that's going to stick for the rest of our lifetimes. 

The acceptance I have in my marriage makes up for the lack of it from every one else. And I can't thank my lucky starts that I don't have to worry about being judged in my own house. Which in turn has made me less tolerant with people who judge me. I know I am enough and good enough the way I am. As long as how I live isn't hurting anyone, I have the right to live the way I want to. 

So look around you and consider the people who are a part of your life. Let go of your prejudices and expectations of how people should be. How about accommodate them for who they are. Give them the gift is unconditional acceptance! 

What do we want the most in life? Acceptance! 

Review: It Ends With Us

I finished reading the book, It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover in 3 days straight. The high of getting to the end of 367-page book has been so refreshing. With brain fog being a bitch, it's been so hard to focus on anything. I have been yearning for a light read but not a chicklit. And this book turned out to be perfect. It was a physical copy with the right font and well paced story. I did not feel like putting it down. And it's rarely that one comes across such a perfect combination where everything falls into place and makes for a great reading experience. 

The only bummer was that the theme turned out to be domestic violence. The subject has been treated with sensitivity. It must have taken a lot of courage for Hoover to bring out her real life in a novel. 

*spoilers ahead* 

The built up is great. You only get glimpses of Lily's parents at first. The diary she's reading in between her current life keeps you on tenterhooks. I actually went ahead a few pages and read the last entry because I really wanted to know how that part of her life pans out. And while you read about her parents and then read about Ryle, you don't believe that Ryle might turn into an abuser too. You just think it's all going to be in the past. So how is this story going to be in the present. 

And then gradually, Ryle turns into the abuser. Lily goes through all the stages that her mother does, till she decides to break the patten. She justifies, she gives him chances, she wonders if she can make it all work. Does all the good balance out the bad? And she goes back and forth with that just like a woman would in real life. 

The first time it happens, the scene unfolds chillingly before us. The way we look at Ryle completely changes. You do a double take if you got it right. And then there's Lily's feelings. There are whole paragraphs about her internal struggle and dialogue, about how she justifies it because he is a nice man otherwise. You live the fear every time she is in his presence, the writing is so tight, you feel every bit of that rawness. The scene of the final attack is brutal. And you can imagine her shaking hands as she tries to use her phone to dial Atlas. 

Hoover has definitely outdone herself here (I have read 2 other books of hers) Even though the book is pretty long, at no point did I wonder what's the point of the book and where is the plot going. That usually happens to me after 200 pages. But this one was tight and neatly done.

There is a point where Lily hasn't made the decision and it can go either way. She thinks about how it is easy to judge on the outside and wonder why women don't quit an abusive relationship. And how easy it is to judge from the outside. She looks at how good Ryle is apart from the insane bouts of blackout anger. You almost think that she'll give in. But the fact that she is financially independent, which her mother wasn't/t makes a huge difference in her life. 

Another thing I love about the book is the one liners that are strewn across the book. For example: 

"That’s what fifteen minutes can do to a person. It can destroy them.

It can save them." 

And 

"Fifteen seconds. That’s all it takes to completely change everything about a person. Fifteen seconds that we’ll never get back."

And 15 seconds is all it took for us to look at Ryle differently from the handsome neurosurgeon that he was till now. it's takes just minutes to transform the equation of a relationship. The book brings this out so well. 

The way the birth of her daughter is put together with her asking for a divorce is so bang on! Ryle wants yet another chance - just one more - like very abuser does. And Lily knows that all too well that she has to make this decision for her daughter. So she turns it around to Emerson and there is no better way to form this argument so that there is only one answer! Would you let your daughter go back to an abusive relationship? What would you do if your daughter's boyfriend hit her? I think the answer is so clear to Ryle that there is no argument beyond that. They could be civil with each other like they were in the last few weeks for the sake of the unborn baby but what kinda marriage would that be! Despite wondering where this will go, her leaving him and making the right decision is a very satisfactory payout for sticking with this book till the end. 

As if that wasn't enough, the last pages make it even better. With Atlas. It almost seems like a second thought but then it does neatly tie in to Lily's first love. It's an epilogue so it doesn't feel rushed. Double payout as a reader's reward. 

The next book continues where this leaves off and I am glad that I bought both. I am curious to see how this pans out with the new equation with Atlas. 

Age Is Just A Number. Is It?

Age is just a number. Is it? 

There's a huge difference between being 17 and 77. Or people wouldn't say - Toni Morrison won the Nobel prize at 62! - with that wonder in their voice. 62 is a number that matters. It's not just any number. Morrison had been slumming it as a writer for 28 years by the time she won the Nobel Prize for literature in 1993. 28 is a long time to wait for a lifetime achievement award too! 

You don't have the same problems at 17 as you have at 77. You have problems but very different ones. It's mostly falling in love for the first time. And getting your heart broken. Feeling like that is the end of the world and realising by 17 and a half that it's not. 17 is the beginning of one's life with numerous prospects before a person. Plenty of time to fall in and out of love. Lots of decisions to make and change. Enormous possibilities to get into and quit careers. 

77 is more like having left a lifetime behind. Having fallen in and out of love. Made all the decisions that there are - except and where and how you'd like to die. Living with the consequences of those decisions. Knowing that the road ahead is a short one. Living with borrowed time you are given and whatever your health permits. When someone climbs the Everest at 77, that's news. Because 77 is not just a number. It means something.

There's always so much that happens between 17 and 77 and every number has a significance. They are not just numbers but a year in the life of a person. When good or bad things happen. We discover or lose love. We decide to hold on or let go. 

There was a time when there was a right age to do things. Get your education sorted by 20, get married and have kids by 30 and then spend the next 2 decades raising them. By the time retirement comes knocking, you are done with your worldly duties. You get to enjoy the sunset years as you deem fit - hopefully with the nest egg you have set aside especially for this purpose. That's a very simple way of putting the traditional expectations of how life should be lived. 

Before you call me an ageist, let me clarify that it's never too early or late to do anything but the age at which people do something has a meaning to it. That's all I am saying. No one is happier than me about the fact that these numbers have become pretty flexible now. 

No one gets married by 25 now. Or 28. Or 30. Even women. I like that they have the freedom to choose a partner and tie the knot when they are ready or have found the right one. Kids are optional. Or can be had at anytime during the 30 and 40 window. The reproductive system is the most ready between 20 and 30 but socially and professionally, that's no longer feasible. They then scramble to freeze their eggs but that's a different story for another day. Although that's also why age isn't just a number. Whether you are 28 or 38 makes a big difference to your body and the baby you carry. And what your age will be on the next 2 decades when you will raise it. 

I love that people can have multiple careers in a lifetime. You can start off as an entrepreneur right out of college or 2 decades into your working life. But if you choose to go independent at 45, it means something compared to when you choose to be an entrepreneur at 25. While at the latter age, you have capital and experience, the risk is higher too, the liabilities are greater too. There is less room for failure. More is at stake than at 25. So 45 is not just a number. It means something to a new entrepreneur. 

Despite how we've changed the personal and social contexts of the years we live, somethings definitely make an appearance around the same time as always. While the 20's are the time you enjoy finding who you are and settle into it by the 30s, mid life crisis in some form comes a-calling in your 40s. The highs of life are done. All the heart breaks are behind you. The major choices you made about your life will stick for the rest of your life. 

And that's when the list of death defying feats begin to frame in your mind in a bid to become more life affirming. The 2 decades that we spent giving our life a shape have given it the shape we wanted - or maybe not. 

Because this is also the time regrets raise their ugly head. Jobs not pursued. Roads not taken. People left behind. Possibilities that could have changed the course of life. It's too late for that, my friend. Those are all thoughts that our 50 year old brain starts analysing - futilely - to gauge what could have been different or better in our lives. 

The best way to stop beating yourself up is to believe that you made the decisions given the information you had at that point in time. And regrets at the life that passed by will only make the road ahead harder. Whether you chose to get married or not, have kids or not, spent enough time with your parents and family or not - this is the time to live with those decisions. Like I said, all those choices are here to stick. 

I don't believe in regret. I believe in living with my decisions. I am 45 and I don't want to look back on choices and second guess myself. Nothing good can come out of that exercise. 

I have lived most of the highs and hopefully lows of my life. I am gutted that I'll never be 24 again but the sooner we accept that the mids of the mid life is it for us now. 

No matter how many heights you bungee jump from or how many new places you land in to discover yourself, Once you are back home, you back to your life the way it is - a result of your decisions made at different points in life. Which is why every number in our life counts, every year. 

The Evolution of Diwali

Diwali, like anything else, has evolved so much since the time I remember celebrating it as a kid. Oil and cotton wick diyas, laxmi pooja in the evening, sweets from the local shop and crackers bought within budget sums up my childhood Diwali. Nothing fancy! I don't think we even bought new clothes every year as a ritual. The lack of social circle around prevented us from making any comparisons. That's how our Diwali was and that's how it must be done. It was just us and we did what mom told us to do. Dad went out and gave sweets to his friends and not many people came home- that I remember of. We did have crackers to burst - something that I was mostly scared of. The fire, the noise - was enough to scare the coward in me. The fire mainly. And the noise too, come to think of it. 

Things changed once I got married. In fact, this year will be 17 years since I celebrate it pretty much on my own. My new home did/does not have any rituals around them and I am the one jumping around about lights, and diyas and sweets - as much as my waist can tolerate! There is nothing that we (all) do/did together. There are no restrictions and I can do what I want. Unfortunately Diwali is as forlorn as a family now as it was in my childhood. We aren't even a family now, just a couple. We don't have guests visiting us or we have any where to go. 

But I can see how much the festival of lights has evolved and changed into something very commercial in every aspect. With e-commerce booming in the recent years, any thing that you need is at the click of a button. And brands had to advertise that as a part of the essential Diwali experience so that sales could be boosted. 

A lot of it can also be the attributed to the influence of Bollywood as on e-comm. It's a lot more commercial. It's been made fashionable - and an extension of tradition mainly because it is popular culture now. Apparel brands make it sound like it's necessary to buy new clothes for the whole family to stay current and impress your guests. 

Buying and gifting jewellery is more an act that brings families together. My mom used to say that the logic behind buying jewellery actually started with buying any kind of metal. People couldn't afford a lot and so they'd buy vessels for home in the name of Dhanteras. How far that tradition has been come along, to mean and symbolise something very different. And people buy jewellery too in the name of staying current with the times. couples in nuclear families forge their own traditions based on these new fangled ways of marking the 5 days of the festival. 

Gift giving is a whole different concept. Gone are the days when giving sweets was the right and traditional thing to do. But with changing lifestyles, people don't prefer the cloying sweetness of traditional sweets any more. In fact, even sweets have gone through a transformation beyond recognition. I went to the sweet shop yesterday and the fancy ones needed explanation. The flavours included orange, blueberry, chocolate and dry fruits. I wanted to specify that I was looking for sweets that traditionally look like how they should. 

The changing preferences gave different brands, wanting to sell their wares, a chance to turn pretty much anything into a gift hamper. From dry fruits to Italian spices - anything can be made into a collection. Haldiram sweets to gourmet jams and chocolates - anything that says chic and unique. It can be just a few things or a cornucopia of stuff representing samples of everything that the brand sells. We got a coffee hamper a couple of years ago - with a coffee mug to sample the wares. 

No one visits us due to a lack of social circle but households that have people dropping in make Diwali pretty interesting by checking out what people chose to bring in. It's almost like opening gifts on one's birthday to see what each box holds. I am sure storing and consuming them is a different challenge altogether but it sure makes it exciting to check every thing out. 

I was also thinking about how the actual act of gift giving has changed. Earlier, people had to stack boxes on their scooters or in cars and cover one part of the city each day. 10-15 days before Diwali, this is what people did. Personally visit every one and wish them for Diwali with their choice of sweet box. And when asked for refreshment, the refrain was - humein aur bhi jagah jaana hai - we have other places to go to so we cannot stay for an elaborate tea and conversation session. They'd stick around for as short a duration as social etiquette permits and then be on their way. Wishing your social circle involved literally visiting them. 

But now there are services for that kinda thing. Yu can not just bulk order stuff but you can also give your address book to them and they'll address, box and ship it for you, if that's what you want done. There are also courier services who'll come and pick up even one box and deliver it to the address in the same city. What wonderful times we live in!

I have started a couple of my own rituals since we moved to our new place and wanted to make a fresh start. I give sweets to the neighbours even though we are not close. But I guess it's nice to be neighbourly and visit them in my festival finery. 

I also made a friend last year, so it's nice to take something for her kids. Sort of my own little social circle ad gift giving ritual. I also hung lights - which is my favourite part of the festival - the lights, not the hanging part (which I do with no help every year and hate it) I also bought some sweets for us yesterday although that is not going to be a favour to my waist or the working out efforts that I have put in recently. But well! Diwali comes once a year and I'd like to make the most of whatever we can while I still can. 

How To Prepare For A Professional Photo Shoot

A professional photo shoot is a must if one wants a strong and professional looking social media presence. By professional, I mean something that's clicked with a good camera or digital camera, that doesn't come across as a selfie from your cell phone. Deliberately dressed and posed for the purpose of projecting a competent brand/person. 

When I started my business in 2014, one of the first things I did was to upgrade my wardrobe and get a photo shoot done in a studio. This helped me launch myself as a brand in the best possible light. The photos on my blog were high resolution and professional. I also used the photos on all my socials - absolutely no casual photos clicked on phone - a rule I follow to this day. 

Here are a few reasons why! 

- Our online presence as entrepreneurs and professionals is key to our personal branding. 

And when people land on our profiles from Google or wherever, the photo serves to create a connect. When we like what we see, we make that essential human connection. There's a reason why meeting people personally will never go out of style. Or at least having the video on on Zoom calls. 

- It's got an added benefit for entrepreneurs. We do business with people who like us and who are like us. Having a clear headshot helps people like us. Something fuzzy or posing with bunnies in a mall doesn't essentially scream competent professional. Hence, the time and money spent on professional photos every few years is a worth while investment if you care about your online personal branding and want it to be a strong one.

- There is no downside to a great profile picture which is professionally shot. It might seem like small thing but it always makes a big difference in the how you overall brand is projected to your customers. 

So first things first, here's what I'll cover in this article: 

How to choose a photographer?

What's your venue going to be?

List of tips from my experience that can make your shoot better

So, how does one choose a photographer?

There are people out there with varying experience and quotes. I don't know what justifies the cost since I haven't paid 5-figures for mine and maybe suffered due to it. I came out of each photo shoot with mistakes that an experienced professional could have helped me avoid. But from the 3 times I have done shoots, I am going to share my personal wisdom which might help make yours better and avoid the pit falls I fell into. 

I don't think expensive equals good or great. So I am not sure. The quote covers only the photographer, not the studio or the venue for a photoshoot. And as a cost-conscious business person who has always kept her business lean, I would not like to spend 25-35 grand just on a photographer plus the overheads of a venue. 

My first shoot was in a studio - so that worked out well. The second one also came with the space but I wasn't happy with the expertise of the photographer or the photos. But they did nicely to refresh my social profiles. The final one that I did last year was in my own home and common areas of the building. 

Is there a way to know how good a photographer is? Definitely ask for previous work to get an idea. Make sure someone hasn't sent you stock photos instead. You can also ask for references you can talk to see how their working experience was with the professional. Make a list of all the questions you want to ask your photographer - about his process, how the day will go, what they'll bring along and what they expect you to provide. 

The fact that you have one day when you'll go all out to get your photos done makes it high-stake. Unlike a phone camera, the professional one will follow you on one day only! 

How to choose a venue

I wanted to choose a co-working space this time. But I realised that getting a professional set up into a co-working space costs extra. This is a weird rule and I am not sure if every co-work space has this rule. The one close to my place said this and I chucked the idea since: 1. It would add to the overheads 2. We'd be trapped in one room despite paying extra for it. If I pick one of the more expensive photographers, I'd want their services to come with a studio. That makes it a good deal. 

Planning for the day 

Here are a few things that helped me ease into the day - I'm sharing all my tips irrespective of gender. Pick the ones that apply to you

Tips

- Colour your roots/greys as close to the shoot date as possible. 

- Remove nail paint in advance. You don't want a shadow of dark colours marring your brand new pictures

- Get your hair and make up done on the same day. Doing your hair the previous night will anyways need touch up the next day. I got a professional on the same morning. Saving pennies won't help here. 

Wardrobe: This is my weak point and I think a professional eye would have helped. 

- Do a dress rehearsal 2 days in advance. Make combinations and ensure the clothes fit well and you look comfortable.

- Commission the help of a friend/trusted colleague. During the dress rehearsal so that you have a second opinion but also during the day of the shoot. Someone to hold you jacket or help you change in and out of clothes is invaluable (It was hard doing everything on my own)

- Iron anything that you might have the possibility of wearing

Check out photos mid-shoot 

One big mistake I definitely wouldn't repeat is to wait for the photos to be sent to me as a folder after the shoot is over. Ask the photographer to get a card reader along. Even if they can't show you as they shoot, you can connect the card reader to your laptop mid-shoot and check out how it's all panning out. You may feel like the shoot is going great and you've taken so many photos. but trust me! You'll probably like only about 10% of them which are usable. 

If you aren't happy with certain angles/lighting you can redo them on the same day rather than living with the regret. I don't have a single photo with the right power pose and I wish I could see the photos as the shoot progressed so I could correct them. I really needed power pose photos. But alas! I am only left with regret. 

If you have any tips that you'd like to add from your experience, feel free to add in the comments.